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Hump Day Jokes

Chris

Well-Known TRIBEr
Enjoy

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Little Johnny's mother is taking a bath, having recently been discharged from hospital where she had all of her pubic hair removed. Johnny comes into the bathroom as she's drying off, and asks her what happened to the hair. "I've lost my sponge," she says, and sends Johnny to play. A few moments later, Johnny reappears and tells his mother he thinks he's found her sponge, "Oh, really," his mum asks. "Where is it?" Johnny answers, "The lady next door is washing daddy's face with it."


A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his first day there he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied up at the back of the barracks. He asked hi sergeant what this animal was for. The sergeant replied, "Well, sir, we're a fair distance from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel." The captain thinks about this, and says, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I suppose it's all right with me." After he has been at the fort for about six months, the captain became very frustrated himself. Finally he could stand it no longer and so he told his sergeant, "Bring in the camel!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain then got a foot stool and began to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped down, satisfies, and was buttoning his pants up, he asked the sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The sergeant replied, "Well, no sir, they usually just use it to ride to the brothel in town."


A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him. The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?" The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a hug. The second says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?" He shakes his head. She kisses him. Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, "Have you ever been fucked?""No," says the man, his eyes lighting up. "Well, you are now, The tide's coming in."



A man surveys the women in a nightclub, picks out the most attractive, and takes a seat next to her at the bar. He uses all his best lines, but gets nowhere. Finally, he reaches into his pocket, takes out a small box, and pulls a frog out of it.
"Cute," says the woman. "Is that a pet?" The man smiled. "Yes, and he's good at doing tricks too." "Like what?" "He eats pussy. Come back to my place and I'll prove it to you." Once in the bedroom, the girl strips off and puts the frog between her legs. The frog doesn't move. After a couple of minutes, the woman looks at the immobile frog, and finally demands, "Well?"
The man shakes his head sorrowfully, picks up the frog and says, "Okay, you idiot, I'm only going to show you one more time."
 

Eclectic

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by ChrisD
A man surveys the women in a nightclub, picks out the most attractive, and takes a seat next to her at the bar. He uses all his best lines, but gets nowhere. Finally, he reaches into his pocket, takes out a small box, and pulls a frog out of it.
"Cute," says the woman. "Is that a pet?" The man smiled. "Yes, and he's good at doing tricks too." "Like what?" "He eats pussy. Come back to my place and I'll prove it to you." Once in the bedroom, the girl strips off and puts the frog between her legs. The frog doesn't move. After a couple of minutes, the woman looks at the immobile frog, and finally demands, "Well?"
The man shakes his head sorrowfully, picks up the frog and says, "Okay, you idiot, I'm only going to show you one more time."

Awesome!!!
 

KillaLadY

TRIBE Member
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his
eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed.

Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note
on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son,
what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke
some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you
stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm
married!"

a self-induced hangover - $100.00
broken furniture - $200.00
breakfast - $10.00

saying the right thing - priceless
 
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