foot in mouth stories

[kuba]

the other day, while the england game was on the tv, i was discussing mortgages with a client. she had a thick accent. very thick. very british.

or so I thought.

anyways, we were talking, and I finsihed by saying, "real sorry to take up so much of your time, while your england team is playing".

she shoots back "you know jake, i'm not english, i'm scottish".

oops.

now, your turn.

(stories where you put your foot in someone's mouth, and they kissed it and licked it need not apply)

 

[Bumbaclat]

I was quiet young the first time I did this.. it was actually caught on camera.

 

[Wiseman]

reallyy kuba I'm sure you have a much better foot in mouth story than that.

 

[Skipper]

I was shopping in halifax.

the sales person was a bit on the heavy side but not REALLY overweight, and she pointed out that she liked a certain fit of jean, which happens to be my favorite of the entire line. and I added "I know, the wide leg is perfect." She didn't help me very much after that.

 

[Bumbaclat]

. and here is a lovely photo of the disease version...

 

[judge wopner]

she shoots back "you know jake, i'm not english, i'm scottish".

a foot in mouth would have been if you responded;

"whatever, its all the same bangers and mash eating bucktoothed ugly bunch of hooligans who think they can play soccer"

 

[alcid]

My old neighbour killed himself back in January. I was up at my parents' place a couple of weeks ago and his widow was visiting them as well. We were talking about how different our generation is, moving around jobs and careers so much, and someone asked me if they thought I'd be able to work at the same place for 30 years. Before I could think the better of it, I said "I think I'd probably shoot myself in the head." Thankfully everyone laughed so there was no uncomfortable moment, but I still felt kind of bad...

 

[kuba]

reallyy kuba I'm sure you have a much better foot in mouth story than that.

I do. But I had to start off at the freshman level.

 

[kuba]

wopner and alcid get a hhaHAHAHAHAHHAhAhAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!1

 

[Bumbaclat]

reallyy kuba I'm sure you have a much better foot in mouth story than that.

I have one involving the kuba meister himself. One of the first times I'd met him, I think it was a Tribe halloween party on brant st. I offered him a line of something illegal, then he says no, his friend had just died from that. 5 minutes later he told me I couldnt' call him kuba, had to be jake.

We've gotten over that first friendship road bump.

 

[Vincent Vega]

A couple of year's ago I was best man at a good friend's wedding.

During the rehearsal dinner, a pregnant friend of his (who I knew but hadn't seen in several months) walked heavily by me.

Out of politeness I made a little small talk and asked her when she was due because "it must be pretty close now eh?"

She fixed me with the coldest look I'd seen in a long time and says "Rob, I had my baby 3 months ago you asshole!"

I was a tad embarrassed and it only made it worse when, a couple of days later at the wedding itself, she passed by me in the receiving line with her mother and said out loud "that's the guy who thought I was still pregnant!" Cold look again, this time from mom as well.


I should also point out that at this same wedding, while we were signing the paperwork at the altar I noticed the photographer leaning in to get a good shot of yours truly. Not wanting him to get the top of my head, I looked up and smiled pretty for the camera while I signed......

Only a few moments later did we realize that I had signed where the priest was supposed to. And we then had to resign them all after.

I haven't been a best man for anyone since.

 

[Wiseman]

I have one involving the kuba meister himself. One of the first times I'd met him, I think it was a Tribe halloween party on brant st. I offered him a line of something illegal, then he says no, his friend had just died from that. 5 minutes later he told me I couldnt' call him kuba, had to be jake.

We've gotten over that first friendship road bump.

haha at "road bump"

 

[Bumbaclat]

I was a tad embarrassed and it only made it worse when, a couple of days later at the wedding itself, she passed by me in the receiving line with her mother and said out loud "that's the guy who thought I was still pregnant!" Cold look again, this time from mom as well.

It's not the best move you've made but this sounds a little too precious. You wouldn't confuse her for pregnant if she didn't look it. Tell that to the mom as well.

 

[Wiseman]

it's not your fault she can't get the baby weight off.

 

[Vincent Vega]

It's not the best move you've made but this sounds a little too precious. You wouldn't confuse her for pregnant if she didn't look it. Tell that to the mom as well.

I was tempted to say that.....but I figured I'd cut my losses!

 

[deep]

It's not the best move you've made but this sounds a little too precious. You wouldn't confuse her for pregnant if she didn't look it. Tell that to the mom as well.

"So do you want a little brother or sister?"

 

[Wiseman]

I put my foot in my mouth daily and end up in the doghouse everytime! Although I think she is getting used to it and gets over it a little faster each time.

Sorry I can't post details.........

 

[miller]

grade 8

cute girl: my dad was tall, like 6'4"

me: what happened, did they cut off his legs???

cute girl: no, he's dead.

 

[Katman]

Out of politeness I made a little small talk and asked her when she was due because "it must be pretty close now eh?"

She fixed me with the coldest look I'd seen in a long time and says "Rob, I had my baby 3 months ago you asshole!"

I.

Very similar story from a friend of mine..except..

1. The woman was hosting a dinner party and he had only met her once before
2. He did the full 'you're a pregnant lady and therefore I'm allowed to rub your belly' move.

Dinner was appearently very awkward. :O

 

[Rude1_247]

copy/pasted from the Career Suicide - Tales of Stupid Things People do at Work thread:

This story happens that same summer at the same restaurant:

I'd been working there for a couple of months and had managed to become pretty good at it. My confidence was high, the tips were rolling in, and I had a good time chatting it up with the guests.

One night I had a family of 5 sit down for dinner. Being a scarborough restaurant, we occassionally (see: often) get guests who look like they don't really give a shit about their appearances and tend to act kind of odd, so no one is really "out of the ordinary" there. This particular family was made up of one very large woman, a man with an extremely odd haircut and shoes that kind of looked like those fashion clogs all the ladies wear, and 3 ratty kids. My first clue that something was wrong *should* have been when the woman ordered for everyone, including the man who was remaining silent and making an paper airplane out of one of the kids menus. However, I was concentrating too hard on being witty and charming and paid little attention to the man.

I'd delivered the food about 15 minutes after taking the order and was HEAVY in the weeds, running around from table to table taking other orders. I stopped at the table with the large lady and planeboy to do a table check (step 6) and asked them if there was anything I could get them. The man then spoke up.... and here's the part that comes into play later: I *thought* his mouth was full and that's why he sounded funny.... anyways, he said "can i have thome beeef gwavey?"...

Being my ridiculously annoying server self, trying to be witty with the guests (as the restaurant was known for that kind of service) I mimicked him and said "yoo wan sum beef gwavey? okay, I'll get yoo sum beef gwavey" and walked away, assured in the fact that my little gentle teasing of the man with his mouth full would score points with Ms Fatty and earn myself a better tip.

The gravy was delivered as I rushed by to another table, and I manged to swing back by the table to check how they were doing. I asked the man "how's that gravy working out for you?" to which he replied: "I'M DONKING MY FWIES LIKE SHAKEEEEEL ONEEEEEEL!!!" whilst making an overexaggerated dunking motion.

Realising my blunder, but not realizing how close I was to the table still, I turned around to a coworker, in shock, and said "oh fuck, I'm going to hell, I just made fun of a retard!". It was at THAT moment I decided to get my bearings and realized I was still standing RIGHT next to said retard.

Needless to say, Ms. Blumpkin wasn't too pleased and they dine and dashed on me. Which when you think about it is kind of remarkable given that fatties aren't known for their stealth and retards, though known for having near super-strength, aren't known for speed.

 

[littlejon]

jon buying games at a shop in ottawa:
i ask the dude behind the counter if he just got his tongue pierced, 'cause he had that lispy thing going on.

clerk fixes me with the cold, dead eyes and says:
no i have a cleth pallet, asshoth

ouch.

 

[Katman]

copy/pasted from the Career Suicide - Tales of Stupid Things People do at Work thread:

This story happens that same summer at the same restaurant:

I'd been working there for a couple of months and had managed to become pretty good at it. My confidence was high, the tips were rolling in, and I had a good time chatting it up with the guests.

One night I had a family of 5 sit down for dinner. Being a scarborough restaurant, we occassionally (see: often) get guests who look like they don't really give a shit about their appearances and tend to act kind of odd, so no one is really "out of the ordinary" there. This particular family was made up of one very large woman, a man with an extremely odd haircut and shoes that kind of looked like those fashion clogs all the ladies wear, and 3 ratty kids. My first clue that something was wrong *should* have been when the woman ordered for everyone, including the man who was remaining silent and making an paper airplane out of one of the kids menus. However, I was concentrating too hard on being witty and charming and paid little attention to the man.

I'd delivered the food about 15 minutes after taking the order and was HEAVY in the weeds, running around from table to table taking other orders. I stopped at the table with the large lady and planeboy to do a table check (step 6) and asked them if there was anything I could get them. The man then spoke up.... and here's the part that comes into play later: I *thought* his mouth was full and that's why he sounded funny.... anyways, he said "can i have thome beeef gwavey?"...

Being my ridiculously annoying server self, trying to be witty with the guests (as the restaurant was known for that kind of service) I mimicked him and said "yoo wan sum beef gwavey? okay, I'll get yoo sum beef gwavey" and walked away, assured in the fact that my little gentle teasing of the man with his mouth full would score points with Ms Fatty and earn myself a better tip.

The gravy was delivered as I rushed by to another table, and I manged to swing back by the table to check how they were doing. I asked the man "how's that gravy working out for you?" to which he replied: "I'M DONKING MY FWIES LIKE SHAKEEEEEL ONEEEEEEL!!!" whilst making an overexaggerated dunking motion.

Realising my blunder, but not realizing how close I was to the table still, I turned around to a coworker, in shock, and said "oh fuck, I'm going to hell, I just made fun of a retard!". It was at THAT moment I decided to get my bearings and realized I was still standing RIGHT next to said retard.

Needless to say, Ms. Blumpkin wasn't too pleased and they dine and dashed on me. Which when you think about it is kind of remarkable given that fatties aren't known for their stealth and retards, though known for having near super-strength, aren't known for speed.

That just made my day...again. LMAO

 

[The Watcher]

http://images1.americanprogress.org/il80web20037/ThinkProgress/2006/wallsten.320.240.mov

President Bush To Legally Blind Reporter: ‘Are You Going to Ask That Question with Shades On?’

At a press conference this morning, President Bush needled Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten after he stood up to ask a question wearing sunglasses. “Are you going to ask that question with shades on?” Bush said, telling Wallsten, “I’m interested in the shade look, seriously.”
But as Wonkette first noted, and which ThinkProgress subsquently confirmed, Wallsten is legally blind. Wallsten tells us he has a rare genetic disorder called Stargardt’s Disease. The disease is a form of macular degeneration that can be slowed “by wearing UV-protective sunglasses and avoiding exposure to bright light.”
Wallsten said Bush’s comments did not offend him at all. “I never advertise it to him. I’ve never told him.”
Watch it:

Transcript below:

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?
Q I can take them off.
THE PRESIDENT: I’m interested in the shade look, seriously.
Q All right, I’ll keep it, then.
THE PRESIDENT: For the viewers, there’s no sun. (Laughter.)
Q I guess it depends on your perspective. (Laughter.)
THE PRESIDENT: Touche. (Laughter.)
Q Following up on the other Peter’s question about Karl Rove, you said that you were relieved with what happened yesterday. But the American public, over the course of this investigation, has learned a lot about what was going on in your White House that they didn’t know before, during that time, the way some people were trying to go after Joe Wilson, in some ways. I’m wondering if, over the course of this investigation, that you have learned anything that you didn’t know before about what was going on in your administration. And do you have any work to do to rebuild credibility that might have been lost?
THE PRESIDENT: I think that — first of all, the decision by the prosecutor speaks for itself. He had a full investigation. Karl Rove went in front of the grand jury like — I don’t — a lot of times. More times than — they took a hard look at his role.
Secondly, as I told the other Peter, I’m going to tell you, that there’s an ongoing trial, it’s a serious business. And I’ve made the comments I’m going to make about this incident, and I’m going to put this part of the situation behind us and move forward.
​

 

[acheron]

I think "I'M DONKING MY FWIES LIKE SHAKEEEEEL ONEEEEEEL!!!" is going to replace "TAXI!!!!" in my lexicon of Shortbuschiszms.

 

[judge wopner]

Needless to say, Ms. Blumpkin wasn't too pleased and they dine and dashed on me. Which when you think about it is kind of remarkable given that fatties aren't known for their stealth and retards, though known for having near super-strength, aren't known for speed.

the lession is the best part!!