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how do you deal with your ex fucking someone else?

smile

TRIBE Member
it's like i KNOW i shouldn't care....but it still fucking BUGS me.

(especially since i know who she's fucking, and he's a wanker).

so yeah.

discuss.
 

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
Originally posted by smile
...and he's a wanker
I am NOT.

Seriously, though... for some reason, I always get the urge to ask ex g/f's how the guy compares to my super fuck.
 

pr0nstar

TRIBE Member
Stop being so judge-mental and get on with your life?

Honestly... if your ex is happy doing what she's doing, can't you just be happy for her?

That is all...

pr0nstar
 
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BigBadBaldy

TRIBE Member
Suck it up. That's all. Deal with it, because there's nothing you can do about it. I know, because I'm going through a similar (if dissimilar) situation.

It's especially hard if you despise the new person, though. I've been there too, and it's completely shitty. Be strong. That is all.

BBB.

IMO.
 
G

Guest

Guest
you may not like it, but there's nothing you can do about it.

it's time to move on.
 

BigBadBaldy

TRIBE Member
Re: Re: how do you deal with your ex fucking someone else?

Originally posted by PosTMOd
Seriously, though... for some reason, I always get the urge to ask ex g/f's how the guy compares to my super fuck.
Hahaha.. if you ARE serious, that is SOOO lame.

BBB.

No, not la-meh, the material, L~A~M~E.
 

smile

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by pr0nstar
Stop being so judge-mental and get on with your life?

Honestly... if your ex is happy doing what she's doing, can't you just be happy for her?

That is all...

pr0nstar
are you fucking SERIOUS? buddy, if it was your ex, you wouldn't be saying that.

why the fuck would i be HAPPY about it? and why am i being judgemental?

you're an idiot.
 

SUNKIST

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by pr0nstar
Stop being so judge-mental and get on with your life?

Honestly... if your ex is happy doing what she's doing, can't you just be happy for her?

That is all...

pr0nstar
its not that easy Kenny. there's clearly still feelings left for this girl, whatever they may be. and it hurts to see her sharing the emotions that come with sex with another guy. of course you want her to be happy, but thats not going to erase all the feelings/memories he still has.
 
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pr0nstar

TRIBE Member
Sorry, you're being selfish.

I have/had strong feelings for my ex-g/f ... but when it ended it ended.

I was upset, etc... like normal people.

But she's now a good friend... she has a boyfriend, they obviously have sex. And that's life.

Sorry if I'm trying to not be selfish and be happy for someone I loved and still love as a friend.

And in matter of fact I'm going out tonight with her and him.

So please, dont' call me an idiot if I am able to remain friends with someone I truly did love.

pr0nstar
 
Ostrich solution - pretend it's not happening.

Seriously, it's not an easy thing to do, because we want to see ourself ahead of the person that we might feel betrayed by. It's really not worth your time and energy thinking about it. Just take notice of your own things right now and put everything you want towards yourself. What you're doing right now is trying to break a thought pattern, as you have spent a large amount of very intimate and personal time with her, and it's going to take some getting used to getting her out of your head.

From the Ministry of trying to help.

Prime Minister Highsteppa
 

deep

TRIBE Member
remind yourself why you broke up in the first place , in other words why it isn't good that you're together anymore
 
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pr0nstar

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by smile


sorry, you're not an idiot, you're a doormat.
So you plan to go out with plenty of woman in your life?
And fuck them and then break up with them and hate them all?
And stress over every other guy they perform a physical pleasure with?
Then power to you.

Sorry ... after 2 1/2 years in a relationship I wanted to keep one of my best friends...

pr0nstar
 
Originally posted by pr0nstar
Sorry, you're being selfish.

I have/had strong feelings for my ex-g/f ... but when it ended it ended.

I was upset, etc... like normal people.

But she's now a good friend... she has a boyfriend, they obviously have sex. And that's life.

Sorry if I'm trying to not be selfish and be happy for someone I loved and still love as a friend.

And in matter of fact I'm going out tonight with her and him.

So please, dont' call me an idiot if I am able to remain friends with someone I truly did love.

pr0nstar
Yeah, but Kenny you're very fortunate in that situation. I myself, in the past have taken rejection very personally. It's hard not to, as many of us make the mistake of interpreting our relationships as a reflection of ourselves. It's hard not to, as you're putting in a part of yourself and showing a side of yourself that you don't show to other people. A rejection of that or a break up, is often taken very personally and seen sometimes as an attack on ourselves, which it isn't always; sometimes things just don't work out or two people are a near match, but not a perfect match.

Big up to you Kenny, for being able to take a very mature look upon your past relationship. It's something I strive for, but never can quite do. I'm still working on it.

From the Ministry of different people, different methodologies.

Prime Minister Highsteppa
 

smile

TRIBE Member
okay, i think a bit of clarification is in order here (although i didn't want to get this personal on the internet, it looks like i have to).

my ex is still in my life. we have both agreed that being together is NOT good for either of us right now (i broke it off as a matter of fact). there was too much fighting and too much stress, due to the fact that we both lead very different lives (i'm 25 and i go to school and am done with the whole clubbing-drinking-drugs thing, she's 21 and still right into it). the situation SUCKS, but what am i supposed to do? we still both really love each other....and we're still fucking each other. i have no problem with being her fuck-friend (obviously).

the "next man" is someone that we have both known for a long time (she's known him longer than i have), and he knows how much i care about her, he knows how i feel about the situation that her and i are in right now. i also know that he's a snake, and will do anything to get girls into bed (he's ALWAYS been this way). he's basically using our situation to get what he wants, and not giving a shit about how i might feel about it....which PISSES ME OFF.

she denies doing anything with him, but i think she's just sparing my feelings.

so tell me again how i'm supposed to be HAPPY about it, pronstar.
 

deep

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by smile


sorry, you're not an idiot, you're a doormat.
it's interesting, because I think both high and low self esteem can produce an accepting response to an ex-partner finding someone else. If you have a relatively high sense of your own worth and think of your past relationship as not having been right for you, and that greater happiness lies for you elsewhere, you won't object to people you once cared for pursuing their own happiness. On the other hand, if you have a low sense of self worth, an ex partner pursuing a relationship with someone new is taken as though it's a rejection of you and an approval of their new mate. I think it also depends on how much of your happiness you associate with your particular ex. If you think there is something irrepleaceable or atleast difficult to replace with your ex, it hurts to see them wanting to share that with someone else or not feeling the same way. If you recognize that you will love and be loved again, it may hurt a little less.

All in all I don't think you should be criticizing pr0nstar's view. His attitude would be exemplerary of what psychologists refer to as "mature" love. I know it's ironic that he put his philosophy forward in such a backhanded and obtuse way, that was wrong. But the general ideas he has is something you might want to try and understand. It's not easy to embrace them in the present but may make for easier times in the future.
 
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deep

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by smile
okay, i think a bit of clarification is in order here (although i didn't want to get this personal on the internet, it looks like i have to).

my ex is still in my life. we have both agreed that being together is NOT good for either of us right now (i broke it off as a matter of fact). there was too much fighting and too much stress, due to the fact that we both lead very different lives (i'm 25 and i go to school and am done with the whole clubbing-drinking-drugs thing, she's 21 and still right into it). the situation SUCKS, but what am i supposed to do? we still both really love each other....and we're still fucking each other. i have no problem with being her fuck-friend (obviously).

the "next man" is someone that we have both known for a long time (she's known him longer than i have), and he knows how much i care about her, he knows how i feel about the situation that her and i are in right now. i also know that he's a snake, and will do anything to get girls into bed (he's ALWAYS been this way). he's basically using our situation to get what he wants, and not giving a shit about how i might feel about it....which PISSES ME OFF.

she denies doing anything with him, but i think she's just sparing my feelings.

so tell me again how i'm supposed to be HAPPY about it, pronstar.
Some people are made unhappy when they're dealt circumstances that don't fit into their preexisting notions of acceptable and unacceptable, right and wrong.

Other people don't really try to force things so much into preexisting categories and just take them as they are. I've found that these people are more comfortable and adept in non-conventional relationships, i.e. fuck buddies, multiple partners, etc.

If you're more conventional in your relationships than you may need to draw some boundaries for your own sanity, make a clean break, etc. Or if you think you can deal with something more ambiguous or defined more complexly than either being in love or apathetic to someone, give that a shot.

incidentally a friend once told me long ago that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy. I think that is something very important to remember at times.
 

Bull Go Ki

TRIBE Member
this may only be a short term solutions to your troubles, but it always seems to help in cases like this:

- Bottle of Tequila
- Getting into a fight
- Sex

If you do all this within a day, you may feel better.

ez

db
 

pr0nstar

TRIBE Member
Well from my experiences... fuck friends never work out in the end.

And that's why I love my ex ... cuz she's a friend, never a fuck friend. And since you're older... you have to also understand, generally, younger people don't know what they want.

I'm no geezer, but I've learned a lot in the past years.

You might be best to cut off your friendship for now, until she decides what she wants... or at least tell her how you feel about the situation you've put yourself in with her and her other friends.

But like deep said... look back, why are you not with her... weigh out the pros/cons ...

And in the future, please dont' call people idiots because they have different views.

Trust me, I don't talk to all my ex g/f's or love/feel for them as some others. But some people have touched my life and I don't want to just push them out of it, because we're no longer in a relationship. And we've all been hurt and upset. Trust me I've been there and done that plenty of times.

Lately I've been enjoying myself and thinking about myself, but not only myself. Being selfish in a sense, but trying my hardest to be super nice to everyone that makes me happy.

pr0nstar
 
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