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how to deal with women...

Rude1_247

TRIBE Member
I pretty much stick to killing spiders, opening jars, and installing the A/C window unit.

These are the problems I excel at solving.
 

AshG

Member
naw skipper - if she's the one opening up the conversation, and has specific expectations of the purpose of that conversation and what responses she'd like to hear from them, she best make them known or - with a firm grip on reality here - expect to be dissapointed when those wishes aren't fulfilled.

what makes you think a man's not listening when he offers advice? i'd say that if the advice is at all relevant, that's proof positive he's listening.
no, the onus here is on the convo starter to make their intentions known if they have such a narrow range of acceptable responses they'd like to see from the other.

if you're brining the party, you best make the house rules known.
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
There's absolutely a communication barrier, and it's not a difficult one to solve. Unless you're in a relationship where you're comfortable knowing the advice is appreciated, don't rush to step in with a solution before she's even finished venting about something.

A lot of the time, I think women just want to vent about their day and not have a bunch of solutions piled on them that were so apparently obvious to someone who has heard about the problem for only a few minutes. Personally, I can solve most of my own problems and if I can't, I'll seek out the advice I need specifically.

I think it's hilarious that you guys think that it's the woman that should be reminding you to listen and not speak. I'm not talking about some deep conversation she initiates about her career path or something. I'm talking about when she has a fight with one of her girlfriends and rants about it for a few minutes at the end of the day. Surely you don't think you know how to deal with her friends better than she does!
 

AshG

Member
here's all it takes:

"honey lucious, i just want to get something off my chest."

there, the other knows what you want.
 

AshG

Member
and i for one think its hilarious you think the man should do nothing but listen and not speak. there's a good boy!

ha ha.
 
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Skipper

TRIBE Member
I'm saying the default is listen.
Not, get ready to solve whatever her problem is unless she tells you otherwise.
 

AshG

Member
you should make that known then, esp when u know full well that men are more probably inclined to try to take a more active role in helping you out.
 

kirstenmeows

TRIBE Member
Okay, I've read enough and will comment (then go back to just lurking..). Not all women are the same. Do NOT take all of those cheesy magazines too seriously. Much like men, women have different personalities and there's no such thing as 'understand one, understand them all'. I for one, do NOT 'just want to talk', I DON'T necessarily want to cuddle after sex (sleep is good), and if I have an issue with you, dammit, you WILL hear about it right away. There's no point in bottling things up, it just makes it worse. I know what makes me look fat, if I wanted someone just to buy me stuff I would have gone looking for a sugar daddy. If I'm in a pissy mood, chances are I want to be alone anyway, but you have the option to stay or leave, no repercussions. Most of the women I know feel the same way about these things. If you want to understand your girlfriend, it's very simple. Get to know her, and if she's too high maintenance for you, find someone else. Yes, complaining about your significant other can be fun at times, but ultimately, it's not going to solve anything. With that, I'm back to lurking..:D
 
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Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
Skipper said:
I think it's hilarious that you guys think that it's the woman that should be reminding you to listen and not speak. I'm not talking about some deep conversation she initiates about her career path or something. I'm talking about when she has a fight with one of her girlfriends and rants about it for a few minutes at the end of the day. Surely you don't think you know how to deal with her friends better than she does!
If this is what you want, and I really, really don't think you speak for all or even most women here, maybe you should vent to your cat and not someone that's capable of talking back. If Sarah came to me to 'vent' about a problem I'm confident that she'd want some kind of feedback or reaction to it. If I stood there and 'listened' (how would she know I wasn't thinking about cake?) without reacting she'd probably wonder how much I paid for the lobotomy.
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
AshG said:
you should make that known then, esp when u know full well that men are more probably inclined to try to take a more active role in helping you out.
I guess that's what bothers me about a lot of men. I dislike that inclination to help me out with every single one of my daily frustrations and I have no interest in reminding someone every time I speak that I want them to react a certain way. Communication is one thing, but that's just redundant.

Perhaps I am alone in not needing a man to solve my every problem for me!
 

AshG

Member
no, but i think you may be alone in expecting silence when the other person clearly sees you in what most would consider a time of distress. consider what it would mean for anyone to just stand idly by while someone they care about is having a hard time of it. anyone who wouldn't want to help would be a real douche.
now the issue is this - the type of 'help' you need is just listening. but who's to know that that's all you want at that moment? to be rhetorical, the answr is only 'you'.

see flashy's comment.
 
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Skipper

TRIBE Member
Flashy_McFlash said:
If this is what you want, and I really, really don't think you speak for all or even most women here, maybe you should vent to your cat and not someone that's capable of talking back. If Sarah came to me to 'vent' about a problem I'm confident that she'd want some kind of feedback or reaction to it. If I stood there and 'listened' (how would she know I wasn't thinking about cake?) without reacting she'd probably wonder how much I paid for the lobotomy.
See mingster's post. No offense, but listening doesn't mean shutting up and putting up. Listening means being supportive, being sympathetic and understanding. Commentary on how she should handle something is not necessarily included.

My cat agrees.
 

Muad'ib

Well-Known TRIBEr
ii just do my own thing until they get mad enough to tell me what's on their mind. unfortunately this usually occurs in the middle of a hockey game.
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
AshG said:
no, but i think you may be alone in expecting silence when the other person clearly sees you in what most would consider a time of distress. consider what it would mean for anyone to just stand idly by while someone they care about is having a hard time of it. anyone who wouldn't want to help would be a real douche.
now the issue is this - the type of 'help' you need is just listening. but who's to know that that's all you want at that moment? to be rhetorical, the answr is only 'you'.

see flashy's comment.
and see my reply.
Do men really think listening is just being silent? good lord..
 

AshG

Member
that the cat cannot speak english, ironically speaks volumes.

unless of course.... your cat CAN speak english!
 
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Bernnie Federko

TRIBE Member
wait a minute, why is the default option of a partner to be the dumb mute? If you want a dumb mute say so, otherwise expect them to give feedback. How else would they know to sit tight and knowingly let you expel hot air? Who interacts with other people on this principal?
 
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