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dennis miller on the situation in the middle east

bombthreat23

TRIBE Member
A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you really need. Don't thank me. I'm a giver. Here we go:

The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that: There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for two thousand years. Palestinian sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in war, Gaza was owned by Egypt, and there were no Palestinian then, and the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no Palestinians; then. As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the Palestinians, weeping for their deep bond with their lost land and nation.

So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word Palestinian any more to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are other Arabs who can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death.

I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then: Adjacent Jew-Haters.; Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living. That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel.

They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course -- that's where the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel. Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or The Zionist Entity; as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on G-d's Earth, and if you've ever been around G-d's Earth, you know that's really saying something.

It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mideast. Unless I'm missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five million Jews.

Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals. Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.

My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not. Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children?

Disgusting. No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.

Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of supermodels who've just had their drugs taken away.

However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11 our president told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.

If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan. (Hey, wait a minute, that's actually not such a bad idea . . .ooh, that is, what a horrible thought, yeah, horrible.)
 
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fishbulb

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Littlest Hobo
Larry Miller? The Seinfield guy?

that's larry david

this is larry miller
miller.jpg
 
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fishbulb

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by bombthreat23
no that is NOT larry miller, this is Larry Miller
lxmiller1.jpg

OH MY FUCKING GOD

THEN I SLEPT WITH THAT GUY FOR NOTHING!?!?!??!

I WANTED TO BE IN WAITING FOR GUFFMAN : STILL WAITING

FUUCUUCUUCLKKKK!KKK!K!KK!K!K!K!
 

Subsonic Chronic

TRIBE Member
It's a pretty shitty piece of work full of generalizations about entire peoples and blatant anti-arab racism.

I could poke holes through all of his "arguments" (even that's giving them more credit than they're worth) but this exact thread has already come up before and I don't feel like wasting my time.

The last time it was posted was also under the belief that it was Dennis Miller who wrote that piece of garbage.
 

bombthreat23

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Subsonic Chronic
It's a pretty shitty piece of work full of generalizations about entire peoples and blatant anti-arab racism.

I could poke holes through all of his "arguments" (even that's giving them more credit than they're worth) but this exact thread has already come up before and I don't feel like wasting my time.

The last time it was posted was also under the belief that it was Dennis Miller who wrote that piece of garbage.

matter of opinion my friend...he seems dead on to me.
g.
 
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kerouacdude

TRIBE Member
well, just so something in the thread is semi-accurate to the title: Dennis Miller's "political" show premieres tonite at 9 on CNBC.
 

stryker

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by Subsonic Chronic
It's a pretty shitty piece of work full of generalizations about entire peoples and blatant anti-arab racism.

I could poke holes through all of his "arguments" (even that's giving them more credit than they're worth) but this exact thread has already come up before and I don't feel like wasting my time.

The last time it was posted was also under the belief that it was Dennis Miller who wrote that piece of garbage.
Although he does go a bit overboard with some of the generalizations if you look at the meat of what he's saying its pretty much on the ball.
He's not just an entertainer, he writes a poltical column for some newspaper, but I can't remember which one(s)?
Stew
 

Hal-9000

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by stryker

He's not just an entertainer, he writes a poltical column for some newspaper, but I can't remember which one(s)?

The Weekly Standard. That's where the piece was published.
 
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Hi i'm God

TRIBE Member
the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.

after all, that can't be much harder than stabilizing a roomful of supermodels who've just had their drugs taken away.
Sounds like Dennis Miller.
 

Klubmasta Will

TRIBE Member
DENNIS vs. LARRY vs. DAVID

while the original rant is attributed to LARRY MILLER, DENNIS MILLER does a similar bit in a stand-up routine.

he says: There's no such thing as "Palestinian". It's a made up word. ... Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really a modern invention. (etc. etc. etc ...)

search "miller palestinian made up word" on any search engine and you will find that those two millers share the same joke-writers.
 

AVE

TRIBE Member
Originally posted by bombthreat23

If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan. (Hey, wait a minute, that's actually not such a bad idea . . .ooh, that is, what a horrible thought, yeah, horrible.)

isn't racism great?
 
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