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Boundaries on Drug use...

kaniz

TRIBE Member
Skipper said:
I used to think this when I was partying every weekend...it's like when you smoke weed every night for so long you don't realize how it affects you the next day, but when you stop, you realize how clear headed you are.

100% agree actually. On week #2 of my weed-break after smoking it daily, and already noticing I am feeling much more clear headed and alert then I have the past few months - and I hadnt even been smoking daily for that long. (December maybe? possibly November)

I also didnt realize how much popping pills once a week was taking a toll on me, untill I hadnt done it for about 4 weeks. Well, it wasnt untill I popped a pill on week 6, and noticed the difference between how I was that week after, to how I was the week before. I couldnt help but think "how the fuck did I function like this /every/ week last year", and then it took me about another 2 weeks to feel fully recovered from it.
 

quantumize

TRIBE Member
Michlerish said:
Do you want a medal?


sorry it took me so long to rebute i was on lunch...

yes i do, i want a silver medal...and it better be engraved... i want the following inscription:

joe is smart..smrt
and he has the best table manners ever
 

dvs

TRIBE Promoter
honestly. do you really give a flying fuck what a bunch of people on a website have to say about YOUR level of comfort? it doesn't affect US whatsoever... it affects YOU!?

some will tell you to get a grip and that you're being to intolerant. others will tell you to bail and not deal with it at all. some will suggest you give an ultimatum or put conditions on his conduct... what does your gut instinct tell you? honestly?

d
 
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Interchange

TRIBE Promoter
alexd said:
1. If he is an addict he won't be able to stop to meet your challenge if you ask him to stop or slow down for you or "the relationship".
2. If you ask an addict "what is more important, me or the drug?", the drug will always win out, no matter what they say to you. They can even believe every word they are telling you at the time.
3. Are you setting this challenge in hopes he will fail it in order to end the relationship? It is spring after all.
4. If he is not addicted and the communication is already good in your relationship he should be able to stop completely without any challenges presented, and really, the question shouldn't even be coming up in the first place.
5. Are you just noticing all this now?

Yes and no - i was clear at first i was like i will not put up with certin drug use... then i was like ok he does it to much i made ground rules, he got bitter, i said ok lets just have it so you do it when you do and i will see how it effects me as long as you tell me every time you do it... fine he does each time it bugs the ful out of me and it is an issue, then he lies to me about it one time, comes clean a week later...

Now he says he will give it up for me becauase i am more important and all of this shit that has gone down has made him relise things and he knows he will not become resentful....
i am kinda questioning that
 

Interchange

TRIBE Promoter
yeah tis true getting all kinda of different responses, i wish i could be given an answer but i know that at the end it is up to me....
 

quantumize

TRIBE Member
outofcontrol said:
I always thought he was being sarcastic with those comments all the time, then I realized.

Chaos said:
You really don't belong here. Why do you stick around? You and newstyle666 should form a support group or something.

alright let me get this straight

because my lifestyle differs from yours i dont belong, and should just leave ?

r u kidding ?
 
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The Watcher

TRIBE Member
Drug use and Consequences go hand in hand.
It's completely valid to set an ultimatum on wether you want to be with someone who does drugs as no one is forcing anyone to do the drugs or forcing you two to be together.
If it's such a big deal in your mind, make it a deal breaker in your relationship, because otherwise, the resentment associated to not respecting your wishes can end the relationship in a very drawn out and unpleasant way anyhow.
But realize that you have been there before, done that, and he has the right to do the same.
Timing in a relationship can make a big difference on wether it's going to be successful or not. If he's in his recreational drug phase and you are past that and dont want to be around it. Then I guess the timing sucks. But he has the right to learn his lessons himself without you dictating his life.
Clear decisions should be made on both your parts... and accept the consequences of your decisions.
 

lou kang

TRIBE Member
doing pills once a month and getting dumped over it is purdy reeetarded

i would feel for the guy, but then realize he's prob. better off not putting up with the constant guilt trip
 

rubytuesday

TRIBE Member
mrs peacock said:
I tried that but it did not work, i tried to accept it but everytime it happend i got very upset. We tried to put limits on it, twice a year but then he binged on NYE to get it out of his system and then became resentful about the rules.... but he now says that will not happen this time around.....

I guess it is a fine line and it depends what one is comfortble with...
I think most people responding can't understand your discomfort with your partner's drug use. However recreational it is for him, for you it obviously brings up your own history and associations with using. I can relate to your situation. My father was a heavy user of drugs while I was growing up. While I have experimented with drugs and alcohol, my relationship with drugs has been complicated and coloured by my history. Under certain circumstances I definitely over-react to the drug use of those around me, especially if it reminds me in any way of my bad experiences. While I don't expect my bf to do exactly as I do, I expect him to be sensitive and open-minded and I try to do the same for him.
You should write down what your beliefs about drugs are and how that affects your view of your partner. It sounds silly but it can really help you and your bf understand the situation better. It seems like he doesn't really get how much it affects you.
Whether someone should be willing to give up a habit for love, if the habit is truly a recreational habit, then it shouldn't be a problem or a burden for your bf to give up imo.
 
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Subsonic Chronic

TRIBE Member
mrs peacock said:
Yes and no - i was clear at first i was like i will not put up with certin drug use... then i was like ok he does it to much i made ground rules, he got bitter, i said ok lets just have it so you do it when you do and i will see how it effects me as long as you tell me every time you do it... fine he does each time it bugs the ful out of me and it is an issue, then he lies to me about it one time, comes clean a week later...

I'll be honest with you, I would not stay with someone who tried to impose restrictions like this on me, and if I did stay with them, I would grow to resent them over time.

You're basically telling this guy how he should behave even when you're not around and when it won't affect you. You're restricting his usage of drugs because or your past experiences, and I don't really think that's fair in a relationship.

It reminds me of the "Fingerbang" episode of South Park where the boys wanted so badly to form a boy-band, but Randy Marsh was strongly against it, having been in one when he was young and having gone through the whole downward spiral after coming into fame.
 

bombthreat23

TRIBE Member
a friend of mine did 25 pills on sat during the wmc.... is this a world record? and yes I know stupid as hell...we got in a rather large fight about it...
 

groovespinna

TRIBE Member
I'd totally do 25 if I knew it would do something. will someone start making pills like back in 98 when they were good please?!?
 

Rude1_247

TRIBE Member
Subsonic Chronic said:
I'll be honest with you, I would not stay with someone who tried to impose restrictions like this on me, and if I did stay with them, I would grow to resent them over time.

You're basically telling this guy how he should behave even when you're not around and when it won't affect you. You're restricting his usage of drugs because or your past experiences, and I don't really think that's fair in a relationship.

It reminds me of the "Fingerbang" episode of South Park where the boys wanted so badly to form a boy-band, but Randy Marsh was strongly against it, having been in one when he was young and having gone through the whole downward spiral after coming into fame.

I think being open and honest about how *you* feel is important though, and if you say flat-out that it's a deal-breaker for you and they have to accept it or move on, there's nothing wrong with that. You're just stating how it is, and leaving the decision up to them whether they're willing to accept that or not. The other person is just as within their rights to say "I use when I want to and you need to accept that or move on" as well. I don't think it does anyone well, though, to know of an issue that bothers you deeply and yet not speak your mind about it. Your partner has a right to know how you feel just as you have a right to know how your partner feels. Asking them to change isn't the right way to go, but letting them know how you feel and being honest about how their behaviour affects you and your opinion of them is completely fair and valid.
 
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Da grunj

TRIBE Member
mrs peacock said:
perspective as i am pretty straight edge, my question is, do you think once a month can be considered recreational use? or could that be considered a habit?

You can't become addicted until you first start with the recreational use, then the habitual use.......its all down hill from there IMO.

A = GRj
 

LivingRoomPornstar

TRIBE Member
groovespinna said:
I'd totally do 25 if I knew it would do something. will someone start making pills like back in 98 when they were good please?!?

I could never understand doing more than 3 or 4, even in a binge session. I mean, after that you're tapped out, and will only be receiving a high from the substances the pill is cut with, if any. Might as well switch to something else, or god forbid, go to fucking sleep. :D
 

Subsonic Chronic

TRIBE Member
bombthreat23 said:
a friend of mine did 25 pills on sat during the wmc.... is this a world record?

It is now. The previous official record was held by *~RaiNBow SkEtch~* at 23 pills on the Saturday night of WEMF '99.
 

Kazoo

TRIBE Member
Skipper said:
you're using the term "manageable" in isolation though - perhaps you can manage your job, but you aren't able to manage your relationship if you have someone like mrs peacock posting threads on tribe about your drug use and how it affects her. Managing your drug use involves managing and mitigating its effects on the people close to you as well.

No, I was using the word manageable in all the aspects that you mention above, not just with career.

In re: to relationships itself, so as to stick to the topic at hand, mrs peacock has to make a decision that works for her. All I am saying is that her partner should be judged as an individual who's reaction to partying may be different than her own or others.
 
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