I dunno, if shit went down the way you're saying it did, the crowd in your story sounds pretty insane. Unless the non-G rated material you're referring to is that he set old people on fire, I think the crowd should have chilled out.
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best man speech
- Thread starter basketballjones
- Start date
I dunno, if shit went down the way you're saying it did, the crowd in your story sounds pretty insane. Unless the non-G rated material you're referring to is that he set old people on fire, I think the crowd should have chilled out.
LivingRoomPornstar
TRIBE Member
poetry = bad
limmericks = good
limmericks = good
I'm pretty sure everybody got it.
even I don't think that's funny....I may be more agro about these things than usual though because right now I'm planning (read paying for) a wedding, and anybody who fucks up my multi-thousand dollar investment is having their skull deep fried in the kitchen and thrown out back for the rats to devour.
kirstenmeows
TRIBE Member
I think the best thing you can do is follow the 'KISS" method - keep it short and sweet. While you may have many inside jokes and memories, not everyone is going to appreciate the humour. Keep the comments light and happy, and for goodness sake, don't ramble on for too long. No one wants to hear a long speech.
I'm pretty sure everybody got it.
even I don't think that's funny....I may be more agro about these things than usual though because right now I'm planning (read paying for) a wedding, and anybody who fucks up my multi-thousand dollar investment is having their skull deep fried in the kitchen and thrown out back for the rats to devour.
Comparing a wedding to a 'multi-thousand dollar INVESTMENT" is perhaps the most tacky thing I've read today.
I hope she's worth every cent, you're quite the catch.
I think the common element of any direction - whatever it is you want to talk about - is to keep it appropriate for the situation.
So one can be funny, and bring up slightly embarassing facts about the bride and groom, but for *&%^'s sake, be NICE to the person you are talking about, and understand that this is all of their family and friends who are your audience.
I went to a wedding last year where both the bride and groom were horrified by the best speeches, and probably never spoke to these people again. I was horrified for them all and desperately trying to leave the room unnoticed.
So one can be funny, and bring up slightly embarassing facts about the bride and groom, but for *&%^'s sake, be NICE to the person you are talking about, and understand that this is all of their family and friends who are your audience.
I went to a wedding last year where both the bride and groom were horrified by the best speeches, and probably never spoke to these people again. I was horrified for them all and desperately trying to leave the room unnoticed.
basketballjones
TRIBE Member
thanx for the advice but i think some ppl have missed the part about them being together for over a decade, funny stories about them as kids everyone already knows and our families have done lots of things together in large groups
so that rules out pretty much everything except stories that should not be told at a wedding.....ah well
even my brother said the same thing when i asked him what to say cause i got squadouche...he did say that he is down with the Old School speech if i get my sister in laws brother to cut me off b4 the part about the naked ppl coming out of the bathroom to gang bang his gf...but that is the best part
so that rules out pretty much everything except stories that should not be told at a wedding.....ah well
even my brother said the same thing when i asked him what to say cause i got squadouche...he did say that he is down with the Old School speech if i get my sister in laws brother to cut me off b4 the part about the naked ppl coming out of the bathroom to gang bang his gf...but that is the best part
Having DJ'd upteen weddings I have heard some pretty bad ones.
The best ever was..
"Hi I'm Dave. Mark and I were best friends growing up. I moved away to BC after college but we have always stayed in touch. Coming back to Ontario for the first time in years has been great. WHen I flew in and got to Mark's parents place things were exactly the same. The front door was unlocked, Marks mom was in the kitchen and the grandkids were eating chips out of that old bowl with the flowers painted on it. It was just like the old days. Like back when we were 16 and had a party at Mark's place. I remember Mark got so drunk he puked in that bowl!"
It was really funny, believe it or not.
The best ever was..
"Hi I'm Dave. Mark and I were best friends growing up. I moved away to BC after college but we have always stayed in touch. Coming back to Ontario for the first time in years has been great. WHen I flew in and got to Mark's parents place things were exactly the same. The front door was unlocked, Marks mom was in the kitchen and the grandkids were eating chips out of that old bowl with the flowers painted on it. It was just like the old days. Like back when we were 16 and had a party at Mark's place. I remember Mark got so drunk he puked in that bowl!"
It was really funny, believe it or not.
what the fuck are you talking about, this wedding is costing us tons of money, both of us, it's a huge investment on our part.
if some clown fucks it up, I'll be upset.
kindly check your stupid at the door, moron.
wayne kenoff
TRIBE Member
the idea of spending a bucketload of cash to be the center of attention for a day is utterly unappealing to me. I would do it for love, but I dread my wedding day. with any luck, we'll be eloping.
I'm pretty sure everybody got it.
even I don't think that's funny....I may be more agro about these things than usual though because right now I'm planning (read paying for) a wedding, and anybody who fucks up my multi-thousand dollar investment is having their skull deep fried in the kitchen and thrown out back for the rats to devour.
Make sure you put a warning in the invitation to discourage this type of behaviour, right beside the minimum amount of cash you will accept as a gift.
Totally agree.
One Italian wedding I was at years ago had a brutal best man speech. Basically the groom is your stereotypical, Italian thug kind of guy. Thinks he's king shit and would sooner resort to violence than to talking things out. Anyways, one of his best friends (who's likely just like him) starts talking about "the old days". This guy was obviously a little drunk and winging it as he had no speech prepared that we noticed. He got to this one part where he was saying, "...and remember that time where we got into a scrap with some loser outside of a club? We were so wasted and then we started pounding on him and he was bleeding and stuff and his friends had to get us off him...." You'd never heard (or seen) a more quieter room with all the guests given glances to each other thinking WTF is wrong with these guys.
So yeah, keep it simple, say nice things and if you plan on using any jokes, bounce them off some friends first to see if they'll work in a large setting like that.
Lobo
THIS
a couple of weddings we've been to EVERYBODY spoke - the entire wedding party did their own speeches. UGH.
and at one his uncle rambled on for OVER AN HOUR. Thank jeebus I had kids there and could pretend they needed to be changed or something. He didn't even have anything prepared and most of it just didn't make sense...ugh. worst speech ever. actually that whole wedding was super weird, but the fireworks made up for it.
A friend of mine gave a speech talking about being at the bar the night the groom picked up the bride and how she slept over the first night they met and how loud she was... you could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was watching the Bride, then her mother, then her father, then back to the best man. Most uncomfortable 10 minutes I've ever endured.
how is a wedding an investment exactly? what returns are you getting on the money you spent?
That may be the worst wedding speech story in the history of weddings!
The returns will be measured in memories.
Also, in many cultures, cash is given to the bride and groom as the standard wedding present, so with the appropriate discretion applied to input costs, a bride and groom can actually see positive monetary returns on their wedding.
500 people * $100 gift each = $50,000 revenue.
LivingRoomPornstar
TRIBE Member
i've given 2 best-man speeches. a mix of humor and friendship...
stuff like:
"Having known x for a little over 4 years now life, I think of him more like a brother now - an odd, slightly simple brother, maybe - but a brother nonetheless."
X and Y, you have stood by me through thick and thin. You were there for me when I moved back to Toronto, when I was out of a job, and when I was stressing out about my own wedding last year, you were there. And, now – I’m stuck in a job I don’t love, I hardly have any time for my hobbies and I’ve gained about 20 pounds this year – and you’ve been there beside me, helping me through it all. But it’s really starting to annoy me – because I was doing just fine before I met you."
stuff like:
"Having known x for a little over 4 years now life, I think of him more like a brother now - an odd, slightly simple brother, maybe - but a brother nonetheless."
X and Y, you have stood by me through thick and thin. You were there for me when I moved back to Toronto, when I was out of a job, and when I was stressing out about my own wedding last year, you were there. And, now – I’m stuck in a job I don’t love, I hardly have any time for my hobbies and I’ve gained about 20 pounds this year – and you’ve been there beside me, helping me through it all. But it’s really starting to annoy me – because I was doing just fine before I met you."
Flashy_McFlash
Well-Known TRIBEr
Quick, someone do the cost-benefit analysis of lilies in the reception hall and hiring Jonathan Frakes as the ring bearer