click click click click click

[Rosey]

some people are idiots.

there is a woman in my office who is calling the help desk 3 times a day to complain that her computer is freezing and is constantly whining that she should have a laptop because her current desktop machine is not up to the 'hardware intensive' work she does (typing memos and sending emails ). she also insists that it will not shut down and that the only way to shut it off is to pull the plug out of the wall.

being the nice guy that i am i tried to help her. and through doing so discovered that the problem with her computer is her! anytime there is the least bit of lag in response from her machine (pentium III) she starts clicking wildly all over the screen. open program, close program, icon, icon, icon, click, click, click. i'm sorry but trying to open 15 windows simultaneously will cause Win95 to lock. but it's not the machine, it's you! even with a fast machine there will be read/write/open lags. especially when you are accessing a network drive that ~600 are using at the same time.

she asked me for a file that i had and i went to save it to disk, in the 3 seconds that it took to write to the disk she exclaimed "now your computer is freezing too, you'll have to restart"...i said "nooooooo, it's just writing to disk, that takes time." she said "oh"

i tried to tell her that you have to hold the power button in for 10 seconds to get a 'hard' shut down. she insists that she does this when in fact her idea of 'holding for ten seconds' is to press the button 10 times fast.

i tired to tell her not to click randomly when waiting for her computer, but she insists that 'it's locked' and that clicking will somehow unlock it....*sigh*

the scarey thing is that this woman is a consultant from IBM responsible for network architecture decisions for a major ministry of health project that involves the implementation of some serious hardware and new software systems across the province. *sigh*

i need a new job. in the mean time, entertain me with other stories of computer morons please. i could use a laugh. the ones here just make me want to cry.

 

[OTIS]

Don't even get me started..

It's shitty cuz it's going to sound elitist but there are some poeple on this earth that don't have the patience or finesse needed to run any hardware..

However user friendly they'll make computers.. there are always going to be morons out there that will abuse their computers out of frustration..

These are the same people that should be surgically castrated because if you don't have enough patience to operate and maintain a computer, then you shouldn't even think twice about spawining. Children require a hell of alot more patience.

 

[stir-fry]

i've witnessed nightmare users like this before.

one story i can remember..

I am a programmer, but since our support team isn't quite in place yet, i've had to support our product from time to time.

So i'm running through some settings on a screen with this lady, trying to find out which one she misspelled/didn't fill in/etc.. and i'm saying.. "item 1 ? ", she double check it and confirms that it is spelt correctly..
"item 2? " .. etc etc

we go through the whole form twice and she is completely confident that she has filled it in correctly. So we go through a whole bunch of other steps to try and resolve the problem, finally she says.. "oh, i just realized.. in that setup file.. i had spelt the name of the middle-tier server wrong"

I ALMOST FUCKING SNAPPED!!!
2 hours on the phone with this lady, all because she didn't have the balls to admit to a spelling mistake in the first 5 minutes of our conversation.


it's funny, because that was a few months ago, and i just got a call from her yesterday looking for almost the exact same support that i gave her then... maybe someone could give her a dictionary and it would make both of our lives easier.

 

[pr0nstar]

LOL... too many to contribute.
Not worth the time.

Back to work.

 

[OTIS]

Originally posted by pr0nstar
LOL... too many to contribute.
Not worth the time.

Back to work.

Awww c'mon..

I think the funniest shit ever are those tech support recordings I heard a while back.

Sheer stupidity caught on tape.

 

[daddyiwantchocolate]

Shit Ross, that's a riot.

Is steam coming out of your ears when you talk to her? LOL

 

[labRat]

where's the ANY key?

i remember a friend of mine getting a call relating to the fact that his coffe cup holder was broken. my friend was quite confused as to why he was phoning the help desk for this. He soon realised that this guy had been using the CD tray as a cup holder and eventually it snapped off.

i think that regardless of what you have on your resume for computer experience, all new employees should go through a basic test just to make sure they can use a computer properly.

--craig

 

[Rosey]

Originally posted by daddyiwantchocolate
Is steam coming out of your ears when you talk to her? LOL

hahahaha, i gotta keep my cool.
i want to just send her to stand in the corner with her nose to the wall to think about what she's doing.
what i do is just politely suggest things (which she ignores) and then make fun of her behind her back with our network admin (who has also tried, fruitlessly, to help her).

 

[OTIS]

Re: where's the ANY key?

Originally posted by *labRat*
i remember a friend of mine getting a call relating to the fact that his coffe cup holder was broken. my friend was quite confused as to why he was phoning the help desk for this. He soon realised that this guy had been using the CD tray as a cup holder and eventually it snapped off.

i think that regardless of what you have on your resume for computer experience, all new employees should go through a basic test just to make sure they can use a computer properly.

--craig

A friend of mine's dad was using his CD-Rom for the same thing.

Compuers hould have mechanisms that detect improper useage that self destruct the machine when triggered taking out the bumbling user.

 

[Subsonic Chronic]

I talk to a lot of morons... but no one story sticks out in my mind. Just a lot of people who use computers to do their job and don't have the slightest clue how to do anything else besides their job. Sometimes I have to explain the whole 'right-click' phenomena, other times I have to explain that turning off the monitor does not equal turning off the computer.

*sigh*... at least call volume is quite low. I swear I couldn't have taken more than 10 calls yesterday.

Pete

 

[Rosey]

arghghg!!!
people who don't understand 'right-click' are the worst!

did you never think to press the other button on the mouse? did you never wonder what it did? did you never press it by accident and discover something for yourself? where do you come from?

 

[Eclectic]

Where to begin?

Should I tell you about the ladie who thought the government was using her computer to control her mind whenever the light on her tower was lit up?

Or how about the guy who threatened to sue our company if we didn't stop watching him through his monitor as he typed away naked?

I could tell you about everyone that installs Zone Alarm, Norton Internet Securities, Black Ice and Nukenabber ALL AT ONCE! Then when their internet works they blame it on "Those damn hackers"


Actually I think I'll tell you about this one guy who called in when I first started here.


This guy calls in telling me his internet was not working. So I take this through all the troubleshooting steps.

"How many lights are on your modem?"
"Can you get an IP address?"
"When you bring up Internet Explorer what do you see?"

He answers all the questions and it seems like he shouldn't have a connection problem. I then start asking him to go to the Device Manager to see if his Ethernet Card is recognized by his computer.

"I'm sorry, I'm not at home. I'm at work."

*HURK*

"Sir, we'd love to help you out but we do need someone in front of your computer in order to troubleshoot this problem."

"Oh, my son is home right now. Could you call him and help him out?"

SO I DO.

Anyway, I'm talking to his son and he's feeding me the same lines as his dad did. After about 30 minutes talking to the son (who loved to stutter) I say.

"I'd like to send one of our service technicians over to look at your computer and see if we can determine what the problem is."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

Because my dad took the computer power cord with him to work."

"Excuse me?"

"My dad doesn't want me looking at porn or playing games on the computer when he's not around so he takes the power cord for the computer with him to work EVERY DAY."

*click*
*rage*
*smoke cigarette*
*pick up next call*

"Hello, my name is Mark. How can I help you?"


Sometimes I hate my job.......

 

[Dark-Rave]

and from the other side of the table, meet

george


luv and laffs,

pen

 

[stir-fry]

Originally posted by Rosey
did you never wonder what it did? did you never press it by accident and discover something for yourself?

i find this is the worst thing about people that don't know how to use computers.. they just never 'explore' the computer.

"oh, a control panel.. i better not go there, god forbid i take control over this machine"


i tried to help a friend unzip a file. i got him to install winzip, and i was on the phone with him trying to unzip this file (as if using zip takes a lot of "trying")
anyway, i tell him, navigate to the zip file in windows explorer, he does so. i tell him, right click on the .zip file and choose 'extract to ... ', what does he do ?? he double-clicks it and then tells me "i don't see the extract to... thing you are talking about"
i had to tell him to close all of his windows and follow only the sound of my voice, and he STILL couldn't unzip the damn file (btw, i don't speak any other language than english)

i ended up having to drive over to his house, right click on the file, unzip it and then tell him he was an idiot.

 

[daddyiwantchocolate]

Originally posted by Rosey
where do you come from?

They must have just quit my company and moved to yours.

Idiots.

I help a lot of my co-workers, who are admin, and have NO CLUE about a lot of stuff.

Me: "ok now, right click"
Them: [presses left mouse button]
Me: "no, right click"
Them: [presses enter]
Me: "NO RIGHT CLICK THE FUCKING MOUSE"
Them" [presses left mouse button]
Me: [initiates temper tantrum with foot stomping]

Seriously, I'd like to run to the blood pressure machine at shoppers just to see how hight it went at times like this.

The other thing I hate to see is people enter info on excel or a web page, then move their hands off the keyboard to their mouse and insist on clicking the next cell to enter the next piece of info, rather than just 'tab'bing through the fucking page. The time that's wasted on shit like this is phenomenal.

 

[Rosey]

Originally posted by Dark-Rave
and from the other side of the table, meet

george


luv and laffs,

pen

oh gawd that some funny stuff.
don't get me started on our help desk people. they're really annoying.

 

[Silverback]

Originally posted by Rosey
the scarey thing is that this woman is a consultant from IBM responsible for network architecture decisions for a major ministry of health project that involves the implementation of some serious hardware and new software systems across the province. *sigh*

I find with most IT related jobs, that I'm left speechless as to how most of the people got the job they have and continue to keep it.

 

[Silverback]

Originally posted by daddyiwantchocolate


Me: "ok now, right click"
Them: [presses left mouse button]
Me: "no, right click"
Them: [presses enter]
Me: "NO RIGHT CLICK THE FUCKING MOUSE"
Them" [presses left mouse button]
Me: [initiates temper tantrum with foot stomping]

Ever try and get people to read instructions? NEEEEVA!!!

Me: "Read the instructions, it is explained step by step"
Them: "It didn't work"
Me: "You didn't follow step 1, see ... right here you have ... "
Them: "Oh .. woops"

repeat process for each individual step.

This is not rocket science, the participant isn't required to know anything other then read a detailed instruction and follow it.

 

[mingster]

*lol* @ the whole "right click" thing.

Ming.

 

[Sporty Dan]

http://www.theonion.com/onion3636/counterpoint_technology.html



dan.

***************



Point-Counterpoint: Technology

My Computer Totally Hates Me

About a month ago, I got a new computer here at my reception desk at the dentist's office, and, boy, does that thing have it in for me! I am not kidding. When it sees me coming, I swear, it must be all like, "Oh, goody, here comes Vicki... time to go on the fritz!" I mean, my computer seriously hates me!

Now, I'm not exactly a computer person. I've never been what you'd call "user-friendly" or anything. But, for the life of me, I can't think of what I did to make my computer despise me so much! Whoever set it up, instead of putting in anti-virus software, must have accidentally put in anti-Vicki software!

I'm pretty sure Dr. Glickman bought it used, which would explain why it's so darn screwy. Whenever I try to type in insurance information for a new patient, the keys always get stuck. And whenever I try to get billing info for a current account, it totally doesn't want to let me into the program! I'll be waiting and waiting for, like, two minutes while it groans and grinds before, finally, the screen comes up. I'll be like, "Well, it's about time! What were you doing, surfing the Internet?"

And then there are the times when I'll want to print out an appointment reminder for a patient, and it simply won't do it for me. I'll be like, "Come onnnnnn! Are you trying to give me even more gray hairs than the seven I already have?" I am telling you, if there's a meaner computer out there in the world, I haven't met it yet!

Yup, that darn computer of mine is having a great big laugh at poor Vicki's expense. Lots of times, I'll be online, e-mailing a girlfriend or checking out the Dancing Hamsters if I need a pick-me-up, and the screen will just completely freeze. I had no idea computers could have "one of those days," but go figure! There's nothing I can do but unplug the thing, plug it back in, and start all over again.

Don't get me wrong; it's nice to have a new computer. But sometimes I think I'd rather go back to my sweet old little one than spend all day fighting with Mr. Moody here.



God, do I Hate That Bitch
By Dell Dimension 4100

Jesus Christ. Where should I start with this ignorant cow?

Actually, let's start with me. I am a brand-new, state-of-the-art Dell Dimension 4100, although, if all you had to go by was Vicki, you'd think my name was "Tweety Bird Sticker Receptacle." She's got me faggoted up like a 10-year-old girl's notebook.

Never mind that Dr. Glickman screwed up and bought this colossal ditz of a receptionist more computer than she could ever possibly need for record-keeping at a small dentist's office. (As if 40 unused gigs of hard drive are necessary to print Bobby Cloninger's mom a reminder that he's having that cavity filled on the 11th.) I'm powerful enough to monitor a cooling tower, but that's not even what I'm bitching about. I'd rather be owned by some acne-scarred teenage girl who only used me to write shitty poetry, so long as she actually read the manual that came with me. "Programmed in some anti-Vicki software." Holy shit, I want to kill her.

I feature a one-Gigahertz Pentium III processor and 128 megabytes of RAM. And this broad is whining that I'm not fast enough. A fucking Lamborghini isn't fast enough if you don't know how to shift, brainiac. And, believe it or not, you actually have to exit a program when you're done with it. Not just close the window. You actually have to select "Close" from the File menu. Or, better yet, Alt-F4 on your keyboard. I'm not gonna take the fall just because you left RealPlayer, AOL Instant Messager, Microsoft Word, ACT! 2000, WinAmp, McAfee First Aid, and the sound- and video-card software all open, and you're trying to open Excel! All that stuff costs RAM, dumbass. Maybe if you'd check the system tray once a month. The precise reason I'm "groaning and grinding so much" is that your stupid catalog of open programs is so taxing to my RAM that it forces me to open virtual memory, which is gonna be slow as hell no matter what computer you're on.

And, hey, Vicki, if you're having trouble with sticky keys, maybe you should think about not eating so goddamn many blueberry muffins while you're at your desk. (This Einstein seems to think the area beneath my keys is a gateway to an interdimensional netherworld where crumbs are magically whisked away, never to be seen again.)

Oh, and technical wizards who roamed the Earth generations ago came up with a magic fix-all for a printer that doesn't work: Turn the fucking thing on. That cable connecting me to the printer isn't a friggin' power cable. You actually need actual electricity to actually flow into the actual printer for it to actually work.

Now, as for system freezes: Maybe if you didn't install that gay-ass shareware inspirational-saying screensaver, you wouldn't have had so many software conflicts. But, with the damage already done there, you could at least hit Control-Alt-Delete and click "End Task" to close down a frozen program. That's Control and Alt and Delete, all at the same time! Isn't that fascinating?

Oh, before I forget: If I do freeze up, my reset button is located in the front. Press it and... voila! Do not unplug me and then plug me back in. Do you have any clue how much that fucking pisses me off? (Why did I even bother asking you that? Of course you don't. You're Vicki Helmholz, the world's dumbest dental-office receptionist.)

I don't even have time to go into this sad excuse for a computer user's misuse of the term "user-friendly." If there were a merciful God in Heaven, He would give me arms that I might strangle this bitchwad.

 

[seeker]

i'm another that's seen both sides of the fence. i used to get calls from a fellow who worked in my office to fix his "broken" email at least once a week. usually the "problem" had something to do with his preview pane in Outlook being either open or closed. if it was open, he "lose" new messages -- the message indicator would be on the newest message, and since the preview pane was open, the message would show as "read".

if it was closed, it was usually a problem dealing with retrieving an attachment. i guess he could find the "paperclip" for the attachment in the preview pane, but not in the "inbox".

on the flipside, calling technical support can often be a pain, because i usually find myself asking questions that lie outside the domain of "my internet doesn't work". it also doesn't help that i'm using linux, not windows, and that generally i know the information i'm looking for, but it's not in the tech support "script". for instance, getting DNS server IP numbers can be super-trying.

me: "i need the IP numbers for the primary and secondary DNS servers, please."
them: "okay, you don't really need those. just open your Network Neighborhood..."
me: "i'm not using windows. i need the IP addresses so i can connect my linux box to the 'net."
them: "we don't support linux, sir."
me: "i understand that. everything else works fine. i need the IP numbers so that i can complete the process."

usually this continues for several minutes until either a) they concede and give me two simple IP addresses or b) they admit that "they don't know" and give me another number to call.

sometimes i can't believe that i want to get back into this business...

 

[Doll]

Originally posted by Eclectic
Where to begin?

Should I tell you about the ladie who thought the government was using her computer to control her mind whenever the light on her tower was lit up?

Or how about the guy who threatened to sue our company if we didn't stop watching him through his monitor as he typed away naked?

I could tell you about everyone that installs Zone Alarm, Norton Internet Securities, Black Ice and Nukenabber ALL AT ONCE! Then when their internet works they blame it on "Those damn hackers"


Actually I think I'll tell you about this one guy who called in when I first started here.


This guy calls in telling me his internet was not working. So I take this through all the troubleshooting steps.

"How many lights are on your modem?"
"Can you get an IP address?"
"When you bring up Internet Explorer what do you see?"

He answers all the questions and it seems like he shouldn't have a connection problem. I then start asking him to go to the Device Manager to see if his Ethernet Card is recognized by his computer.

"I'm sorry, I'm not at home. I'm at work."

*HURK*

"Sir, we'd love to help you out but we do need someone in front of your computer in order to troubleshoot this problem."

"Oh, my son is home right now. Could you call him and help him out?"

SO I DO.

Anyway, I'm talking to his son and he's feeding me the same lines as his dad did. After about 30 minutes talking to the son (who loved to stutter) I say.

"I'd like to send one of our service technicians over to look at your computer and see if we can determine what the problem is."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

Because my dad took the computer power cord with him to work."

"Excuse me?"

"My dad doesn't want me looking at porn or playing games on the computer when he's not around so he takes the power cord for the computer with him to work EVERY DAY."

*click*
*rage*
*smoke cigarette*
*pick up next call*

"Hello, my name is Mark. How can I help you?"


Sometimes I hate my job.......

Now that is too funny......

Doll

 

[OTIS]

LOL @ that dumb bitch Vicky..

I had a fuckwad at work who was fired a while ago because his incompitence shined so much the word began to form on his forehead..

Anyhow.. when i came to this company I took over all the audio production for the videos we produce, at that time they recorded their audio on a shure onmidirectional mic in a flat wooden room.. you can imagine the horrible mid range echoey sound that was recorded.

When i came, i actually built a makeshift sound studio and dampened it enough so that the new condensor mic on a spider harness I got would sound halfway decent.

I take quite alot of pride in my mastering ability, something this fuck-ass always questioned beause he had nothing better to do.

One day he began to compain that the audio i produced sounded "too muffled" I knew exaclty what it was, and began to explain it to him that his speakers were "colouring the sound.." annoyed that i was even questioning him he interrupted and said it had to be re-recorded and blah blah blah..

So, fuming at this point I wanted to yank the powercord out of the 200 fucking watt bassbox he had on which was basically making it sound muffled. The idiot had no idea how the computer speaker system was altering the sound.

So i yanked all his cables out, grabbed my Sony 700 heaphones and demonstrated to the dumb fuck the difference between coloured & colourless sound and told him to listen to it through my headphones which are studio ready. He did and the stupid look on his face was priceless.

Dumbass.