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dr. cosa World Cup: the good/bad/ugly

judge wopner

TRIBE Member
its wednesday, and its 2 days away from world cup time gang.....

its a great time to watch the games and make all sorts of racialist remarks, cloaked delicately behind the mask of soccer analysis.

my official picks:

(italy, brazil final. honerable mentions: mexico, Ivory Coast, holland).

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The world cup 2006, the good the bad the ugly


England:

the good:

wayne rooney. he should be fit for the second round which england will no doubt advance to, looking the strongest ive ever seen them

the bad:

david beckham. great crosser, bad captain.

the ugly:

english people.


Holland:

the good:

youth. they scraped several marque veterans in favour of a young squad who have played much of their youth together in Hollands Legendary youth system. what they lack in experience they make up for in speed and greater team cohesion than previous dutch squads.

the bad:

youth. its also a bad, soccer is a young mans game, but the world cup is won very often by men of character, in their late 20's and early 30's who keep their cool when all about them red cards are being thrown and suspect penalty kicks are being awarded. many a team is eliminated not from poor play but from poor tempers and foolish bookings (beckham, Totti and the entire ducth national team the most shining examples)

the ugly:

dutch food. seriously, what do these people eat to make them so tall, it cant be tasty, Allah just doesnt work like that.


Spain:

the good:

Fernando Torres. aka El Nino. wathcing him spin and twist his way around defenders is unreal.
you may never have heard of him, but you will by the time spain gets eliminiated far too early as usual in this 2006 world cup. (just joking, spain is the real deal, a chronic under-acheiver that is in the midst of a breakout)

the bad:

defense. they call spain's goal keeper "the vampire" because he is scared of crosses.

the ugly:

english people. spain is the UK's favourite vacation spot.


France:

the good:

zedan. i still cant speall this guys name but its his last world cup appearance. what a class act, his passes are works of art.

the bad:

options. of lack of them other than passing the ball to Zedane.

the ugly:

english people. france is the UK's 2nd favourite vacation spot.


Germany:

the good:

math. consistency + home court advantage + oliver khan= excellent prospects

the bad:

height. germans believe their tall squad gives them the kind of air superiority enjoyed by the luftwaffe in the late 1930's. germany lost that war, and height does not win world cups, just ask any scandinavian team.

the ugly:

strudel. i love that stuff almost as much as the lard based crust loves clinging to my arterial walls.


Ukraine:

the good:

shevchenko. top flight player, has the impact of 3 mortal soccer players.

the bad:

ive never heard of any other Ukrainian player.

the ugly:

the Ukrainian Travel office, swamped with requests fro citizens to have permission to leave the country to watch games in germany. only those deemed not to be a flight risk may go.

Portugal:

the good:

portugese girls.

the bad:

portugese guys

the ugly:

portugese academic achievement scores in the GTA

Italy:

the good:

fresh meat. new faces like de rossi, toni and gilardino bring lively attacking soccer to the birth place of lock down defesne.

the bad:

tendency to play to the same level of their competition. be it brazil or Azerbijan, italy is the toronto maple leafs of soccer.

the ugly:

english people. looking all the more ugly when in italy.


Iran:

the good:

crude oil reserves

the bad:

religious zealotry

the ugly:

temper. if Iran looses control of games as easily as iranian men loose their temper, iran may be heading back to the dessert early this world cup.

Togo:

the good:

heart. this tiny nation bangs out some quality players

the bad:

inexperience.

the ugly:

water. very little of it is drinkable in togo.


Mexico:

the good:

tenacity. mexico plays soccer like it's nation's boxers: you keep hitting them but they wont go down. mexico is my dark horse for this tournament.

the bad:

lack of creativity means teams will zero in on their offensive patterns quick.

the ugly:

cancun during spring break


USA:

the good:

heart. this is a decent squad that plays well together.

the bad:

american soccer analysts. no matter how poorly the USA may perform, they rest easy in the presumption that its only a matter of time before america dominates the game.

the ugly:

blood tests. the ones that show the average american has 3 times the body fat than their entire world cup squad combined.


Argentina:

the good:

talent. great players at each position. 2006 may see the emergence of maradonna part 2. just watch.

the bad:

argentina naturally are offended brazil gets all the attention in south america. they have put themself in a proverbial "ill show you who can play soccer" mindset, when argentina plays best just showing off for the girls.

the ugly:

defensive line seems pegged in the sand tighter than the peso to the US dollar.


Brazil:

the good:

ronaldinho.

the bad:

goal keeping.

the ugly:

pressure. anything less than victory will be greeted with kidnappings of players families.


Trinidad and Tobago:

the good:

indian girls but without all the "south asian" superiority complex.

the bad:

caribana. why it struggles to get funding every year from sponsors who no doubt profit from the influx of people that flock to the city for the parade.

the ugly:

soca.

Japan:

the good:

ranking. best team in asia

the bad:

identity. japan has this really odd tendency to copy other nations systems of play and improve on them.

the ugly:

panties. you can buy them in vending machines in japan. the product of a very sick nation.

Croatia:

the good:

croatian girls.

the bad:

division. if yugoslavians could get along for just a few summers in all of their turbulent history the croats, serbs, bosnia's and sloveinians could feild one of the worlds best squads. instead they have 4 mediocre ones.

the ugly:

serbia vs. croatia, round 2.


Sweeden:

the good:

forwards. ibrahimovic and larsson. 2 class acts

the bad:

6 months of darkness.

the ugly:

sweedish breakfast. liverwurst on rye bread with creamed eel.


the rest of the teams are a non-issue to me.
 
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mingster

TRIBE Member
the bad: working in a call centre with a billion gino bastards raw raw rawing and freestyling world cup anthems.
 
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Sinister Shadow

TRIBE Member
The good:
I see nothing good about the world cup

The bad:
Living in any area where all the drunks drive around honking their horns and drinking WHILE driving in plain view of the police (this translates to almost anywhere in Toronto)

Now I of course realize that this also applies to hockey fans, baseball fans, heck... sports fans in general. They all tend to get drunk and do stupid shit. Which is generally why I avoid watching/following/caring about any sport.

By all means, cheer on your team. Have a drink. But it's a game folks. Head home after... in a cab. Not in your car... with a 6 pack under the seat and your hand on the horn the whole way.
 

Bumbaclat

TRIBE Member
"I know very little about World Cup soccer but this was hilarious. A treat to read for the sports enthusiast and the indifferent"
 

kuba

TRIBE Member
groovespinna said:
you're retarded.
congratulations, fuckface. you're one of the few here who know the difference between you're and your.
however, you're a moron. go suck nawberry's dick will ya?
 
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kuba

TRIBE Member
poland:

the good-

the girls. i always heard the joke "who are the hottest girls in poland? answer: tourists", but since we ended communism, and since razors have been available, those hairy-bush girls are now creme-de-la-creme of europe.

the bad-

our goalie who starred in the finals last year is off the team. our second best striker, frankowski, is also off the team. why? cuz he gained 10 pounds in qualifying, therefore he's out.

the ugly-

hooligans. although, i do have to say i'm quite proud to know that the polish thugs are considered to be the roughest in all of europe, and the biggest threat to german security. here's hoping they find some wankers from england and some dickheads from germany, and continue to cause havoc like they have in the last little while. revenge is a dish best served cold. but most other civilized people would consider this "the ugly".
 

kuba

TRIBE Member
xin_33060307094020988492.jpg
 

kuba

TRIBE Member
Soccer hooligans plan World Cup fights



LONDON, April 30 (UPI) -- Polish soccer fans are planning to establish a "hooligan league" at this summer's World Cup, The Sunday Times of London reported.

The fans are preparing for fights with fans from rival countries during the five weeks of the tournament in Germany. They are seeking "pre-arranged" fights with traveling English fans because of their reputation as "the best of the worst," the newspaper said.

Violence, often with fascist overtones, has become commonplace in Polish soccer, the newspaper said. In Krakow, eight fans have been stabbed to death in the past 12 months.

Polish hooligans interviewed about their plans boast that they will be able to slip across the border into Germany without being detected. The newspaper said the hooligans talk of night-time raids on the campsites where many of England's 80,000 to 100,000 traveling supporters expect to stay.
 

quantumize

TRIBE Member
this is for jake

poland

the good : Maciej Zurawski and Tomas Frankowski amassed a total of 14 goals in qualifying. The Polish forwards play with cohesion and are not greedy

EDIT : why is frnkowski off the team hes a great striker

the bad : a lackluster defence

the ugly : no polish strippers cheering them on in Germany as they are all working random peelers in and around Canada
 
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Hal-9000

TRIBE Member
I thought I read today that Shrek's good to go for first round.

Plenty of good but the 'bad' is another distatrous showing by Azzuri, and the 'ugly' is all those Porkchops dancing around when Brazil wins.
 

SneakyPete

TRIBE Member
Poland

The Good: Polish women

The Bad: Their goalie allowing the other team's goalie to score from the other team's own half

The Ugly: Polish men. :p
 

zoo

TRIBE Member
i liked this :)

though i would've liked all the teams commented on (ivory coast, serbia + black mountain)
 
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SuperKennyK

TRIBE Member
"the ugly:

sweedish breakfast. liverwurst on rye bread with creamed eel."

Yum. It's true, I have been eating this shit and disgusting everybody with it my entire life.


Funny thread. Go Sweden. The pasty poms are going down.
 

Hamza

TRIBE Member
Poland


The Good:

Please refer to era of productivity during German occupation

The Bad:

Polish history before and after occupation

The ugly:

Poland
 

oeretS

TRIBE Member
kuba said:
congratulations, fuckface. you're one of the few here who know the difference between you're and your.
however, you're a moron. go suck nawberry's dick will ya?

haha

and Cancun during spring break isn't ugly, just misunderstood
 
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