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Getting Robbed


TRIBE Member
The first time I experienced "robbery" it wasn't my money. Cause I was young. And lived at my parents. And my parents are loaded but employ a bunch of scumbags, a very sort of, ionno, bourgeoisie or slumlord millionaire sort of thing.

But not really.

It hits harder when you get robbed yourself.

First for me was when I was at a house party in a shit hole area of kitchener, near Gage St. and... Belmont? Shitty enough to forget it. Party was good. But I was gayed up in tight plaid jeans and a shirt so silver you could see your reflection in my 22 year old pecs. Twice.

Apparently this outfit didn't "jive" with the underage scumbag twats there and after stealing my beer they then on continued to punch me in the face and steal my sunglasses. Ah they went for my wallet, they, I mean five kids on one homo, with the express intention of gay bashing me, but -- their plan didn't work out so well for two of them.

There was an attempt to rob my friend's purse in Tanzania. Skinny (what am I supposed to call him that's not offensive to readers? Heavily tanned boy? Yeah Burlesconi is laughing) grabbed the purse and I chased his barefooted shit stinking ass down some trench before he threw it down and disappeared into his family's own muck. Great.

What confused me most was the time some homeless dick was invited back here and after all the beer and blow he needed some comedown and I had a good volume of alprazolam; highly effective for cocaine psychosis. That worked but the next day I noticed I had been relieved of all my groceries. FUCK ME: thought I.

I'm talking basic shit, technically, like frozen french fries, a bunch of pizzas, not your best stuff. Oddly, whoever did it, done left $300-$600 in my wallet so, I guess I wasn't too bothered. But I did phone that bitch back and wailed.

More quantifiably was that (sorry don't want to offend anyone here, lets say, person of origin to Saskatchewan) sold me a shit ass bunch of cocaine then took me out to a parking lot in broad daylight where I promptly blew him between a McDonalds and a ... whatever kind of store they have in Saskatchewan. Parking lot. Think FLAT parking lot. Now HOW THE FUCK did that (original people habitating the lands now known as Saskatchewan) get his fuckin hands into my back pocket whilst I was sucking off his cock? Well the nice thing about that boy was, OK he stole $200 or $300 but at least he chucked my wallet to the pavement before dashing off, just like his great ancestry taught him.

The most recent is again a grocery incident and the most unsolved. Someone, somehow, stole 24 schnitzels and 12 wrapped, frozen chicken breasts from my freezer, leaving me without schnitzel and chicken for a time. Still, I have no idea how he/she/they pulled this off. I was drunk at a Portuguese bar, well, for several days, at the time. I will never know the answer.

On a related note, a new 19 year old drug dealer has made fancy here and the old hard addicts are gone so here's to turning a new leaf. Gemuetlichkeit and happy Oktoberfest and all that.

Alex D. from TRIBE on Utility Room