1. Hi Guest: Welcome to TRIBE, Toronto's largest and longest running online community. If you'd like to post here, or reply to existing posts on TRIBE, you first have to register on the forum. You can register with your facebook ID or with an email address. Join us!


Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by Magnolia Fan, Jan 13, 2002.

  1. Magnolia Fan

    Magnolia Fan TRIBE Member

    A long time ago I had this girlfriend that cheated on me. We'd been dating for almost a year til one day I sorta walked in on it, and it kinda broke my heart. I told her to go fuck herself and left it at that. A week later she came to me sobbing and telling me how much I meant to her and how sorry she was... shit like that. So I gave it another chance. Within a week or two we both realized shit couldn't go back to how it was before, and we split.

    Anyways... the point of all that... was that to this day I can't find an explanation for it that seems acceptible. For a while a thought that it was cuz she didnt' care at all about me. But she came back, and she didn't need to. So I dunno if thats it. For a while I thought it was cuz she was on drugz or something, but I've done drugs many many times and never had the urge to fuck around with other people. I've come up with a few other things too. But nothing ever seems to feel right, so now when I think of relationships, I always think back to that, and it scares me. If I don't know what caused it, I don't know how to prevent it from happening again, or better yet, avoid being with people with whom there is that possibility.

    I'm sure theres at least one person here thats cheated. And on the other side, I'm sure theres at least one person here who's been cheated on. So I'm wondering if maybe they can give me their perspective on why they would do it, or why it happened to them? I'd really like to know the mentality behind it, so I can move on from it.
  2. DJAlchemy

    DJAlchemy TRIBE Promoter

    cheating has only selfish implications. Nothing good can come to the person cheated on or cheated with. The funny thing is that most people who cheat don't believe they're doing anything wrong. I spit on cheaters! hawk-tooey!

    Peace & love. D
  3. zoo

    zoo TRIBE Member

    i've only ever been one in serious relationship, and i'm still in it [almost 1.5 years now ..]

    anyway, i get nightmares of her cheating on me once inawhile

    and they make me so sad .. mad .. ugh

    i dunno if i can describe it.

    it sucks. it's the worst feeling.
    if it ever happened to me in real life, i'd lose it.

    i don't know what i'd do ..
    but it would be very, very bad.

    in my mind at the moment, cheaters don't deserve second chaces

    if put in the sitution, i don'w know how i'd react though

    touchy subject

    makes me depressed just thinking about it.
  4. DJAlchemy

    DJAlchemy TRIBE Promoter

    dood man, when ur in a relationship with someone you care about you can't think about that stuff, you'll make yourself crazy. *if* somethng should happen deal with it then, don't play out the scenario in your head a million times before hand.

    Peace & love. D
  5. Mr_Furious

    Mr_Furious TRIBE Member

    first things first, you have to remember that it wasn't your fault, and not to take it as a direct hit. I've never cheated, but i've been cheated on many times. Just because she cheated on you, it doesn't mean the guy she cheated with is a better version of you, it just means at that specific moment, in that specific time, many factors may have contibuted to her cheating on you.

    I think ultimately dating is just a process of looking for the bigger and better thing. I don't really know what else to tell you, but I can tell you this. My ex cheated on me over a year and a half ago and im still trying to come to terms with it, and *knowledge of self is the only true means to the liberation of man*. In order to truly be liberated you have to really know yourself.
  6. zoo

    zoo TRIBE Member

    it does make me crazy

    i have played it out in my head

    it honestly makes me depressed

    i don't know how to fix it though

    and i do try not to think about it.

    i usually only ever go through this kind of stuff when i haven't seen her for a few days


    school helps to take my mind off of it though

    gooo thermodynamics
  7. Cheer Bear

    Cheer Bear TRIBE Member

    my ex cheated on me

    he ws mad at me

    he's a whore

    it wasn't my fault

    i move on. [​IMG]
  8. BreakzBroad

    BreakzBroad TRIBE Member

    people cheat becuz their horny. Honestly, I can name off way more ppl. who are sex obsessed, than those who aren't. face it, ppl. love sex, and if they want it, at that time when their signiicant other is not aorund, some will do it regardless. some ppl. don't have the willpower to say no.

    That's my perspective. And u can never say, I'd never cheat on anybody. That's an impossible statement, becuz u can't speak for what will happen in the future. U may find urself caught in a difficult situation and not know how to handle it. Just take life one day at a time, and see what happens. Everything happens fora reason.


  9. mingster

    mingster TRIBE Member

    If I was you, I'd leave it alone. Don't try to understand why someone chated on you. That's a dark and dirty road to go down. It can hurt alot, keep you from sleeping and ultimatly, you won't come up with any conclusions that make you feel better.

    It's just one of those things in life, that you might have to accept, without understanding it. I've been through this. I know it hurts. I know it can be confusing and it mess up all your feelings. But it's not you dude, it's her.

    If you're worried about future relationships, don't. All you need to know is if you treat your mates with respect, and you do the best you can with them, in the end, you're the good guy, and IMO the good guy always wins.

  10. Mr_Furious

    Mr_Furious TRIBE Member

    i'd never cheat on anybody, and anyone that knows me knows that this statement is true.
  11. Magnolia Fan

    Magnolia Fan TRIBE Member

    a) my ex g/f wasn't mad at me, we hadn't fought or anything, I hadn't done anything like that to her, so it wasn't revenge.

    b) I can say I would never cheat on someone, and can say it confidently. I think anyone who's been crushed by someone cheating on them knows how impactful it really is, and if only for that are less likely to cheat. Plus, I really don't think its that hard for me to think about the situation. I find a girl that I like alot. I date her. I see someone else I don't do anything cuz I have a girl already. If I felt such a strong need to be with the new girl, I'd break up with the old one. It makes sense to me.

    c) after I was cheated on, I found another girl and we dated for a while. It was really fucked up, because I couldn't shake the fear of her cheating. So I either had to crowd her and she didn't like that, nor did I, so I put space between us, and then it ate me up inside. If that makes sense...

    d) Theres a huge possibility that it was just about sex to her, but the thing I don't get is that we'd been dating for quite some time, and she never told me she wasn't happy. Like it'd been almost a year, seems really fucked up to just up and cheat one night.
  12. Magnolia Fan

    Magnolia Fan TRIBE Member

    Oh, and this all went down a long time ago. I'm not hurt about it or anything, I got over the crushed feelings a while back... I'm just curious at this point...


    there is no excuse for cheating on someone. i would never do it-it's incredibly selfish, uncaring, and just plain low. if you are considering breaking up with your BF/GF. or are unhappy in your relationship...atleast have the decency to tell them, and end things, instead of stooping as low as to cheat on them with someone else. for me, all levels of trust are instantly gone when someone cheats, and it will always leave a bad impression on me. as far as im concerned..there is no excuse for it, and i have no respect for people who do it.
  14. noahmintz

    noahmintz TRIBE Member

    I cheated on a couple of my girlfriend's ... but those days are long gone
    I've also been cheated on many times ... hell one of my ex's fucked my best friend while I was passed out on the floor beside the bed they were going at it in
    I honestly don't know why I cheated on past girlfriend's ... I know the thought never even enters my mind anymore ... I guess most of it had to do with the fact that I was a horny high school kid and a lot of kids screw around lot in high school
    I do know my girlfriend cheated on me because she was a whore ... and she had really low self-esteem ... and I guess having sex with a lot of guys made her feel good
    I read somewhere that a lot of teenagers with low self-esteem try to use sex to feel wanted

  15. Mr_Furious

    Mr_Furious TRIBE Member

    you have to remember..dont ever let anyone or anything compromise you as a person. You have your dignity, your pride, and your self-respect. Nobody can take that away from you unless you let them.
    Be true to yourself.
    People cheat for all kinds of reasons, sometimes they themselves are unclear of the reasons or motivations. You can only speculat to a certain degree and the from there everything else becomes theoretical. People are people, we do what we do. Trust your instincts, insecurities rarely stem from nothing.
  16. kul-kat

    kul-kat TRIBE Member

    i wouldn't say this is my absolute theory on cheating because i've neither cheated nor been cheated on, but i have known some people who were 'cheaters', and it almost seems as though it's a personality trait. there's even an adjective in chinese to describe such people ... something about they notice ALL the pretty flowers ... meaning, besides being happy with their own 'flower', other interesting 'flowers' get noticed as well. now, i know everyone notices a good looking guy/girl, but it's on a deeper level ... they start wondering what it would be like to be with them, etc.

    overall, once a cheater always a cheater. although, some learn to control their curiosity, i personally, wouldn't want to be with one. i wouldn't want someone who had to fight off desire for another person while they were with me. but again, i've never really experienced it first hand, so my opinion may be different otherwise.
  17. kul-kat

    kul-kat TRIBE Member

    there is a lot of that too. but my post refers to people in serious relationships who do care about their partner, but end up cheating on them repeatedly.
  18. Magnolia Fan

    Magnolia Fan TRIBE Member

    "When I'm not near the one I love, I love the one I'm near."
    E.Y. Harburg
  19. Magnolia Fan

    Magnolia Fan TRIBE Member

    "When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnoraml, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."
    -G.B. Shaw
  20. pr0nstar

    pr0nstar TRIBE Member

    I've been cheated on and I've cheated on someone...

    I would never do it again, I only hurt myself and others involved in the actions.

    I think you cheat usually because you're not 100% sure of what you have waiting at home so to say...

    But I now live by... "You don't go out for burgers, if you have steak at home."

    pr0nstar Never Ever Would Cheat again...
  21. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    im not a cheating skank

    but im the hussy who helps the cheating skank cheat apparently.

    ooops :s

  22. PosTMOd

    PosTMOd Well-Known TRIBEr

    It's hard for me to comprehend why anyone would do something so intimate as have sex with someone else when they are in a relationship with someone who, really, is the most important thing in their life.

    And if they are not the most important thing in their life, then what the hell are you doing having that sort of relationship? Pointless exercise in futility, but easier for many people I suppose than actually communicating.

    Hell, I'll admit to fantasies, and flirting, and whatever, but to actually physically go through with my thoughts is not just a different ballpark, it's a different league. A different sport even. Thoughts can't be (or rather shouldn't be) controlled and censored, but physical actions can (and should be) controlled.
  23. Chiclet

    Chiclet TRIBE Promoter

    I think there are MANY different reasons why people cheat on others. It's not just about horniness. Sometimes it can be about risk-taking, lack of respect for your partner, vengeance, jealousy, power, low self-esteem, etc...

    Just like rape is often more about power and oppressing someone rather than just plain horniness.
  24. Rosey

    Rosey TRIBE Member

    i think people who cheat have low self esteem or are out to hurt their S/O.

    low self esteem cheaters secretly believe that they do not deserve the good relationship they are in so they act like fucking idiots and screw things up to fulfill their low self esteem fueled delusions. or they do it just to get more attention because the drama feeds their weak nature. it's attention whoring in the real world.

    people who are out to hurt are either pyschopathic or they have been hurt themselves and are too childish to deal with it in a mature fashion.

    or, a cowardly person would cheat to end a relationship because they don't have the backbone to come forward and say what needs to be said to end things in a mature fashion.

    all that said, if my girl ever cheated on me i would be destroyed. because i would take it as her saying that i'm not good enough for her. i tend to take somethings very personally.
  25. OTIS

    OTIS TRIBE Member

    WERD TO YOU!!!

    I'm sorry but this is utter shit..
    you're probably an example of the above.

    I can definitely say I DO KNOW, because it's called self-control. People who cheat are weak, and need constant self validation to make up for their lacking security, either that or they are just assholes.

    Point is, cheating on people is like cheating with food, if you're on a diet, you don't walk into a burger king looking for something healthy to eat.. you just know that.. and the same goes for relationships.. when you are in one, you have the power to keep yourself out of situations of tempataion.. it's called commitment, and if you can't hack it, then you have no business being in a relationship.



Share This Page