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anyone a flight attendant?

mutslaster

TRIBE Member
looking for the script of the whole flight attendant safety procedures; can't find it anywhere on google.
also a script of the pilot's little speecharoo too.

anyone?
 

kmac

TRIBE Member
That kind of info is hard to find online. If a flight attendant doesn't respond, try: http://www.airlinecrew.net

Basically it's Tribe for FAs, and the people were very helpful when I was trying to become one. Ah, yet another dream that crash landed.
 
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starr

TRIBE Member
my friend is dating a flight attendant

i could probably get it to you eventually, but you sound like you need it asap

good luck
 

alexd

Administrator
Staff member
kmac said:
That kind of info is hard to find online. If a flight attendant doesn't respond, try: http://www.airlinecrew.net

Basically it's Tribe for FAs, and the people were very helpful when I was trying to become one. Ah, yet another dream that crash landed.
There seems to be only one girl on that board - jessica - in a sea of male posts about removing male body hair.

That board is what TRIBE would look like if we allowed signatures and avatars
 

kmac

TRIBE Member
Yeah, failing that you could try and find a script for a movie that features flight attendants, like Passenger 57 or Delta Force 2 or something and use that as a basis.

Also, if you work with and know a guy named John K., tell him kmac gives him the middle finger! He'll know what it means.
 
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jimmy c

TRIBE Promoter
basically people, if you dont know how to use a seatbelt, just press your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you are a retard.
 

Mephisto

TRIBE Member
some samples...
Ladies and gentle men welcome on board of xyz airlines. as an FAA regulation, we are required to make safety demonstration for safety on this 777.

During , Taxi, Take off and landing. Make sure to store all your hand luggage in the over heads or under the seat infront of you, put your seat in upright position and fasten your seat belts.
seat belts are fastend by inserting the two parts into each other, and they are unfastened by lifting the lever of the head upwards. to tighten your seat belt pull the strip out wards

In case of a decompression oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, grab your own mask and place it in position before assisting others. the mask will automatically start working as soon as you start breathing.

There are eight emergency exits on this boeing 777, four on each side. Shall an emergency evacuation be necessary each door have an escape slide that inflates automatically when the door is opened. to open the door, turn the handle and push the door outward. while evacuating, all high heeled shoes must be removed, DO NOT ATTEMPT to carry any luggage of any kind with you while evacuating. when you are at the door jump on the slide, do not lean.

Brace positions are indicated in your emergency cards. there are different brace positions. assume these positions if an emergency landing or ditching becomes necessary.

Life vests are located under each seats in the economy class, and at the left bottom of each seat in the first and business class. to wear your life vest (either flight attendant or the tape will show) . To inflate your life vest pull the red handle at the bottom of your vest . DO NOT DO THIS INSIDE THE AIRCRAFT. as soon as you are in the water there is a light indicator at your vest that will blink automatically to drag attention. or you can blow in the whistle of the vest to draw attention. swim to the nearest life raft. The escape chutes in the doors mentioned before can be converted into rafts in additional to the additional life rafts that will be activated by the crew.

ladies and gentle men we hope that you enjoy your flight.
as an FAA regulation, the Cabin lights will be dimmed for take off..
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard United Airlines flight _____ with service to_____.

In just a moment, we willbe presenting to you a very short safety demonstarion highlighting the safety information on this 757. We realize that many of you fly frequently, so to reinforce what you already know, and to enable those around you to hear out procedures, we ask for your full attention.

Please direct your attention to one of the flight attendants in the cabin holding a safety information card. You will find this card in the seat pocket infront of you. Please take it out, and follow along as we cover the important information. For our passengers that are seated in an exit row, you may be required to assist the crew in the event of an emergency evacuation, if you are un-able or un-willing to assist the crew, please let us know so we can reseat you.

For takeoff your seatbelt must be fastened low and toght across your lap. Insert the metal fitting into the buckle, and pull tight by pulling on the loose strap. To release, lift up on the faceplate of the buckle. It is important that you keep your seatbelt fastened at all times when seated to protect your self from any un-expected turbulence.

On our 757, there are 6 exit doors. 3 on each side of the plane, each equiped with a slide that inflates automaticly. In additon to these exits, there are four overwing exits, two on each side of the plane. Each exit is clearly marked with a sign overhead. Take a momenet to locate teh exit nearest you. If an evacuation occures, exit path lighting will illuminate to guid eyou to an exit.

In the event of a water landing, your seat coushin may be used as a floation device. To use it, pull it up, and slip your arms through the staps, hugging the coushin to your chest, as shown on the safety information card.

In the event of a loss in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from overhead. To start the flow of oxygen, reach up and pull the mask twards you. Place the cup of the mask over your nose and mouth, slipping the elastic band over your head. Tighting the straps if necessary.The bag does not need to inflate; oxygen is still flowing to the mask. A uniformed crew mwmber will tell you when the masks are no longer needed. It is important that you secure your mask before assisting others.

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for listening. At this time flight attendants will be comming through the cabin making their final safety checks before we take off. At this time, please be sure that your seat back is returned to its upwrite position, and that your tray table is stowed. Please check to see if your seatbelt is securly fastened. As a reminder, all carry on items muxt now be under the seat infront of you, or in an overhead compartment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, United Airlines is a non-smoking airline. Please rember that federal law prohibites the tampering with, disabling of, or destroying lavitory smoke detectors. Passengers muxt comply with all lighted signs, placerts, and crew member instructions.

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for listening.

Now the video for a 757

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard. Here at United we take special procautions to insure your safety, and we would like to review that information with you. So please pause all converstations.

-----------

By now your carry on items should be stowed in an overhead compartment, or under the seat infornt of you, keeping all asiles and exits clear.

---------
Your seat belt should now be fastened. Insert the metal fitting in to the buckle, and pull tight. To release, lift the face plate of the buckle.

----------
If we were to loose cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. Reach up, and pull the mask twards you. Place the mask on your face, and bbring the strap over your head. Tighten the fit if necessary.

The bag has no need to inflate. Oxygen is still flowing to your mask. A crew member will inform you when the masks are no longer permitted.

Please secure your mask before assisting any one, who may need your assiastance.

--------------

There are 6 exit doors on this 757, 3 on each side. To operate thse doors, turn the handle in the direction of the arrow, and swing the door outwards. An evacuation slide will automaticly inflate.

Jump on the slide, with your arms crossed, after clearing the bottom of teh slide, step away from the aircraft/

There are four over wing exits, 2 on each side. Pull the handle upwards to operate.

Before operating any exit, check for fire, smoke, and debris or ubstructions.

Every exit is marked with exit signs overhead. If there was a loss of electrical power, emergency lighting will illuminate to guide you to an exit.

--------------

For your safety we ask that you review the safety information card.

If we were to make a water landing, your seat coushinserves as an approved flotation device. To use, remove it from the seat, slip the arms through the straps, and hug the coushin to your chest.

--------------

As a reminder, United is a non-smoking airline. Tampering with, disabling,or destroying lavitory smoke detectors is prohibited.

We ask for your complete complience with all lighted signs, placerts and crew member instructions.

From all of us here at United, please sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.

____________
(the purser continues with this announcement)

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for listening. At this time flight attendants will be comming through the cabin making their final safety checks before we take off. At this time, please be sure that your seat back is returned to its upwrite position, and that your tray table is stowed. Please check to see if your seatbelt is securly fastened. As a reminder, all carry on items must now be under the seat infront of you, or in an overhead compartment.

more in-flight spiels: http://www.airodyssey.net/reference/inflight.html
 
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Ditto Much

TRIBE Member
Ladies and gentle men welcome on board of xyz airlines. as an FAA regulation, we are required to make safety demonstration for safety on this 777. These safety pointers are not believed to actually accomplish anything however until I get this done there will be no alcohol service.

During , Taxi, Take off and landing. Make sure to store all your hand luggage in the over heads or under the seat infront of you, put your seat in upright position and fasten your seat belts. seat belts are fastend by inserting the two parts into each other, and they are unfastened by lifting the lever of the head upwards. to tighten your seat belt pull the strip out wards. Most passangers will likely start to grab there shit and push to the front of the plane the second we stop, when in doubt use your elbows to get ahead of them.

In case of a decompression oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, grab your own mask and place it in position before assisting others. the mask will automatically start working as soon as you start breathing. If your does not work take the one from the person to your left or right, if they refuse a thrusting jab to the neck should solve the problem.

There are eight emergency exits on this boeing 777, four on each side. Shall an emergency evacuation be necessary each door have an escape slide that inflates automatically when the door is opened. to open the door, turn the handle and push the door outward. If an evacuation occurs the flight crew will be the first ones out and shall become your overlords if we should find ourselves on a deserted island, yes the ass you pinch today may very well be the ass running your pathetic life tomorrow.

Brace positions are indicated in your emergency cards. there are different brace positions. assume these positions if an emergency landing or ditching becomes necessary. If you are in the washroom with someone else at this time we suggest you complete to orgasm before exiting the washroom. If we are told to brace ourselves for a landing it can be assumed that this will be your grizzly death and you may want to forgive bracing for grabbing the breasts of the woman beside you.

Life vests are located under each seats in the economy class, and at the left bottom of each seat in the first and business class. The ones in coach don’t work anyway and the ones in economy are 50/50 at best. If life vests become necessary please consider the option of giving others sexual favors in exchange for there life vests, you can never be to safe and if we survive our deserted island will need those who trade sex for things more than any other profession.

ladies and gentle men we hope that you enjoy your flight.
as an FAA regulation, the Cabin lights will be dimmed for take off.
 
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