Yes! I'm Petey Wheatstraw,
The Devil's son-in-law.
The High Sheriff of Hell.
I fucked Notroious Fanny and her bull daggin' Mammy, and made a whore outta Lulabelle.
I got a string of whore houses from coast to coast,
And protection for them like an invisible ghost.
I got four opera houses, three restaurants, two bars, and one grille,
Just to serenade the bitch's I'm gonna fucka and drive through the mill.
It was in the early 1960's when I first originated my pimpin' game.
I was callin' whore's jive-ass bitches and pimps sucka-ass lames.
I got magic power, I pulled a helluva trick.
I sandpapered an elephant's ass down to fit my dick.
Now I was ridin' down the street one bright, sunny day,
When I saw a bitch standin' over on the corner lookin' like a lump of sugar 'bout to be melted away.
I said, "Baby who are you waiting for, can it be me?"
She said, "I'm waitin' for my man, Slim, and don't you fuck with me."
Said, "I been out here on these streets all the muthafuckin' night.
And I haven't got Slim's money right.
I said, "Bitch, you can never be a star,
I'm the pimp of the nation! I'm Petey Wheatstraw!"
He said, "You ain't nothin' but a jive-ass bitch and your man is a lame.
I'm the only pimpin' muthafucka, and bitch I'll show you how to play the game."
She said, "Why you half-bad muthafucka, I'm Two-cum Carrie,
I fucked a thousand women's husbands and I ain't never been married..
Petey Wheatstraw, you a damn fool,
Why don't you challenge me to a fuckin' duel.
And just as sure as there's four corners on this muthafuckin' block,
I'm gonna smother yo ass with this good hot cock!"
Now all the pimps, the cocksuckers, and the bull daggers gathered around.
They wanted to see that bad-ass Two-cum Carrie lay Petey Wheatstraw's ass down.
Now ole Annabelle let out a hearty fart,
That was the signal for the fuckin' bout to start.
Petey Wheatstraw pulled out a long bedroom dick from his poked-out pants,
And fell right into Two-cum Carrie's ass.
Two-cum Carrie began to moan, began to groan, began to squeal.
Even fucked all the grass off of the side of the hill.
They fucked in the garden, in the alley, clean to the backyard.
Petey Wheatstraw fucked for three days and his dick was still hard.
They fucked in the parlor, on the porch, clean up on top of the roof.
Petey Wheatstraw said, "You'll be a well-fucked bitch when I turn you a-loose."
Two-cum Carrie said, "Petey Wheatstraw, you done fucked me all over this block."
Said, "Why don't you come on and eat some of this good cock."
Petey Wheatstraw said, "Bitch! You ain't nothin' but a drag."
Said, "Yo pussy's so funky it'll make a maggot gag!"
Petey Wheatstraw said, "Bitch, before I suck yo pussy for you,
Here's some of things you gonna have to do."
Said, "I want you to jump off the Empire State Buildin' in a paper sack,
Look up a camel's ass and scare the hump out of his back.
Then jump off the Eiffel Tower and land on yo muthafuckin' head,
Get up and do the mashed potato and prove to me you ain't dead.
Catch the tail of an astro jet and get off at cloud nine,
Drink a bottle of Milk of Magnesia and some Red Port wine.
Then parachute off the clouds real fast,
Land on the White House yard and shit on the grass.
Take the President's necktie and wipe yo muthafuckin' ass.
I want you to get the Queen of England's golden slippers, not the shoes,
Tune up yo ass in B flat and make it sing the St. Louis blues.
Cause I'll hound and I'll clown and I'll spit in a bitch's face.
Right in the crack of yo ass my foot will find it's place.
And when you die and go to hell you can tell my father-in-law,
That you were signed, sealed, and delivered by Petey Wheatstraw."
Two-cum Carrie said, "The shit done hit the fan.
You're in a world of trouble cause here comes my man."
He said, "I'm Slim, I'm from a creek that they call Battle.
I took my bare hands and jerked the horns off of a whole goddamn herd of cattle!"
Said, "I'll fuck you up without a cause,
I'll even make yo pappy drop his drawers."
Said, "I got a graveyard disposition and a tombstone mind,
I'll fuck up any muthafucka cause I don't mind dyin'.
I'm forty-six inches across my chest.
I don't fear nothin' but the good Lord and Death."
Petey Wheatstraw said, "Why you long, lanky muthafucka!
You ain't nothin but a sucka.
I was born in a barrel of butcher knives.
I been shot in my ass with two Colt 45s.
I been slapped by a bear and bit by an eel,
I chew up railroad iron and shit out steel.
I jumped in the ocean and swallowed a whale,
Handcuffed lightnin' and throwed thunder's ass in jail.
I walked through the graveyard like a bolt of thunder.
Made the tombstones jump and put the dead on the wonder.
When I wanna fuck I go in the lion's den,
Fuck all the he-lion's and dared the she-lions to grin.
I put fear in a gorilla and took the sting from a bee.
You got to be a ignorant, ignorant muthafucka to fuck with me.
Here comes Mabel.
"Well, Petey Wheatstraw you got me in your muthafuckin' stable.
You had me carryin' a sign around sayin' 'Pussy for Sale'.
But now yo bad, pimpin' ass is goin' to jail."
The police picked up Petey Wheatstraw and let him kiss his wife.
Put him in San Quentin for natural life.
The day he went to court to get his time,
He kicked the judge in the ass and blew the DA's mind.
Petey Wheatstraw said, "I want all you low-lifed, ignorant, decrepit, molded, mildewed muthafuckas to listen to what I have to say.
Pussy brought me here, now you see it's ending me away.
But if I live and time come to pass,
I'll be forever keepin' my foot in a bitch's ass.
Cause I'm Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's son-in-law.
The High Sheriff of Hell! "
"You may be Petey Wheatstraw, but get your black ass in this six by six cell."
The Devil's son-in-law.
The High Sheriff of Hell.
I fucked Notroious Fanny and her bull daggin' Mammy, and made a whore outta Lulabelle.
I got a string of whore houses from coast to coast,
And protection for them like an invisible ghost.
I got four opera houses, three restaurants, two bars, and one grille,
Just to serenade the bitch's I'm gonna fucka and drive through the mill.
It was in the early 1960's when I first originated my pimpin' game.
I was callin' whore's jive-ass bitches and pimps sucka-ass lames.
I got magic power, I pulled a helluva trick.
I sandpapered an elephant's ass down to fit my dick.
Now I was ridin' down the street one bright, sunny day,
When I saw a bitch standin' over on the corner lookin' like a lump of sugar 'bout to be melted away.
I said, "Baby who are you waiting for, can it be me?"
She said, "I'm waitin' for my man, Slim, and don't you fuck with me."
Said, "I been out here on these streets all the muthafuckin' night.
And I haven't got Slim's money right.
I said, "Bitch, you can never be a star,
I'm the pimp of the nation! I'm Petey Wheatstraw!"
He said, "You ain't nothin' but a jive-ass bitch and your man is a lame.
I'm the only pimpin' muthafucka, and bitch I'll show you how to play the game."
She said, "Why you half-bad muthafucka, I'm Two-cum Carrie,
I fucked a thousand women's husbands and I ain't never been married..
Petey Wheatstraw, you a damn fool,
Why don't you challenge me to a fuckin' duel.
And just as sure as there's four corners on this muthafuckin' block,
I'm gonna smother yo ass with this good hot cock!"
Now all the pimps, the cocksuckers, and the bull daggers gathered around.
They wanted to see that bad-ass Two-cum Carrie lay Petey Wheatstraw's ass down.
Now ole Annabelle let out a hearty fart,
That was the signal for the fuckin' bout to start.
Petey Wheatstraw pulled out a long bedroom dick from his poked-out pants,
And fell right into Two-cum Carrie's ass.
Two-cum Carrie began to moan, began to groan, began to squeal.
Even fucked all the grass off of the side of the hill.
They fucked in the garden, in the alley, clean to the backyard.
Petey Wheatstraw fucked for three days and his dick was still hard.
They fucked in the parlor, on the porch, clean up on top of the roof.
Petey Wheatstraw said, "You'll be a well-fucked bitch when I turn you a-loose."
Two-cum Carrie said, "Petey Wheatstraw, you done fucked me all over this block."
Said, "Why don't you come on and eat some of this good cock."
Petey Wheatstraw said, "Bitch! You ain't nothin' but a drag."
Said, "Yo pussy's so funky it'll make a maggot gag!"
Petey Wheatstraw said, "Bitch, before I suck yo pussy for you,
Here's some of things you gonna have to do."
Said, "I want you to jump off the Empire State Buildin' in a paper sack,
Look up a camel's ass and scare the hump out of his back.
Then jump off the Eiffel Tower and land on yo muthafuckin' head,
Get up and do the mashed potato and prove to me you ain't dead.
Catch the tail of an astro jet and get off at cloud nine,
Drink a bottle of Milk of Magnesia and some Red Port wine.
Then parachute off the clouds real fast,
Land on the White House yard and shit on the grass.
Take the President's necktie and wipe yo muthafuckin' ass.
I want you to get the Queen of England's golden slippers, not the shoes,
Tune up yo ass in B flat and make it sing the St. Louis blues.
Cause I'll hound and I'll clown and I'll spit in a bitch's face.
Right in the crack of yo ass my foot will find it's place.
And when you die and go to hell you can tell my father-in-law,
That you were signed, sealed, and delivered by Petey Wheatstraw."
Two-cum Carrie said, "The shit done hit the fan.
You're in a world of trouble cause here comes my man."
He said, "I'm Slim, I'm from a creek that they call Battle.
I took my bare hands and jerked the horns off of a whole goddamn herd of cattle!"
Said, "I'll fuck you up without a cause,
I'll even make yo pappy drop his drawers."
Said, "I got a graveyard disposition and a tombstone mind,
I'll fuck up any muthafucka cause I don't mind dyin'.
I'm forty-six inches across my chest.
I don't fear nothin' but the good Lord and Death."
Petey Wheatstraw said, "Why you long, lanky muthafucka!
You ain't nothin but a sucka.
I was born in a barrel of butcher knives.
I been shot in my ass with two Colt 45s.
I been slapped by a bear and bit by an eel,
I chew up railroad iron and shit out steel.
I jumped in the ocean and swallowed a whale,
Handcuffed lightnin' and throwed thunder's ass in jail.
I walked through the graveyard like a bolt of thunder.
Made the tombstones jump and put the dead on the wonder.
When I wanna fuck I go in the lion's den,
Fuck all the he-lion's and dared the she-lions to grin.
I put fear in a gorilla and took the sting from a bee.
You got to be a ignorant, ignorant muthafucka to fuck with me.
Here comes Mabel.
"Well, Petey Wheatstraw you got me in your muthafuckin' stable.
You had me carryin' a sign around sayin' 'Pussy for Sale'.
But now yo bad, pimpin' ass is goin' to jail."
The police picked up Petey Wheatstraw and let him kiss his wife.
Put him in San Quentin for natural life.
The day he went to court to get his time,
He kicked the judge in the ass and blew the DA's mind.
Petey Wheatstraw said, "I want all you low-lifed, ignorant, decrepit, molded, mildewed muthafuckas to listen to what I have to say.
Pussy brought me here, now you see it's ending me away.
But if I live and time come to pass,
I'll be forever keepin' my foot in a bitch's ass.
Cause I'm Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's son-in-law.
The High Sheriff of Hell! "
"You may be Petey Wheatstraw, but get your black ass in this six by six cell."
sigh.
