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Food Network Television Personalities Suitable For Ibiza

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by nawberry, Jan 16, 2006.

  1. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Food Network Television Personalities Suitable For Ibiza

    2005 was definitely the year we all came to love the Ibiza thread, and what is not to love about arbitrarily picking a category of subjects and then deciding

    whom among the subjects is suitable for an Ibizan vacation. The fact that there is also strong education component to Ibiza thread is just added gravy.

    The time is right for Tribe's first Ibiza thread of '06. Had I waited to till the 17th I would have missed my chance, and the 15th would have been a tad premature.

    Now I think the next Ibiza thread should be handled by Ravaged Skulls, and I hope he takes up the challenge, but for now, I thought that a examination into which Food Network personalities are Ibizable and which Food Network personalities are not Ibizable is an idea whose time has come.

    As you likely know, Food Network Television or Food TV or FoV is the destination for Canadians who crave inspiring food programming, have the munchies, or have misplaced their remote and are too lazy and/or high to get up and change the channel. And aside from Showcase, Life Network, History Television, HGTV Canada, Food Network Canada, Showcase Action, Showcase Diva, National Geographic Channel, BBC Canada, BBC Kids, Discovery Health Channel, Fine Living, and IFC, it is Alliance Atlantis' most significant contribution to the saturated Canadian Cable TV Landscape.

    Here are my picks:


    David Rosengarten- Taste


    This guy is pretension to the maximum. I mean, this jerk has a "philosophy to dining",couldn't pour a beer properly if his life depended on it, and will only eat burgers that are made with Wagyu Beef, as otherwise it is only "simple peasant street food".
    So why would I want to go to Ibiza with David Rosengarten you ask?.....
    It is because it would be hilarious to see this guy get repeatedly beat up by Ibizan partiers for his condescending remarks. Perhaps I would even get a couple of good shots in myself,a nd I would definitely steal his wallet and max out his Amex on bad things while he laid unconscious on the beach.

    Tony Bourdain- Cook's tour


    Well travelled and a true partier, Anthony Bourdaine is a reformed ex-heroin addict, chimney-rivaling smoker, and lady-killer. Three stikes your in, and I don't think it would take long to get rid of that "ex". Nawberry and Bourdaine would be a fun Ibiza combo.

    Two fat ladies- Two fat Ladies


    Can you say "menage a trois"?.... and coupled with heaping plates of bacon, sausages and mutton for breakfast, I would go to Ibiza with these two babes sooner than you can say "farmer's sausage." My only concern is that we never leave the hotel room.

    Robin De Groot- Restaurant Makeover


    What? I am not gay...its just that he seems fun and I just kinds thought it would be nice to get to know him better. And he could give me fucked-up decorating tips while under the influence.

    No Ibiza For You!

    Mario Batali- Ciao America


    Firstly, I am pretty sure you are not allowed to wear shorts in Space or Pacha. Secondly, this guys idea of partying is likely snorting olive oil and watching old Juila Childs re-runs while clipping his toenails. Thirdly, he would be a complete bore, likely going on and on and on and on about how the Sardinian approach to pizza is the best approach to pizza or about how he once at over 500 canolis in one sitting.

    David Adjay- Restaurant Makeover


    This prententious, self righteous condescending fuck puts foie gras into an ice cream cone and thinks that he is the culinary Picasso. Plus I don't think girls would be entirely comfortable in his presence.

    Juan-Carlos Cruz- The Calorie Commando


    He calls himself the Calorie Commando, need I say more?

    Finally, I should mention that I have already gone to Ibiza for a passion filled week in 2004 with Elizabeth Baird, so I did not consider her for this list.

    Tribers, who are your picks?
  2. trinitydub

    trinitydub TRIBE Member

    sorry, the fat one died
  3. Hamza

    Hamza TRIBE Member

  4. xopus

    xopus TRIBE Member

    Kevin Brauch.


    The guy had his own tv show dedicated to travelling around the world and getting drunk. He'd be a blast in Ibiza
  5. NCR

    NCR TRIBE Member

    I'd pick Chef Massimo, chuck a few pills in hiefer's duck confit, throw him in the middle of Pascha to dance for 16 straight hours. Also Igor from Restaurant Makeover looks like he'd be a serious wing man.
  6. Hamza

    Hamza TRIBE Member

    I can't remember her name, but there is this gal who does italian cooking. She is so beautiful!

    I just watch her make whatever the hell she is making.
  7. TRO

    TRO TRIBE Member


    david Rocco's Dolce Vita would be great...his friend had a crazy gucci fedora worth alot of money I would guess

    but alot of his show takes place in Italy anyways
  8. DoubleDown

    DoubleDown TRIBE Member



  9. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Massimo I totally agree with. He would be like travelling with Santa, and would be an awesome wingman that would know to take a backseat and/or amuse a lesser friend if it would help the nawberry cause. He may need two seats on the plane.

    Igor, to me, seems like trouble. I see him getting in a near-fight three minutes after getting into a club because a guy was looking at his overallls funny, him getting kicked out, and then bitching about how "this Island sucks" for the remainder of the vacation insisting on sticking to regular bars the rest if the time. However, on the plus side, he may have Russian Mob connections, which would mean pills for a quarter and hotel credit card bills that miraculously vanish.
  10. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    That is what the Ibiza Thread is all about.
  11. NCR

    NCR TRIBE Member


    Everyday Italian host Giada De Laurentis?
  12. Hamza

    Hamza TRIBE Member



  13. oh toro

    oh toro TRIBE Member

    jamie oliver says he doesnt party in the kitchen, but then again tenaglia says he spins drug free...

    jamie would be the man in ibiza regardless of what he says.


    Kitchens awash with coke


    TELLY chef Jamie Oliver has lifted the lid on Britain’s restaurant kitchens — saying they are awash with cocaine.

    He claims young cooks are encouraged to snort the class-A drug to help them work long hours in the kitchen.

    Jamie, 30, hinted many famous chefs have been cocaine addicts.

    The School Dinners star said: “The kitchens in London are filled with drugs. And the cocktail of hot oil, sharp knives and cocaine is f****** lethal.

    “When I was 18 I remember being pushed into the loo, where some cocaine was lined up.

    “I was told to take it to make the night shift go easier — but I blew it into the loo. I was too scared to take it.

    “I’m happy I didn’t. I have seen what it does to great chefs.â€

    The dad of two demanded the use of drugs in UK restaurants be stamped out after witnessing the damage it has done to many of his fellow food-workers.

    Meanwhile, TV watchdogs have rejected 57 complaints about Oliver and fellow chef Gordon Ramsay killing animals on their Channel 4 shows.

    Oliver slit a lamb’s throat in Jamie’s Great Escape and Ramsay’s F Word featured six turkeys being slaughtered.
  14. Flashy_McFlash

    Flashy_McFlash Well-Known TRIBEr

    Christine Cushing, while a little bossy, would probably make for an enjoyable Ibiza partner. I think she'd be the chick who, despite your protests, would drag you out of bed at 8:30 pm to get ready to go to Space, even though the coke you did last night was mostly Sugar Twin and that slut you brought home turned out to be a tranny.
  15. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Bob Blumer aka the Surreal Gourmet would overall be no fun, but it would be cool to see how surreal his cooking gets when messed on ketamine.


    I mean this is the type of crap he comes up with when sober:



    I am thinking Blumer on K would create something like this, which he would call techno chicken:

  16. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    He would rat you out in a second. And he seems to be the Doug Christie of chefs and would need to call home all the time.
  17. oh toro

    oh toro TRIBE Member

    never trust a skinny chef!
  18. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    If he brought his wife Nina I would be down with going to Ibiza with Rocco.

    I guess it would be meddling, but for whatever reason one of my life's missions is to do what I can to break-up David Rocco's marriage with Nina. I guess that is just the cost of celebrity.

    Being in Ibiza with the both of them, and hopefully cheating with Nina, would be a good way of becoming a wedge between them,

    That is a far work more effective way of separting those two lovebirds than my current methodology of sending dangerous recipes to David, and Laura Secord chocolates to Nina

  19. b3nji

    b3nji TRIBE Member


    is that Judge Jules on the right?
  20. twist

    twist TRIBE Member

    I want the last 2 minutes of my life back.
  21. Ditto Much

    Ditto Much TRIBE Member



    I can't give you the last two minutes back, but how about a vote for pie.
  22. Kung Po Beef

    Kung Po Beef TRIBE Member

    I'd love to give Rachel Ray an e and watch her chew the right side of her face off.
  23. stir-fry

    stir-fry TRIBE Member

    I'd give her an e and let her chew my right nut off.
  24. Stormshadow

    Stormshadow TRIBE Member

    It wasn't funny the first few times you posted it.

    Give it up.
  25. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    I find Rachel Ray to be too nerdy.

    Although if she could do Ibiza for $40 a day that would be cool. I could see one of her tips A great way to save money is to buy crystal meth from local dealers, it suppresses your hunger so you save money on food.

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