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am i a bad person?

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by Plato, Feb 23, 2002.

  1. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    so a friend who's only officially come out to me about a year ago, and since has become progressively more..."gay" has recently been indulging in teh horrar that is cuircuit clubs and such.
    so he's being exposed to the diva's flair and drag queens.
    and now he himself is becoming very diva-ish. he's not dressing up like a drag queen, but his personality is becoming even more queeny than before.
    and i cannot stand it. its flat out annoying. hes become louder, and more obnoxious than before.
    also, since he's quit school, all he does is drugs and men.
    so all he talks about is drugs and men. and now drag queens.
    its boring. i just zone out whenever he talks now, theres nothing very interesting comming out of his mouth anymore. he's just become the stereotypical 2 dimensional gay type.
    so i've been cutting him out of my life pretty much. and when i comment on how i feel about him becoming boring or loud and annoying and obnoxious like a drag queen he says he's sick of my attitude and how i need to get off my high horse.
    :confused: am i being a snob to him or something? he claims i have this "holier than thou" attitude. i dont know where he gets it from though.

    but is it wrong to no longer want to be friends, let alone associate with him?
    its not like its been an abrupt change in his personality, its been somewhat gradual, but its progressed to a point where i just dont feel like talking to him anymore.

    any thoughts? im sure some of you must have dealed with something simmilar.

  2. junglisthead

    junglisthead TRIBE Member

    bring him to church, and let god heal him
  3. Quick thoughts:

    See what aspect of the annoyance is coming from. It could be just the fact that you're not used to the "new" him. At the same time, it could also stem with the fact that you might have some feelings of betrayal underlying. I've found that there are some people who feel like they've been lied to all this time when something like this happens. It's not uncommon, but it's kind of misguided. If you think it's hard for you to deal with it, think about all the confusion and self questioning this person might have been going through all their lives with the conflicting images and values a heterosexual society might place on him and how he might be at odds with it, and unsure how to fit in.

    From the Ministry of would think it would be best to look deeper inside yourself. Not judging you at all, just offering a wee bit of advice :)

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  4. BigBadBaldy

    BigBadBaldy TRIBE Member

    I think in any relationship we decide how much we can accept from someone before we have to turn away. I've always heard friends bitch about other friends flaws and patterns, actions, and my response has always been "If you can't accept that person for what they are, in toto, then you should not be hanging around with them."

    Now, I know it's a pretty black and white statement, and things aren't always that simple, but it can help guide you. If you find a friend is affecting you in an adverse way and your friendship is suffering you should a) Talk to the person (which you obviously have) and b) decide whether or not ties should be cut.


    DISCLAIMER: I am only one person, treat my opinions as such. Thank you.
  5. Karim

    Karim TRIBE Member

    Nah, you're not a bad person.

    Make sure he doesn't think that his sexuality is what's causing you to not enjoy his company as a friend anymore. If he is obnoxious and drives you up the wall by nature (Despite sexuality) then he is not the best friend you can possibly have.

    Just let him know you are not interested at all in his discussion topics of choice and see if he changes at all. If he doesn't, then he doesn't value your friendship enough.

  6. BigBadBaldy

    BigBadBaldy TRIBE Member

    (Retarded misread reply deleted by Gord Almighty.)


    See previous disclaimer.
  7. mingster

    mingster TRIBE Member

    My similar situation:

    I have a grilfriend who, since we left high school, has simply started to enjoy different things from what I enjoy. She likes different clubs, different music, different people. Now, I could state all the things about her tastes that I dislike, but I'll simply say that I dislike them. This has caused us to see less and less of each other. And to be more and more annoyed at trying to get together. Simply because we just don't enjoy the same things anymore.

    Sounds like this might be what's happening with your friend, Plato. It's natural. It happens. You don't remain friends with the same people your whole life. It was really hard for me to accept at first. Cause she had been my best friend. But our worlds expand, new things are introduced, and people find what they enjoy. Knowing this, I'm happy that my friend is participating in thigns she enjoys. And although I have my "opinion" about places she goes to, and people she hangs with, they are her choice.

    As with your friend, He is making his choices.
    And it doesn't make you a bad friend at all. :)

  8. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    no its definately not that, since its been about a year since he made it official (by actually saying "im gay") and about 3 years since he had mentioned his relationships, and since i met him i inda knew he was, as did everyone else. so when he finally made it official it wasnt a big deal, or even a big change.

    i have. and i just cant stand him anymore. but i feel bad if i cut him out for good, since he's been one of my more consisten friends throughout highschool, plus i am one of the only positive people around him, everyone else being a promiscuous slut or a crackhead, so without my stern glare in the back of his mind, i fear he'll over indulge to an extreme. i think thats why i'm reluctant to cut it off. but sometimes now all my adivce and warnings and such just dont seem to matter, since he just does whatever the fuck he feels like.

    blah, i feel so scatterbrained today...

  9. MoFo

    MoFo TRIBE Member

    All I know is that people who get sucked into the scene are destined to realize (one day but who knows when?) that they're a slave to the lifestyle. And they lose their own individuality.

    I say, keep a good distance from him because it sounds like he's doing just fine and you don't need a close friend like that. But sooner or later, he's going to need someone to bail him out (either out of jail or maybe an emotional breakdown or something) and you have to decide whether you still care about him enough to help him re-discover himself.

    He's DEFINITELY going through a phase. He's going gay-crazy. It has manifested from years of repression. Just let him be. If he needs you, he'll come to you for something actually real instead of the same ol' "I did this guy" story. You'll just decide then what you want to do.

    And there's nothing wrong with a "holier than thou" attitude. Tell him that that's what being a diva is all about. He should know that!
  10. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Be a real friend!
    Take him to Whiskey-ago-go sit in perverts row.
    Point him in the direction of the stage and put 5 dollars in his mouth.
    That should cure the bastard.
  11. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    im sick of having to bail him out. from lending him money, to staying up to ungodly hours of the night dispensing pseudo-psychiatry help.
    from getting him to kick heroin, or kicking te current guy to the curb.
    to hounding him to get tested, to holding his hand while he gets tested and doing one myself.
    im fine with that sort of stuff, cause i cared.
    but lately i care less. alot of the problems woudl have been avoided if he listened to my advice during those 4 am phone conversations. im just exhausted. it feels like im always giving help, having to care, but when i mention the slightest bit of whats new with my life its just trivial stuff to him and he doesnt give the same ammount of attention ro care to it that i gave to his life.

    but basically yeah, im tired. of having to help him when hes an emotional wreck, of listening to his fuck stories, of being put down for being on a high horse and such.

    i coudl distance myself, but when he comes crawling back in need of help in the future, i may not want to give it, since i definately dont feel like helping anymore.

    want to focus on my life for once dammit. im sick of having to help everyone around me but not getting any help. now im not gonna be evil and stop helping my friends, or caring for them, but i feel like theres just nothing more i can do with this one friend so i might as well cut him off.
    is that too much to ask for? or am i just being selfish?

  12. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    i dont know what he posted
    i dont want to know
    and first person to quote him so i have to see what he wrote gets a kick in the nuts.
    or goatse and japanese scat in ther email.

  13. Guest

    Guest Guest

    I really think this would work. Give it a try.
  14. mingster

    mingster TRIBE Member

    I don't think this has anything to do with him being gay.
    Different ingredients, it's still a meal.
    It's life, kid
    People change and move on.
    I think I understand how your feeling, I've been through it, everybody does.
    Don't feel guilty, these things just happen.

    Ming. Show me you tits.... ;)
  15. TaCk OnE?

    TaCk OnE? TRIBE Member

    no, he sounds obnoxious....gay, straight it doesn't make any difference, if you start putting on an act for people to be something or someone you're actually not, you're a fucking goof.

    the same thing can happen wiht anything, not just someone comming out of the closet...for instance, someone who gets into hip hop, and slowly starts dressing, and acting, and speaking differently untill you can't take it anymore.

    I know pleanty of people, gay, straight, rockers, hip hopers, ravers and so on, yet each of them ACTS like themselves, not some shit steriotype of the genre they best fit into.
  16. Rosey

    Rosey TRIBE Member

    people who only talk about sex and drugs are boring and deserve to be ignored.

    BTW i had some good drugs last night...then i had sex while i was high. anybody want to talk about that? ;)
  17. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    yeah ming, i also dont think it hads anything to do with his orientation, otherwise i wouldnt have become friends with him.

    and you've seen my tits enough for a lifetime

    ***go to you know where to see more pics *wink*

  18. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    tack is right, nothing to do with orientation and all to do with personalities.

    if only he didnt have all the good black mail on me it would be easier to get rid of him from my icq list and such.


  19. Little1

    Little1 TRIBE Member

    It sounds to me like your friend is taking your friendship for granted and expecting you to always be there to bail them out. Friends help one another and are there to help through a rough time, but it sounds like your compassion is being taken advantage of and you're being walked on. Take a step back from the situation and see if this person is a true friend or are you just their security blanket.
    Also, like Mingster mentioned, sometimes friends end up going in opposite directions, and taking different paths in life. Sometimes its just better to make a clean break and let them go their own way and you go yours.
  20. zoo

    zoo TRIBE Member

    Tell him what you said in this thread.

    Make him read this thread.

    And tell him you like him, but something has to change.
  21. depraved

    depraved TRIBE Member

    Some friendships are like tires; they just wear out.
    - Greg
  22. After reading what you've been saying, I'd just simply say that it's probably a case of people changing. I went through very much the same thing with a lot of my friends when I was in high school, when I started to see sides of people I didn't like, or they just started falling into a crowd that I didn't have much in common with. Not your fault, and you're not a bad person either.

    From the Ministry of just evolution

    Prime Minister Highsteppa
  23. patio-d

    patio-d TRIBE Member

    you don't even have to go to church!

    you can save him from home using the power of the internet.

    just click on the link and show him "Jesus comics".
  24. Plato

    Plato TRIBE Member

    thanks everyone for letting me vent :)
    i no longer feel like im doing something bad.
    and hopefully i can do it in such a manner that it wont open pandora's box.

  25. funkNstyle

    funkNstyle TRIBE Member

    As long as he's not hittin on you and tryin to force his ideas on you then let it slide.
    Perhaps say something to him about it but then he might get all "offended" and that wont accomplish much.


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