a ? for those who've partied with a significant other

[dimpy]

here's the situation,

when i go out i love to dance. i will often stand in more a less a couple of revolving spots and dance for hours.

and while i enjoy dancing with those around me i don't necessarily like to dance with an individual, ie. body contact. i tend to feel crowded and boxed in

i recently dated someone that also parties and he got very upset when i did not want to dance with him and more or less dance/chill on the dance floor.

now i know this seems anti-social but the first time i met him i was also more or less dancing alone for entire night as i like to do. i've talked to him about how i am at parties but he insists that i am not acting very girlfriend-y.

...so basically i was woindering how are couples interact at parties, if there's some protocol that i was yet unaware of??

 

[sugar]

I generally prefer to have lots of space to dance alone. When my boyfriend and I go out to a club, we dance separately, but often I'll grab him and dry-hump his bum, or hug him, or pinch his bum. That way we still maintain occasional contact, while having our own personal space.

 

[dimpy]

i'll do that too, kind of grab his ass one the sly and then move on, but the hand around the waist on the dance floor irks me.

and perhaps because he's more of a socializer when he parties, striking up conversations with everyone so i feel that he won't be lonely. meanwhile when partying wit someone who doesn't party i tend to be more willing to "attend" to them (but then maybe it has to do with their subjectivity to any party favours they may take)

i feel like such a bitch sometimes but i still want to have fun...

 

[labRat]

joo must dance, 'de forbidden dance all night long.

i actually can't stand when couples dance together all night long ... it's one thing to grab, bump 'n grind once in a while. but to be attached at the hip seems like it would be annoying. and they are never paying attention to those around them, which usually means a lot of running into others.

--craig

 

[Rosey]

meh.
dancing at clubs and parties doesn't really seem to be too much about dancing with somebody these days. i certainly don't try to move with anybody and i think it would screw me up if i tried to.

the occasional 'check-in' for a hug, kiss or dry-hump (LOL at allison) should be more than enough.

but maybe your boy has some issues if he needs to feel like he has you on his arm at all times.

 

[KiX]

ack! dancing in contact with someone else? fuck that shit! I don't care who it is, that'd be soo annoying! SPACE, people, SPACE! Sure the occasional dry humping booty dance IS nescessary if the track deems it, but shiat. Who does that dancing together shit anyways?

I dunno, i guess it depends on the context of who you're with and whom each of you know, but i know personally speaking, i'd be totally comfortable wandering off and doing my own thing for good chunks of the night if my boyfriend and i had different agendas for the night. There are better times and better places to be more coupley, and you should be secure enough with eachother to not have to be latched on to them the entire night.

You're not being bitchy at all, especailly if he knows other people there and won't be bored.

Just explain to him that that kinda closeness isn't fun for you... and you'll have all the time in the world to be close and cuddly once you get home.

=tina=

 

[Temper Tantrum]

Whenever I'm gone clubbing with a boyfriend we've always been secure enough in our relationship not to have to do close contact dancing.

Hell I hate grinding touchy-feely crap. I used to skip out on the slow dances in juior high.

The way I figure it is if you like the DJ your there to listen to it and to DANCE. Dancing hard for long periods of time does not usually include close contact. Your there to sweat and move and lose yourself in the music most of the time.

That being said, that's just for me. I think it's actually cute too see couples together on the dance floor. Kinda like gay men holding hands in pubilc. It's sweet

~allie~

 

[deep]

What's the point of being involved with someone if you can't do with them things you couldn't otherwise do on your own? I think dancing together is a nice expression of affection between a couple, I like it. But at the same time I do like to have some space and lose myself in the music. I don't see why it isn't possible to balance the two, but ultimately it comes down to what feels comfortable for you, what you want, and how important it is to you to accomodate your s/o.

 

[dimpy]

come to think of it i hated and still hate slow dancing.

i never of understood why a dj would throw on a song where you're suppose to get close after sweating for the past couple of hours.

the relationship was relatively new but he'd seen what a loner i am when it comes to dancing when he first met me...

 

[dimpy]

that's just it deep,
i don't feel comfortable dancing with people. i tend to go off beat and step on their feet and basically turn into an awkward mess (or more so than i already am). for me it's kind of like walking with someone for any fair distance with each other's arms around the other's shoulders- usually done with the best, most loving intention but not very practical...

 

[AshG]

indeed, if he would take a second and realize how he met u in the first place and why he met you in that situation, he'd begin to understand.
it seems like he's not really trying to understand you, or at least your reasons for dancing.
have u told him how important it is to you to dance alone?
if you have and he's still persistent about dancing with you all of the time, then he's simply not listening or not caring about what you have to say. either way its not good.
sounds like you're meeting him half way, so he should do the same.

 

[[SQUARE]]

i used to have that problem all the time. My boyfriend and i would party together a lot but I like my personal space. I would come and check in with him occasionally but for the most part I did my own thing most of the night. He was thrown off at first but after a while realised that's just how I am.

 

[deep]

Originally posted by dimpy
that's just it deep,
i don't feel comfortable dancing with people. i tend to go off beat and step on their feet and basically turn into an awkward mess (or more so than i already am). for me it's kind of like walking with someone for any fair distance with each other's arms around the other's shoulders- usually done with the best, most loving intention but not very practical...

I hear you. Hopefully he'll understand when you try and communicate this to him. But how people express affection affects also relates to how they'd like it back, and sometimes discrepencies between people on this can cause conflict in a relationship. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but maybe it's important to him, hopefully you'll both be able to find some middle ground.

 

[ElektroTekBabe]

I think that it's very important to keep a good balance. Meaning....for sure dance and go wild...do your thing on the dance floor, but at the same time, try not to let your partner feel like he/she is ignored by you. I was never into the slow-dancing thing either, and I rarely dance with my body touching someone else's...so I know what you mean about that. But at the same time, I did have situations where I would go to parties and my boyfriend would be nowhere in sight. Or even if he was around, he would be interacting with everyone out there but me. That kind of felt like shit. I think that if you are dating this person to begin with, you should have the desire to show him/her that you care about them, and pay them some attention (and you can figure out what your limit is, if you're not the kind of person to have close physical interaction at a party, let them know, but don't neglect them).

 

[Cheeka]

I always do my own thing when I go out - so if I'm dating someone it's no different.
I like to socialize (dance whatever...) myself with my friends and not make the rounds together. Then have hang out moments with them as well for a quick bum grab , how's your night going, want to sit for a bit... ect.
I think its a healthy balance .

 

[Tb303]

Tell your boyfriend to take up swing dancing if he wants to dance with someone. Surprisingly allot of people are tired of dancing by them selves that's why swing, ball room dancing is really taking off with allot of people even with young people.

 

[mcbee]

i love dancing, my boyfriend likes standing around and people watching when we go out.

so dancing together is a non issue.

however, i usually leave the dancefloor at times to go hang out with him. or we'll dance/stand at the side of the dancefloor so i can dance and he can and we can still talk...sometimes i'll hold his hand and dance at the same time.

or i just get him really drunk and then he'll come bust out on the dancefloor

basically, if i like the track i'm gonna go dance, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

sarah

 

[Bean]

Considering that my partner and I rarely go to the same parties, when we do, I like to spend time with him, particularly dancing. Though, when we do dance, it's not together, but in the proximity of each other.

If we're at an event where I'll know more people than him, or vice versa, we're both understanding (and expecting!) to ditch one another for a period of time.

Peace,

Sabina

.:. Share what you know, learn what you don't .:.

 

[Rosey]

what's the line from chasing amy?

"i'm just gonna sit here and watch you dance to work up the urge to fuck you later?"

 

[AdRiaN]

Dancing

I have a hard and fast rule about showing affection on the dancefloor -- save it for the break-downs. My girlfriend knows better than to touch me during a drum roll or bassline, out of regard for her own personal safety.

 

[Aphrodite]

My girlfriend and I dance seperately but we also bump and grind and shit like that too.

I find it hard to control how happy I am when I like the music. I usually grab her and hug and dance with her, sharing the moment with her physically. but most of the time I'm dedicated to busting my own shit on the dancefloor. I think everyone's different.

the funny thin is, if I were him I'd probably get bored of you really fast.. I need someone as affectionate as I am!!! lol

like do you ever feel the urge to hug him? give him any affection what's so ever?

 

[Aphrodite]

AdRian - "save it for the breakdown" is genius!

 

[Subsonic Chronic]

I don't need to be touching people when I dance... I don't usually want to be touching people while I dance. I like to kind of lose myself and sometimes I'm completely oblivious to what's going on around me... on a good night anyway. I love partying with my girl, being able to see her enjoy the music too, but I don't need to be holding on to her, it can be pretty distracting.

Trance/Techno/House, "rave" music in general doesn't make good "couple dancing" music anyway. Save that for top 40's night at the Brunny.

Pete

 

[BigBadBaldy]

Originally posted by Cheeka
I always do my own thing when I go out - so if I'm dating someone it's no different.
I like to socialize (dance whatever...) myself with my friends and not make the rounds together. Then have hang out moments with them as well for a quick bum grab , how's your night going, want to sit for a bit... ect.
I think its a healthy balance .

That's how it's always been for me, with significant others at parties. I go primarily to dance, but it's still a social event for most people, who cares if the person (BF/GF) you came with stays by your side all night. I would rather they didn't, and we just did our own flow, intersecting when we intersect.

I hate that clingy "we've got to be together at all times all night" mentality. If it works for two people, cool, it doesn't for me.

BBB.

..and forget about actual PAIRS dancing. If anyone tries to come in close contact with me while I'm dancing they're likely to get a broken shin or ankle from my windmilling legs. Or a punch in the eye from my flailing arms.

 

[poker face]

I like dancing by my other, as long as there is room. And this also gives you a chance to fight off dudes that are hitting on them!