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Friendship expiry dates

depraved

TRIBE Member
A reunion of sorts. Queen bee comes home. Some of the cast from hard partying days (1996-2001), some new (to me anyway, since I don't make it out much anymore) youngish & pretty fresh faces. Pub setting. Cross talk galore. Left after rehabbed departed & before the party went upstairs to an apt above the bar (I'm not coke friendly).

My wife couldn't be arsed to make it out. "It wouldn't matter to me if I never saw them again." I'm coming to the same place where's she's at.

Reminded me of a memorable quote from a movie:

"Who says friendship lasts forever? We'd all like it to, maybe. But maybe ...it just wears out like everything else - like tires. There's just so much mileage in them and then you're riding around on nothing but air."

And another quote from a passing acquaintance: "Nobody's forcing anybody to be friends."
 

skin deep

TRIBE Member
I think it depends on the person and group as well. Most of my friends from back home I've known for ~15 years and have basically been there for all the important phases of my life, and me for theirs. Same things with my new friends abroad, a tight group that has held together for far longer than most 'expat' groups... so who knows. But of course there have been some relationships that just didn't last, but I wouldn't really call those true friendships.
 

erika

TRIBE Member
You can grow out of friends just like anything else. And there is no rule that says that because you were friends with someone when you were 19, you MUST remain friends with them forever.
 

deep

TRIBE Member
I kill and eat my friends every 10 years. Together 4everrrrrrr

By friends I mean Count Chocula and Frankenberry
 
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dreamweaver

TRIBE Member
"party friends" I can usually take them or leave them

sometimes all you have in common is the party and if you aren't into the same stuff anymore then it makes sense to go your separate ways :)

I have friends that I share everything about myself with and vice versa. Those are the people I work on a friendship with.
 

Gfunkdiva

TRIBE Member
I'm in the process of shedding some pretty important relationships that have lasted 12+ years because I'm starting to realize they're toxic and no longer serving me they whey they once did. It's heartbreaking but liberating at the same time. Onward and upward I guess.
 

LeoGirl

TRIBE Member
I have a tier system for friends

Top tier are my best of the best - share my secrets, cry on their shoulder.
Middle tier are great people that I enjoy spending time with.
Bottom tier are people I see and know but have never really had to opportunity to get to know them outside of a party.
 

MissBlu

TRIBE Member
“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

friends are on different levels and play different parts of and in our lives.

yes, i think friendships can expire, people move in different directions, and sometimes life happens and it works out differently than we can control.

my closest friends, i consider part of my family.
 
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deep

TRIBE Member
Obviously you can outgrow friends, as people change so can what they have in common. But I am seriously suspect of anyone that hasn't had long term friends or whose best friends are people they kind of recently met. Usually there's some kind of self absorbed fall out at some point and the pattern repeats itself with a fresh batch later on. Anyone can be buddies in the superficial honeymoon phase of things.
 

dreamweaver

TRIBE Member
LeoGirl said:
I have a tier system for friends

Top tier are my best of the best - share my secrets, cry on their shoulder.
Middle tier are great people that I enjoy spending time with.
Bottom tier are people I see and know but have never really had to opportunity to get to know them outside of a party.

great explanation
 
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kuba

TRIBE Member
Really?

You mean to say you are friends with the people you've always been with?

Bullsheiiiit.
 

skin deep

TRIBE Member
kuba said:
Really?

You mean to say you are friends with the people you've always been with?

Bullsheiiiit.

No, not at all. I'm just saying that some friends come, and stay, while others definitely come and go. Most of my closest friends I have known for 15+ years, with a lot of stragglers in between. But there are definitely friends that are friends for life.
 

Rajio

Well-Known TRIBEr
LeoGirl said:
I have a tier system for friends

Top tier are my best of the best - share my secrets, cry on their shoulder.
Middle tier are great people that I enjoy spending time with.
Bottom tier are people I see and know but have never really had to opportunity to get to know them outside of a party.

Yes, it's called having a broader vocabulary for your relationships with people than just calling everyone 'friend'.

ie: the people in your bottom tier aren't "friends" they are "acquaintances"
 
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Lysistrata

Well-Known TRIBEr
i've never had to say someone "i don't want to be your friend anymore" but i've certainly made the decision to no longer put any effort into maintaining a friendship.

sometimes you go a couple of months without seeing someone and when you do see them again you have nothing in common anymore. sometimes you can not see someone for a year but when you see each other again you're as comfortable with each other as ever. my deep river cello-playing friend is like that. we lived together for one summer once between 2nd and 3rd year uni, we've had huge stretches of being out of touch (the most significant being when she married a very bad man) but we're still friends. she came to visit in Sept after I hadn't seen her for a year and it was lovely. (of course now facevbook keeps us in touch.) compared to people i spent 4 whole years with in uni and now i have no clue where they are or what's up with them - you can't tell who's gonna stick to your life until they're already stuck.

someone recently said to me the old cliche about how havijng a few close friends is better than having a lot of casual friends. however, those 2 things are in no way mutually exclusive, so why wouldn't you want to have both?
 

mingster

TRIBE Member
depraved said:
A reunion of sorts. Queen bee comes home. Some of the cast from hard partying days (1996-2001), some new (to me anyway, since I don't make it out much anymore) youngish & pretty fresh faces. Pub setting. Cross talk galore. Left after rehabbed departed & before the party went upstairs to an apt above the bar (I'm not coke friendly).

My wife couldn't be arsed to make it out. "It wouldn't matter to me if I never saw them again." I'm coming to the same place where's she's at.

Reminded me of a memorable quote from a movie:

"Who says friendship lasts forever? We'd all like it to, maybe. But maybe ...it just wears out like everything else - like tires. There's just so much mileage in them and then you're riding around on nothing but air."

And another quote from a passing acquaintance: "Nobody's forcing anybody to be friends."

totally
 

PosTMOd

Well-Known TRIBEr
Friends are like assholes-- everyone has one. Or is it at least one? Anyway, I have an opinion and an asshole. Sometimes I play with my asshole at recess like it's my best friend.
 

skin deep

TRIBE Member
OutcastTO said:
cool. I have a few friends from pre-high school, but I can count them on one hand.

Yeah, I guess it depends. Then again, if you asked my friends whether they have friends from pre-high school, they would all say yes. So, according to my stats, I win.
 
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