How do you get a friend to make something of his life?

[Mr_Furious]

I have this good friend that i've known for 10 years now and he's a really solid guy. The only problem is that his life is the exact same now, as it was when we were 15. We were both exposed to a somewhat seedy lifestyle at an early age and as a result, we dropped out of school at 16. The only difference is that I accomplished things while he basically sat around for 10 years.

I've tried really hard to encourage him to do something with his life, and i've been totally unsuccessful. It's a little depressing to see him wasting his life away. He never graduated high school (not that it's THAT big a deal), he never pursued a post secondary education, and he doesn't even have his drivers licence. All he does is sit at home all day and all night doing nothing. He doesn't even have any freakin hobbies! He doesn't go out because he has no job and no money, and what little money he does come by, he spends on weed.

One of his biggest flaws is that he's really stubborn and needs a lesson or two in humility. He expects the best job to just fall in his lap without even trying, and he won't settle for any old job.

Any advice?

 

[Liquidity]

how can he afford a place if he doesn't have a job?

 

[The Tesseract]

ditch the loser or slap him

 

[Adam]

Show him it's possible to still wank off all day even with a full time job.

ie, point him here.

 

[IgStar]

honestly, there isn't anything you can do. really.
if has no motivation to do these things for himself, you can't.
It sucks huge, b/c YOU know the potential there. Unfortunately, you can't just give him a swift kick in the ass.

There really isn't much you can do. As much as that sucks.

 

[shylock_one]

I had a friend in a similar position and I've come to the conclusion that no matter how hard you try, you can't change anyone that doesn't want to be changed.

Needless to say, he's no longer a friend.

 

[OhNo!]

duct tape and a long piece of hose.

 

[Mr_Furious]

Originally posted by Liquidity
how can he afford a place if he doesn't have a job?

He lives with his parents.

I think they might indirectly be setting a bad example because his father was injured on the job and collects workers compensation. However, his father has paid his dues and now he's reaping the benefits.

 

[Mr_Furious]

Originally posted by shylock_one
I had a friend in a similar position and I've come to the conclusion that no matter how hard you try, you can't change anyone that doesn't want to be changed.

Needless to say, he's no longer a friend.

That's the thing, he does want to change, he just doesn't want to work for it. He said he wanted to get his bartenders licence and he thought a club or bar would just hire him on the spot.

I told him he was foolish for thinking that and it resulted in an argument.

He just doesn't realize that sometimes you have to work really hard to get what you want, and you don't always get it. He's really stubborn and self righteous. I offered to help him get so many jobs and he always just acts like he's above it.

 

[silver1]

Originally posted by Mr_Furious
...and what little money he does come by, he spends on weed.

Start off by telling him to quit smoking weed.

 

[Evil Dynovac]

They say "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it."

Seriously though, have you ever tried to lead a horse anywhere? They weigh a literal ton and if they get pissed they will bite you with domino-sized teeth or hoof your balls into pancake batter.

So no. Don't even try with this friend. The only thing you can do is lead by example.

 

[IgStar]

Originally posted by shylock_one

Needless to say, he's no longer a friend.

I find that is what usually happens. The tension just gets kinda out of control b/c eventually your lifestyles will just not "mesh" well if he never can go out, or want to. It's hard to stay around people who have no motivation or urge to do anything, especially when YOU do.

But his attitude that the world owes him something, is going to get him nowhere. b/c the world doesn't owe him sweet-fuck-all.

 

[JESuX]

Dude, the unfortunate thing is that he's just going to have to find his own way.

You can tell someone something that's exaaaaactly what they need to hear a hundred times.. But it will never truly sink in or make an impact on them until they're READY to hear it.

Sucks for the friend who's in the position to try to help, but everything happens for a reason. He's learning the things now that he's going to need in the future to make himself into a better person.

 

[Mr_Furious]

Originally posted by shylock_one


Needless to say, he's no longer a friend.

This seems a little harsh because despite certain inadequacies, he's still a really loyal friend.

It's just that hanging out with his is reduced to his place or mine. If he hangs out at my place, I usually have to give him bus fare to get home. Which isn't a big deal cuz it's only $2.25, but still.....

 

[Liquidity]

Originally posted by Mr_Furious
He lives with his parents.

then maybe its his parents' duty to kick him out...?

the best you can do as a friend is to set a good example.

 

[Mr_Furious]

Originally posted by JESuX
He's learning the things now that he's going to need in the future to make himself into a better person.

He doesn't seem to have learned anything in the past 10 years, and god forbid, if his parents ever passed away, I think this world would eat him alive.

 

[OhNo!]

60 pounder of tequila that outta set em on the right course.

 

[Mr_Furious]

Originally posted by Liquidity
then maybe its his parents' duty to kick him out...?

the best you can do as a friend is to set a good example.

HAHA...

Some might question how good my example is

On a somewhat related note, I'm still very happy with my current job.

Besides, I think that whole parents kicking their kids out thing is really heartless. I'm not into the whole tough love thing, and I don't think he'd be able to survive just yet.

 

[tablist]

Yeah, I'd suggest he get off the grass. That's why he's got no motivation. Does he have a GF? Doesn't he want to go out to get laid? You don't meet girls sitting at home with the rents smokin herbs, with no job and no money. I'm as chronic as they come, but the day it begins to fuck around with my motivation, especially for something as essential as working, I'll quit.

So yeah, tell homeboy to stop smoking herb. I think he'd see a serious change in motivation. Doing nothing and NOT smoking weed all day blows.

 

[Jeremy Jive]

You can't do anything. The only who can change his life is himself.

I've wasted and ruined friendships and relationships trying to do the same.

jeremy -just support them when they come around- jive

 

[that 420 guy]

it is one of the most difficult things to deal with because you can see the potential in your friend and yet they do nothing with it.

i know where you are coming from, and it is a very frustrating feeling. what i had to do was realize that i cannot help someone who does not want to help themself. let the person know that you love them and that you want to help them, but they have to want to help themseves first.

then leave it in their court. if they want to take the initiative, great, if they don't at least you've got a chill friend to smoke joints with

.

it's not my life, so i don't try to tell someone else how to live it. accept them for who they are, even if who they are is a lazy limabean...and if that gets too much for me to handle, i remove myself from the situation. i'm not here to fight someone else's battles, i've got my own life to live and we're old enough to not have to babysit our friends. it is always their choice. if they choose to be lazy, then let them...you don't have to be. but never let your friend question how much you love them and care for them.

all the best with this one will. maybe you can draw some strength and knowledge from my experience.

- that you can only take control of your life guy

 

[Agatka8]

When you are in a position...where you have no choice but to roll up your sleeves and work your ass off to survive...you will.

Not having money for a roof over your head or for food surly will make anyone get up off their rear end and at least try.

When I was kid in PL the communistic regime created a culture of complacency in the workplace because whether you were an engineer or the cleaning lady... you almost made the same amount of money.
There was no competition.... no one cared because everything was public. When democracy entered it changed the mentality in the workforce... there was reason to compete...cause and effect.

In Canada I found that complacency existed in the lives of the many welfare recipients. Their basic needs such as food and shelter were taken care of... and that type of lifestyle passed on from generation to generation created a culture... of people without ambitions or drive. Our government policies have currently recognized this problem... and have made it more difficult for people to expect and depend on welfare to support them indefinitely.

For your friend... I don't know if he lives with his parents...I'm assuming yes.... If that’s the case then you should speak with them.

I think getting kicked out of a secure environment and having to fend for himself... is the best medicine for you friend.
Ultimately changing your friend’s environment will cure him fast.

 

[that 420 guy]

Originally posted by Evil Dynovac
"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it."

"you can send a man to school but you can't make him think"

 

[PosTMOd]

Who the hell are you to know what is good for him?

I dropped out of high school and fucked around for 8 or so years before going to university... no regrets (okay, so I regret spending 8 years fucking around--should have just spent 5 or so)...

And now look what I have! A job that makes my brain feel like Elmer's glue! Yay!

If I didn't have another person to think about, I would quit and go live on the streets... though probably somewhere warmer, like B.C.. It's quite tiresome to have the word "potential" attached to your name all the time...disgusting, really, since all it really translates to is $$$$$ in people's minds-- fuck that noise.

 

[Liquidity]

Originally posted by that 420 guy
it is one of the most difficult things...
(insert rest of post here)
...take control of your life guy

great words!