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Having kids

G

Guest

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I was driving my grandmother to a family thing yesterday, and we were talking about having kids at this time in history.

She seemed to follow the same rationale that I do - that this world is becoming too fucked up environmentally, socially, politically and economically for the younger generations to manage.

Do the benefits in having a child surpass the risk that his/her life could be miserable?

I think I'd make a great parent, but I've been thinking for a couple years now that having children is just something that I will not do.

I also have this perception that most women ultimately want to have children, as a natural instinct. That worries me in ever getting into a long relationship. Also, I'm worried about the alienation from friends as they begin to start families.

Is anyone with me on this subject?
 

deep

TRIBE Member
I think you just don't want to have kids because after they hit age 3 they'd be taller than you.
 
Depends on how you define benefits, Josh. There are times where I wish I could have had my daughter later on in life, so I could provide better for her. But, at the same time I can't deny that I take an extraoridinary joy in being with her and spending time with her. She seems to feel the same way towards me, too. It's difficult. However, I still love my daughter very much and very deeply, and I never have thought of her as an accident, more of a surprise that I wouldn't change. I don't see it as being a benefit or a drawback as much as I think of it as having a different set of responsibilities. Yes, I would like to have a lot of changes in my situation with my daughter, but I make do with what I have to work with, and that's sometimes what parenting is about.

As for the women aspect, it's a funny situation. I've met some girls that have expressed absolutely no interest in having children, while others want to have as many as possible. I count myself as being in a very fortunate position: if my wife/significant other wishes to have children, I have the experience behind me of my daughter. If she does not, then I still have my daughter to love and enjoy. It's a matter of perspective to me.

As for the alienation part, I wouldn't worry about it too much. People with families do not have as much free time as they'd like to have, but they still need to socialize and have friends. Just because you have a child, doesn't mean they're strapped to their hip 24/7.

From the Ministry of relating my experiences

Prime Minister Highsteppa
 
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Sassy

TRIBE Member
I would have to say that I am pretty much with you on this one Josh. I used to think that I would have children for sure but now I am not so sure. If I did decide to have kids I would want to make sure that I was financially, emotionally, and physically ready for it. I guess I am kind of a traditionalist and would ideally like to rear the child with a father. I feel our society is becoming more and more individualistic on a daily basis, instead of feeling the pressure to get married and have a family I feel more pressure to find a great career, pursue creative interests, travel, and spend lots of time with friends and family. I have a couple of friends that are getting married in the next year or atleast engaged and I do feel a little alienated from them.

As for worry about getting into a relationship with a women because you think she might want to push out babies right away, I don't think you need to worry. :) I think there are still plently of women around who don't want to have kids despite the fact that it is a natural instinct.
 

French Disco Girl

TRIBE Member
i’ve heard many of my friends express the same worries about raising children in society. keep in mind however that we are what makes up society, so if any faults are to be found we must look inside ourselves and search for how we are responsible for contributing to those frailties.

i think what the focus should be on, is that of raising our children properly, and not so much as to whether we should have them at all. teaching them patience, understanding, forgiveness, decent morals and the capacity of love. but of course, a parent cannot bestow these attributes if they are not them themselves. you are their example of how to live life. it is only through our children that we can foster a better community for everyone.

although my parenting situation is not one i would ever have imagined, and surely one that is not desirable to most parents for their children, we are far from unhappy and unfulfilled. we take our lives one step at a time, making sure to enjoy every aspect of it. we teach ourselves and others the importance of taking responsibility in making our lives, our families & friends lives, and those not known to us peaceful, loving and full of meaning. even though many of the atrocities of the world today do not affect us in our daily personal life, we still realize that it is a personal issue and that it is our responsibility to look out for everyone. the benefits i have experienced in my years as a parent are unsurpassed. I could not, nor would want to, imagine what my life would be without them. children are an awesome form of contributing to society, as long as you feed them with intelligent love.

so to answer your question, no I’m not with you on this one. i do however understand where the anxiety in raising children comes from.

james - what you wrote was very sweet :) thank you for sharing that.
 

geminigirl

TRIBE Member
I am so excited for the day that I have children. However, I would like to wait for marriage. I would like to have 2 or 3 children when the times comes. I am the fulltime caregiver of infant triplets(and an Early Childhood Ed.), so I get my baby fix being surrounding by these little babies each day.:D

Maxine<-------Loves Children:D
 

ian

TRIBE Member
Well, my wife is 5 months pregnant, we're the first one's of our social circle. I'll let you all know how it works out. Myself, I'm just hoping the little beastie doesn't have a tail : )

-ian guthrie
 

PinkAngeL

TRIBE Member
We were all born and the world was pretty screwed up then.
That will never change.
Seems more like a personal issue to me than a world we live in issue.
 
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LivingRoomPornstar

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Sassy
I used to think that I would have children for sure but now I am not so sure.
figures, ya cougar! :D

Actually, I absolutely agree with you. I'm really looking forward to being a Dad, but only when I'm able to provide an environment that fosters emotional stability and strong values. I want to be able to open doors for that child that I never had opened for me growing up. I want to be stable enough to be a role model in every aspect. Sure, I'll never be perfect, but it would be nice to go through this experience with few regrets propogated by indiscretions or lack of planning.
 

deep

TRIBE Member
I love weebles. I look forward to being a father. But not yet. I'm happy being the big brother who spoils em rotten for now.
 

LivingRoomPornstar

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by deep
I love weebles. I look forward to being a father. But not yet. I'm happy being the big brother who spoils em rotten for now.
I'm the same way with my little neices.

Seeing their little faces light up when I bring over disney movies and a new boardgame is one of the more simple yet prominent pleasures in my life.

yes, i know, i reveal too much.

Dan
 
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xtollo

TRIBE Member
I've always liked the "what the fuck else are we doing here?" approach. Pro-creation, the meaning of life? I dunno, I like the idea of having lil kids. It sounds like a party. As long as they understand two things...

1) Goatse is not real, he is onlly an internet myth
2) Paul Oakenfold could mix back in the day
 

deep

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by LivingRoomPornstar


I'm the same way with my little neices.

Seeing their little faces light up when I bring over disney movies and a new boardgame is one of the more simple yet prominent pleasures in my life.

yes, i know, i reveal too much.

Dan
not at all...

I love my cousins...in east indian families there is not really a clear distinction between the concept of "brother" / "sister" and "cousins"...so they're like my baby brothers. The last time they were here the oldest one was riding around on my back (I was apparently a horse or something) for a good few hours...Then we played some sort of game where I held him upside down by the legs and he sang a song about it.
 

zoo

TRIBE Member
i definately want children

but not until i feel 'grown up' enough

i still feel like a kid ;0P
 

sugar

TRIBE Member
I am really looking forward to the day that I can start having kids. I always had this idea that I wanted to have my first child when I was 28, but now I'm a bit more flexible with regard to age. I still want to be young enough to really have the energy, but also to be old enough to have the financial means to support them.

I have been very fortunate to have a much younger sister and brother (they are now 11 and 8) who have taught me so much about the patience, creativity, and love required to properly raise a child. Too many people go into parenthood without a clue of what skills they need. I feel pretty good about having had lots of experience with kids (from helping to raise my siblings, babysitting and being a nanny, and being an assistant to several elementary-school teachers), but I know that when the time comes, I will still have a lot of learning to do.

I'm also lucky to have a partner who has the same values and attitudes towards child-rearing that I do. Plus, some nice genetic counsellor on this board told us that we're gonna have the most beautiful babies :)
 

geminigirl

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by sugar
I am really looking forward to the day that I can start having kids. I always had this idea that I wanted to have my first child when I was 28, but now I'm a bit more flexible with regard to age.




...Me too, I really thought that I would have kids by now...but nope not yet!...Now I don't feel the rush anymore...it will happen when it happens.:D

Maxine
 
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gazgiz

TRIBE Member
i think too many fuckwads in this world have children...which just makes them grow up to be fuckwads...another one of life's vicious cycles.

kids are absolutely amazing (most of them anyways) it's their parents that ruin and warp them. i've always had a difficult time grasping parents excuses of music, media, television warping their children out of control. hel-lo...it's called parenting do ur goddamn job and ur children would not be out of control.

^^ someone's post up there stated that children need to be taught values and such. absolutely. should the parents have these values. absolutely.

i am just ranting. i have seen too many children come from completely dysfunctional homes and children who just seem to be pawns in their parent's lives. so sad it's just down right shitte. it's nice to see thought going into the decision of parenting and all its implications/responsibilities that go with it.
 

janiecakes

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by ian
Well, my wife is 5 months pregnant, we're the first one's of our social circle. I'll let you all know how it works out. Myself, I'm just hoping the little beastie doesn't have a tail : )
congratulations. :)

new baby time!
 

smilez

TRIBE Member
I have never really wanted to have children of my own. Now at 23 my mother is pregnant (she's 39) so I will be quite a lot older than what will be my only sibling. This should be an interesting situation as the age difference between my sibling and I will be greater that the one between my mother and I. This situation may shed light on the matter of having my own children, who knows one day I may be a proud mother.

smilez
 

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
To be socially responsible, nobody should have more than 1 child.

And if you think there is something wrong with that statement, you need to learn a bit more about the world as a whole.
 
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