Bill Gates, riding a massive high on the popular rave drug ecstasy, declared Monday that he plans to become Harry Potter. Over the next year he plans to relinquish control of Microsoft to shareholders and move most of his personal fortune overseas into the Gringotts bank for wizards, located in the mysterious Daigon Alley somewhere in central London.
Gates declared his intentions to build Hogwarts castle somewhere in the English countryside and plans a rail link to King’s Cross Station where he’ll build an invisible platform 9 ¾. From there he hopes to partner with inventor Dean Kamen to develop a line of flying brooms. Kamen is famous for his two wheeled scouter named “Ginger” that was unveiled late in 2001. The Gates/Kamen brooms will run on Mac OSX as Gates declares it “a suitably better platform than XP”. “I can’t have my broom crashing when I’m about to win the Quidditch match”