You know what I want to see?
A thread started by you intitled "my reality".
It should probably start off with an apology for all the attention whoring spam.
After that I would suggest a number of body paragraphs that let us in on the real you; they should cover how you put up a front to keep the pain of reality away, the secret hurts that lie in your past, and your fellings of the world today.
Then I would suggest you apologize once agiain and ask the community to extend you an olive branch and allow you to try and start fresh. . as the real you. Hurt, broken, over the denial and on the mend.
That is a tread I would be greatly intersted in.
I don't know you though, I could be way off base.. but if I am right, or anywhere near close please do consider what I have said.
As of now you have my compassion. It's an easy thing to loose so please don't tamper with it. . I am just trying to help.