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Cash or a Gift? The Ultimate Question

agentRC4

TRIBE Member
I think the gift is great. I never give cash at a wedding unless specified by the bride and groom in the invite (wishing well wedding).

This newly wed couple need to have their priorities in check. First world problems I guess?

Wedding gift spat spirals out of control after bride demands to see receipt | Toronto Star

Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”

Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.

“I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”
 
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Blysspluss

TRIBE Member
Yep.. C-word.

I don't know if the C-word has heard of it, but registering for gifts and then pointing people to your registry gets you the items you want...so that people don't have to be so crass as to give you cash. (I'm not a fan of cash-giving)...or a gift that you didn't want.

If you're gonna be bitchy about spending on food for guests, serve less...or none at all.

Not first world problems...entitlement problems, and manner issues.

Like the article says, It's a celebration, bitches!
 

awwnaw

TRIBE Member
Bride is a an asshole. Did she invite you to the party (it's what it is) because you're special to her and they wanted to celebrate with you or to make money off her guests.

That said, always cash. $200 minimum IMO. The gesture is to start the couple off so as newlyweds financial worries are eased a bit (at least for the cost of the celebration) and they can focus on their marriage. You're meant to cover off the cost of your attendance and then a 'gift'. Salsas unfortunately don't cut it. Thoughtful of course, but they'd prob have appreciated the value in $ more.
 

Blysspluss

TRIBE Member
I don't get that. Why am I giving you money to come to celebrate with you?

Whenever I throw a party for any other reason, I don't expect guests to cover my costs of feeding them and providing booze...how is a wedding celebration any different?
 

stryker

TRIBE Member
This chick is crazy..I can't believe she actually replied.

But I'm not sure which person is more classless

...who the hell gives a gift at a wedding that isn't on the registry, and of maynards candies no less. Not surprised this happened in Hamilton...lol Put money in an envelope. They have to pay for the food and booze.

stew
 
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Persephone

TRIBE Member
Weddings are not cash-making ventures. What a douche-bag couple.

Give what you can, and what conveys your feelings about the couple. If I had an inkling that a 'friend' of mine was inviting me to make money from me, I wouldn't attend their wedding at all. That being said, I try to at least accommodate the cost of my meal/drinks. When I was a poor student and being invited to weddings, I couldn't always do that. Thankfully, I had friends that understood. In one case I picked up a whole whack of towels from their wedding registry that happened to be on sale. Then, I packaged them in a huge storage box, so the wrapping was part of the gift. Regular price that gift would've covered the cost of my meal/drinks, but I saved a bit. The couple didn't give two hoots, and actually loved the box idea.
 

Klubmasta Will

TRIBE Member
depends on the circumstances. if it is evident that the wedding is expensive and you suspect the couple is planning to recoup a portion of the costs from gifts (which is very often the case these days), then a cash gift is appropriate and most appreciated.

that said, you should not invite people expecting cash or any other gift, so it's idiotic to get mad at a guest for not giving the gift that you expected.

the one thing that is unforgivable (we had a couple of these at our wedding) is to RSVP for someone and then not show up or not bring the person that you RSVP'd for, while not bringing a gift of any kind. if the couple is paying per guest/plate (which is usually the case at events that are not buffets), it's a really shitty thing to do to make the couple waste money like that.
 

le bricoleur

TRIBE Member
Tradition is that you cover your meal and drinks - with exceptions made for those travelling great distances. If you're coming in from China, it should be anticipated that you're not going to buy a big screen t.v.

As for registries, traditionally (again) the bride and groom are NOT supposed to advertise where they are registered because the materialism is considered gauche. Instead, invitees are supposed to ask a close family member or a member of the wedding party where the couple is registered.

I tend to get people nice gifts from their registries, or if the couple has registered for a million little items - that would never amount to my meal ticket even if I bought them all - I'll get them a gift card to the place where they registered. When I got married I was happy to pool people's gift cards together and buy some nice pots and pans.

That aside: both parties in this situation suck at life and they probably deserve each other.
 

Sal De Ban

TRIBE Member
don't have a wedding if you can't afford it. anyone who's thrown a party knows not to expect this. sounds like she has more problems above and beyond simply a friend not forking over some cash.
 
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le bricoleur

TRIBE Member
"Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue."

I would imagine that if your guests ate the beautiful venue that you would have some costs to recoup.
 

Sal De Ban

TRIBE Member
If they ate the beautiful venue, I'm assuming that some of their guests were either termites or godzilla. in which case godzilla has never been a great gifter.
 

le bricoleur

TRIBE Member
don't have a wedding if you can't afford it. anyone who's thrown a party knows not to expect this. sounds like she has more problems above and beyond simply a friend not forking over some cash.
this.

As with most situations, don't live beyond your means.

I would like to think that "in our modern times" (hate that phrase) that most married couples aren't leaving home for the first time, without a pot to piss in. The argument that weddings should set up the couple for life is absurd. The gift should be a token of gratitude for being invited to share in the couples' special day.

When our parents got married, they bought shitty furniture, lived in apartments until they could afford a house, worked shitty jobs, and slowly but surely improved their quality of life over time.

This bride's attitude is symptomatic of our completely fucked instantaneous debt-driven culture. People demand the best, right now, because they deserve it.
 

awwnaw

TRIBE Member
The TRADITION is that a $ gesture at a wedding is meant to set the couple up so there is less strain. I think it's clear that times have changed considerably and man people exploit this gesture.

I don't know who in their right minds throws a party (of any kind) and banks on guests contributing to it. Others make a choice to have a party, and I have to shell out because I've been invited? Absurd. And the comments that guests get to enjoy a menu, venue, booze, etc. like the couple is doing their guests a favour is just retarded.

That said, personally I both appreciate gestures and try to be a thoughtful individual and guest to those I love. This may mean flowers, deserts, wine etc. for parties, and means $ for weddings or kid celebrations. Those I don't love I don't celebrate with: we've all had wierd invites I'm sure--coworkers daughters wedding who you barey know, etc. I don't attend cause I neither care to celebrate and certainly have no sincere gesture.

I'm with Le bricoleur, the idea of advertising an "I want" list because of my own personal life choice is so gauche. I'm married, and expecting, and couldn't bear to do it in either case. I have been extremely generous with friends and their kids myself, and don't expect equal reciprocity as that wasn't the point of my gesture; but man do I appreciate it when someone thinks of me and my family in any way. I had people who weren't even invited send me cards wishing us well and it blew me away.

Salsa man is thoughtful but clueless. I also think if you have to ask $ or gift, it's being purposefully dense.
 
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Deus

TRIBE Member
We're going to a wedding in a couple of weeks. I hope I can still get a refund for this goat and give them the cash instead.
 
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