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how to deal with women...

basketballjones

TRIBE Member
there is a doghouse thread

what about how to deal with women

it isnt like they talk our language and they certainly dont clarify things in a way men will understand

and generally, how do you deal with them when they are pms'ing, telling you "everything is fine"..ask.."does this make me look fat"

and general woman craziness
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
When they are venting, DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS.
Women want someone to just listen and when you start sputtering off solutions, it is immensely frustrating. Trust that they've thought their way through the issue and just want someone to smile and nod and sympathize.

You will note that when a woman wants your opinion, she will ask. And when she doesn't ask, you probably shouldn't give it, particularly if she's upset.

This is my biggest pet peeve about men.
 

Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
Trying to help solve a problem...What assholes we are. Jesus, they should ship us to an island somewhere and just bomb the shit out of it.

Do all women really think this way? Really?
 

possibledj

TRIBE Promoter
i think the best way to deal with women is making sweeping generalizations about what works best for dealing with ~50% of the earth's population
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
Flashy_McFlash said:
Trying to help solve a problem...What assholes we are. Jesus, they should ship us to an island somewhere and just bomb the shit out of it.

Do all women really think this way? Really?
Dear god, where do I begin.

Oftentimes, when a man offers unsolicited advice to his girl when she is upset, it comes across like "oh, this is so easy! Look at you all upset over nothing, I have the answer right here." You should be able to provide your gf constructive criticism if she's being unreasonable about something, but you can't play that card very often. Take notice of how quickly you jump to solve her problem when she is just rambling on about something bothering her, and then think about how frustrating that must be if you do it every time she speaks.
 
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Bernnie Federko

TRIBE Member
Skipper said:
When they are venting, DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS.
Women want someone to just listen and when you start sputtering off solutions, it is immensely frustrating. Trust that they've thought their way through the issue and just want someone to smile and nod and sympathize.

You will note that when a woman wants your opinion, she will ask. And when she doesn't ask, you probably shouldn't give it, particularly if she's upset.

This is my biggest pet peeve about men.
this would be cool most of the time if our sympathy wasn't met with whining and moaning like a dog.
 

basketballjones

TRIBE Member
why do you say "nothing is wrong" when clearly something is wrong???
guys cant read minds you know

and why is it, if someone pisses you off, we get yelled at for it?
 
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Skipper

TRIBE Member
basketballjones said:
why do you say "nothing is wrong" when clearly something is wrong???
guys cant read minds you know

and why is it, if someone pisses you off, we get yelled at for it?
because it's not worth arguing about.
Men seem to think women hang on to issues for a long time, and when they try to move on by saying "nothing is wrong" they get scrutinized for that too.

Trust me that if she says nothing is wrong, it's in your own best interest to just accept that explanation. If it's a big enough deal, she's not going to let it go and you'll have the discussion later.
 

Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
Skipper said:
Dear god, where do I begin.



Oftentimes, when a man offers unsolicited advice to his girl when she is upset, it comes across like "oh, this is so easy! Look at you all upset over nothing, I have the answer right here." You should be able to provide your gf constructive criticism if she's being unreasonable about something, but you can't play that card very often. Take notice of how quickly you jump to solve her problem when she is just rambling on about something bothering her, and then think about how frustrating that must be if you do it every time she speaks.
That is very different from how your initial post came across. Your issue seems to be in the way that some men approach a problem or how we may present a solution. That is, reducing it to something that's trivial and easily solved when it may not be. I don't think there's anything wrong with offering solutions or advice, unsolicited or no. Your post makes it sound like - and reinforces a stereotype that - women are these volatile boxes of rage who can't handle a differing opinion or help from someone else without it being candy-coated. It sounds like if you're not agreeing, then shut your trap. While that might be a great way to preserve a relationship in the short-term, believe that that kind of interaction can't last.
 

mingster

TRIBE Member
let's make this simple:

"wow, that's quite a doozy honey. i can see why you feel that way. no i don't think so-and-so will feel such-and-such." [open ended question on an element of the issue that is important to her]. "i love you" [hug] "you're very bright, i'm sure you'll do the right thing." [hug accompanied by a joke of some sort]

>

"hmmmm...try doing this" [eyes back on teevee]
 

Bernnie Federko

TRIBE Member
I have an idea - I'll give someone a problem then expect them not to think/discuss figuring it out. Then I'll moan and bitch about it. And if they want to give their opinion or try and help I'll become irritated and rain on their efforts.

...
If I did that outside a relationship in the real world people would think I was nuts.
 
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Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
^^ see, that's okay (and sorta common sense, I hope).

But that's not the same as nodding dumbly and saying nothing when she has a problem.

ps I'm trying this Go thing so play your turn.

(for ming)
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
Flashy_McFlash said:
That is very different from how your initial post came across. Your issue seems to be in the way that some men approach a problem or how we may present a solution. That is, reducing it to something that's trivial and easily solved when it may not be. I don't think there's anything wrong with offering solutions or advice, unsolicited or no. Your post makes it sound like - and reinforces a stereotype that - women are these volatile boxes of rage who can't handle a differing opinion or help from someone else without it being candy-coated. It sounds like if you're not agreeing, then shut your trap. While that might be a great way to preserve a relationship in the short-term, believe that that kind of interaction can't last.
You projected a lot into my post that wasn't there, no matter how many times I re-read it.

I said quite clearly that many women want a listening ear. I think men too easily mistake a woman opening up about something as an opportunity for them to step in and be the hero and make things simple for them again. It doesn't work like that. There is a good time to offer advice to your partner, and the time when she is rambling on about something without asking you what she should do isn't it.

You're free to test this out and report back though!
 

AshG

Member
you know what would be great?
if all anyone wanted was someone to just listen, then preface the conversation with that statement.

you're gonna get what you sound like you want, like it or not.

men or women. so suck it up and communicate clearly, and/or don't get pissed when the exact desired response type is not achieved.

just sayin
 

Flashy_McFlash

Well-Known TRIBEr
What you said (in your initial post, which is the one I took issue with) is that you want us to smile, nod, and not offer solutions.

When they are venting, DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS.
Women want someone to just listen and when you start sputtering off solutions, it is immensely frustrating. Trust that they've thought their way through the issue and just want someone to smile and nod and sympathize.

You will note that when a woman wants your opinion, she will ask. And when she doesn't ask, you probably shouldn't give it, particularly if she's upset.
 

KiX

TRIBE Member
ya i dunno about everyone else, but if i'm having a hard time with something or stressing out about some shit i absolutely would appreciate advice and some guidance if it's there for the offering. i don't need a sounding board, but someone to talk through things and maybe get some help from. if you can figure out my problems even better. at least getting advice gives you a new perspective to consider, right? doesn't mean you have to take it.

how do you know they're trying to play hero and all that shit? what if they're just trying to be helpful and nice and communicatey?
 

Skipper

TRIBE Member
KiX said:
how do you know they're trying to play hero and all that shit? what if they're just trying to be helpful and nice and communicatey?
I never suggested that there was anything but the best intentions behind unsolicited advice.

Mike, what about just asking what she needs? It's a two way street. Why do men need to be reminded to listen every time their spoken to? That's kind of dumb. The default should be to listen - she shouldn't have to remind you every time she opens her mouth.
 

Bernnie Federko

TRIBE Member
If you're gonna vent and want someone's ear, say so. Until there's some sort of understanding you shouldn't expect a particular desired result. Is someone not communicatin effectively, or is someone not listening?

to me, it just seems like there's a communication breakdown happening if both parties aren't seeing "eye to eye" on a matter (such as "Venting vs Offering to Help").
 
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