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Bad Jokes Thread, Again.

acheron

TRIBE Member
Post your baddies here. I could use a perk-up today.

Here's one to start:

My New Car Stereo

I got a cool new car stereo for Christmas.

It has voice recognition software built-in.

You shout "easy listening!" . . .and it plays easy listening.

You shout "rock!" . . .and it plays rock and roll.

The other day some children ran in front of my car.

I yelled out "Fucking kids!!!!".

My radio started playing Michael Jackson.
 

416

TRIBE Member
har har

What's the difference between you and a beer?

I'm not going to rape the beer.
 

416

TRIBE Member
What do you call a dead prostitute sewn into a matress?

Bambi. But I don't think she gave me her real name.
 

Hal-9000

TRIBE Member
For the Protestants:

Whats the difference between an apple and an orange?

You've never met an apple bastard, have you?
 

tobywan

TRIBE Member
you: Did you know that there's serial numbers printed on every condom?

person: uhh, no I didn't...

you: Well, I guess you've never rolled it down that far...
 
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stir-fry

TRIBE Member
this was in the last joke thread, but i liked it

a priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and a young boy walks past them. The catholic priest turns to the rabbi and says "Cute kid, let's fuck him."

The rabbi says "Out of what??"


ps, don't tell your Irish Catholic family that joke at the christmas dinner table.
 

Dr Funk MD

TRIBE Promoter
from Good Will Hunting:

I was on this flight one time and the captain comes on and gives the usual speech, you know, we'll be flying at 50000 feet and shit like that. When he's done he forgets to turn off the microphone and he starts talking to his co-pilot. He says to him. "Man, I could really use a coffee and a blow job right now." The flight attendent hears this and comes running up the isle to the cabin. From the back of the plane a guy yells to her "Don't forget the coffee!"
 

Hi i'm God

TRIBE Member
A wife is giving birth and gets to try a new technology. Her husband gets a controller to transfer some of the pain to him so he knows how chirld birth feels. He starts to crank up the pain as his wife is pushing and doesnt feel any thing so he keeps goin ghigher and higher till he is supposed to get all the hurt. Still nadda. So the husband goes on about how woman are just overreacting and that giving birth isnt all that bad, untill they get home and find the mail man dead at the front door.
 
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Richard Raiban

TRIBE Member
what did the sock say to the foot?

you're putting me on!

---

what did one eye say to the other eye?

just between us.....something smells...

wah wah waaaaaaaah!!!
 
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Dirtymatt

TRIBE Member
Two condoms were walking past a gay bar, and one turns to the other and says
"lets go in and get shit faced."
 
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Eclectic

TRIBE Member
**worst joke I know. Sorry if I offend anyone**


How do you make an 8 year old cry twice?







Wipe your bloody dick on his favorite teddy bear.

:eek:
 

SmoothOperator

TRIBE Member
^^^ booooo-urns!
hahahahaha

*What's the difference between Michael Jackson, and a grocery bag?

One's made of plastic, and unsafe for children. The other, is used to carry groceries.


*What do you say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Get out of my sun!"
 
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