copy/pasted from the Career Suicide - Tales of Stupid Things People do at Work thread:
This story happens that same summer at the same restaurant:
I'd been working there for a couple of months and had managed to become pretty good at it. My confidence was high, the tips were rolling in, and I had a good time chatting it up with the guests.
One night I had a family of 5 sit down for dinner. Being a scarborough restaurant, we occassionally (see: often) get guests who look like they don't really give a shit about their appearances and tend to act kind of odd, so no one is really "out of the ordinary" there. This particular family was made up of one very large woman, a man with an extremely odd haircut and shoes that kind of looked like those fashion clogs all the ladies wear, and 3 ratty kids. My first clue that something was wrong *should* have been when the woman ordered for everyone, including the man who was remaining silent and making an paper airplane out of one of the kids menus. However, I was concentrating too hard on being witty and charming and paid little attention to the man.
I'd delivered the food about 15 minutes after taking the order and was HEAVY in the weeds, running around from table to table taking other orders. I stopped at the table with the large lady and planeboy to do a table check (step 6) and asked them if there was anything I could get them. The man then spoke up.... and here's the part that comes into play later: I *thought* his mouth was full and that's why he sounded funny.... anyways, he said "can i have thome beeef gwavey?"...
Being my ridiculously annoying server self, trying to be witty with the guests (as the restaurant was known for that kind of service) I mimicked him and said "yoo wan sum beef gwavey? okay, I'll get yoo sum beef gwavey" and walked away, assured in the fact that my little gentle teasing of the man with his mouth full would score points with Ms Fatty and earn myself a better tip.
The gravy was delivered as I rushed by to another table, and I manged to swing back by the table to check how they were doing. I asked the man "how's that gravy working out for you?" to which he replied: "I'M DONKING MY FWIES LIKE SHAKEEEEEL ONEEEEEEL!!!" whilst making an overexaggerated dunking motion.
Realising my blunder, but not realizing how close I was to the table still, I turned around to a coworker, in shock, and said "oh fuck, I'm going to hell, I just made fun of a retard!". It was at THAT moment I decided to get my bearings and realized I was still standing RIGHT next to said retard.
Needless to say, Ms. Blumpkin wasn't too pleased and they dine and dashed on me. Which when you think about it is kind of remarkable given that fatties aren't known for their stealth and retards, though known for having near super-strength, aren't known for speed.