Home-made Baloney Recipe

[nawberry]

Please bear with it, as this is my longest thread yet…

As does any true foodie, I have a real passion for good baloney.

Bologna or baloney are both perfectly acceptable names to call this oft-neglected favourite amongst sandwich meats. Whether bologna or baloney, I call it fuckin delicious.

Bologna-making at home is an endeavour rife with pitfalls, but once one begins to get the hang of it, it can also prove to be both a rewarding as well as a somewhat cost-effective gastronomic experience.

I googled Bologna and discovered that Bologna was first made by the Etrusans in 534 BC, but then it was called Felsini. Nowadays Oscar Mayer is the world’s largest and most endeared baloney maker, while Schneider’s is surely the world’s most hated bologna maker.

As illustrated by the chart below, by going the homemade route you can get yourself a quality baloney without breaking the bank. My home baloney ranks at the lower third mark among prominent brands in terms of price (or in my case the cost of ingredients), and I would place it at around the mid-point in terms of taste (so long as you have no qualms with an eggy smell/taste and a significant amount of grainy sediment in your bologna). Most importantly for me is the look on people’s faces when I let them know that the baloney that they are eating was made by me; that is absolutely fuckin priceless.

Here are the figures:

Pusateri’s Bologna-$12.34 per 100g
Dietz & Watson Beef Bologna-$2.44 per 100g
Lyoner Bologna-$2.36 per 100g
Shopsy’s Deli Style Beef Baloney-$2.31 per 100g
Schneiders “Blue Ribbon” Bologna-$2.29 per 100g
(my homemade baloney- $2.27 per 100g)
Oscar Mayer Beef Baloney-$2.14 per 100g
Hello Brand Beef Baloney-$0.97 per 100g

I should point out that I am fortunate enough to have fostered a fairly intense relationship with my local Butcher (as in we have gone for a beer together after one of his shifts) so you may not have as good a line on well-priced ground beef and butcher’s twine as me, which may add to your overall cost, but I still believe that the figures speak for themselves.

---
Recipe:

Health nuts will insist that preservatives and proper sterilization equipment are essential, but in reality to make this good-valued bologna at home all you will need is:

15 lbs ground beef
2/3 cup Morton Tender Quick salt
1/2 quart vegetable oil
7 1/2 teaspoons black pepper (1/2 t per lb.)
7 1/2 teaspoons garlic salt (1/2 t per lb.)
8 teaspoons Pike Place Mussel Boil Seasoning
1/2 teaspoons liquid smoke
1 cup brown sugar 2 cups of Macaroni letters*
1 Football cut along the seam lengthwise to serve
as the baloney mold**

And to make it you need to:
1. Mix all ingredients except liquid smoke and oil together. 2. Let stand in refrigerator overnight.
3. Next day, mix liquid smoke and oil together before adding to mixture.
4. Mix everything thoroughly.
5. Pack tightly into the football, leaving 1/2 inch space at the seam.
6. Bake the now-filled football, uncovered, (upright) at 200 degrees for 4 hours.
7. Then immerse the football in boiling beef stock for 45 minutes (careful!).
8. Drain; cool and wrap in many layers of freezer paper.
9. Freeze and let thaw and enjoy within two days


* For the macaroni letters, rather than trying to find a store that sells pasta letters, I find that it is easier to simply drain 6 cans of Alphagetti.

** For the mold, I used an old Raghib “Rocket” Ismail autographed official CFL football that had lost its sentimental value for me. I got the idea of using a football as my trademark insult to Hamilton Ticat players at Argo games is to call them a “bunch of baloneys” - before I was banned from Skydome, there was a time that I saw Ticat QB Danny McMammus outside of gate 9 in his street-clothes and I yelled at him “Danny you are a baloney!” and you could tell by the look on his face that he knew I burned him.

---

A heaping plate of warm baloney with a glass of chocolate milk on the side can be quite soothing when life deals you one of its many blows. It definitely came in handy the day that Muad’ib posted that he was disappointed by my threads (once again
sorry Muad’ib, I still feel awful about not meeting your standards and have still not slept a full night since your harsh, yet accurate words were written). In fact I had two portions that sad day.

Having painting such a rosy picture of bologna making, I would be remiss if I did not warn of some of the inherent dangers associated with household bologna production. Dangers that can be best illustrated through my first hand account of a terrible (baloney related) incident that continues to haunt me…

Shortly after eating a man-sized portion of my homemade bologna one night, I developed difficulty swallowing, dry mouth, and muscle weakness. Soon thereafter, when the slurred speech, blurred vision and drooping eyelids kicked in, it became apparent that this was not something that a couple of Tums could fix. So I did the smart thing and visited the local walk-in clinic first thing the next morning when my leg stopped working. As it turns out, I had acute botulism and almost didn’t make it. It was caused by intake of vast quantities of rancid meat (I don’t like preservatives), and some irreversible damage was done to my innards, but thankfully I am largely back to normal now. However, in terms of cost, that stupid batch of bologna did not save me money, it actually cost me at least $1200 once you take into account the missed days of work, expense of crutches, cost of new sheets/jeans, paper towels, pharmacy bills etc. I certainly learned my lesson, and now have learned to recognise the onset of botulism at a much earlier stage. I plan to make a particularly large batch of festive fancy baloney to mark/celebrate the one-year anniversary of the incident this autumn. I now utilize shellacked leftover baloney for crafts so as to minimise the temptation to eat it after it has gone bad.

My initial hope was that by making my own bologna I would entice my friends to visit more often, which hasn’t been the case and saddens me. But notwithstanding the neuroparalytic illnesses, I would nonetheless chalk up my baloney making escapades as an overall (relative) success. I really don’t have much.


So Bon Appetit yo! And please post any baloney related recipes (my recipes with pics shall follow in short order).

Thanks,

Nawbaloney (hardy har har).

[basketballjones]

there is no way i would pay more for bologna than for steak...that figure has to be wack...puateri- 12.34 100g's...riiiiight

[BayStreetBoi]

Originally posted by basketballjones
there is no way i would pay more for bologna than for steak...that figure has to be wack...puateri- 12.34 100g's...riiiiight

You DO know what Pusateri's is right? Just imagine what their price for steak is...

[nawberry]

Originally posted by BayStreetBoi
You DO know what Pusateri's is right? Just imagine what their price for steak is...

I believe that Pusateri's has an on-site ING mortgage broker that can help amortize the high cost of their steak over a few years.

[echootje]

A friend of mine just got a job at the Pusateri's Deli

Yay! Discounts for me!

Rob

[dabeats]

mmmmm...fried baloney

[veteze]

Dude I think that pic just made this thread not safe for work. way to go.

--r

[why not]

Originally posted by dabeats
mmmmm...fried baloney

me and my brother used to put baloney in the microwave with cheese on it, and it would curl up into a cup that would hold the melted cheese.
yum.

[oh toro]

Originally posted by echootje
A friend of mine just got a job at the Pusateri's Deli

Yay! Discounts for me!

Rob

definitely take advantage of your connect... pusateri's is such a ripoff... about 1.5 years ago i checked their price on wagyu ny strips... $100/lb!!!

[annec]

hey nawberry, did you catch the game?
woah. giddy up argos!

[Poot]

Originally posted by nawberry
I believe that Pusateri's has an on-site ING mortgage broker that can help amortize the high cost of their steak over a few years.

haha

[mr tall]

good stuff nawberry

[Big Cheese]

Originally posted by nawberry
I used an old Raghib “Rocket” Ismail autographed official CFL football that had lost its sentimental value for me.

the last time Rocket Ismail won a grey cup with the argos was also the last time John Candy was on the same field when they won a grey cup under him... hisargos were his baby, a proud torontonian, a rabid CFL fan, a gregarious, warm, all around guys guy.... i miss john candy

he loved his baloney too, so i can only assume he'd approve of this thread as well




RIP johnny

[kmac]

I love baloney!

Here's another little tip... when entertaining, nothing says class like Baloney Rolls. Take one piece of baloney (homemade or otherwise), squeeze French's mustard in the centre, roll up and secure with a toothpic. Yum.

[nawberry]

Originally posted by kmac
I love baloney!

Here's another little tip... when entertaining, nothing says class like Baloney Rolls. Take one piece of baloney (homemade or otherwise), squeeze French's mustard in the centre, roll up and secure with a toothpic. Yum.

For some reason my home baloney has a much stickier surface than that of commercially available brands, which proves very useful for baloney rolls as they have less tendency to unravel at inappropriate times.
When something is classy and delicious I call it classlicious.


Is canola oil the best oil for frying baloney?
Tonight’s dinner dilemma is solved for me.

[nawberry]

Originally posted by annec
hey nawberry, did you catch the game?
woah. giddy up argos!

Yeah I watched the game at Gabby’s,

Way to go Argos! We certainly showed those Hamilton baloneys who is the better CFL squad.

[geminigirl]

Classlicious...hehe

Holy crap Nawberry you are one of a kind.

Once again you have entertained me.

I question if I could marry you now because I do not eat Balony.

Well I do like the veggie balony...maybe that counts.


ps. Can you post a pic of yourself?

[dg0425]

I'm shocked that your balogna thread made no mention of "Maple Leaf Balogna". Isn't maple leaf the heinz of bagged meats? It's like talking about beer without mentioning molson canadian.

[JESuX]

am i the only cracker around these parts that delighted in eating marmalade and bologna sammiches as a child?

they were right up there with peanut butter, marshmallow and banana sammiches, and "lettuce roll ups" (lettuce with peanut butter in the middle)

[nawberry]

Originally posted by dg0425
I'm shocked that your balogna thread made no mention of "Maple Leaf Balogna". Isn't maple leaf the heinz of bagged meats? It's like talking about beer without mentioning molson canadian.

Me and Maple Leaf do not see eye to eye on a number of fronts.

Accordingly I must, by virtue of a Court Order, completely refrain from writing, speaking, drawing or hand gesturing in any way or manner whatsoever about Maple Leaf products or any of its related subsidiaries in any public form.

I hate those Maple leaf bastards! I think their meat is made of aliens.

[echootje]

Originally posted by oh toro
definitely take advantage of your connect... pusateri's is such a ripoff... about 1.5 years ago i checked their price on wagyu ny strips... $100/lb!!!

I sincerely doubt there'd be a discount for those - a quick survey online says 1lb of Wagyu steaks should cost about $100 US!!

Of note I believe there are a number of Wagyu cattle producers in Canada, but only one true Kobe beef producer as ceritifed by Japan, my resto offered an Alberta Kobe special recently at only $65 a plate!

Check this fucking marbling


Rob

[annec]

Saturday, what a day. History made again by the Argos. I remember when Danny McManus and Khari Jones used to scare the Argos... but no more!

We rocked!

And I like fried baloney. MMM. Cheese makes it extra good.

I'm just yellow trash.

[nawberry]

Originally posted by echootje
I sincerely doubt there'd be a discount for those - a quick survey online says 1lb of Wagyu steaks should cost about $100 US!!

Of note I believe there are a number of Wagyu cattle producers in Canada, but only one true Kobe beef producer as ceritifed by Japan, my resto offered an Alberta Kobe special recently at only $65 a plate!

Check this fucking marbling


Rob

I am sold! My next batch of fancy baloney will certainly be made of ground Wagyu steaks. Hopefully I will not overcook them as I did the time I tried to make my baloney from that Kobe beef that I imported from Japan.

[kmac]

Originally posted by JESuX
am i the only cracker around these parts that delighted in eating marmalade and bologna sammiches as a child?

I think you're on your own here, sister.

Marmalade? And baloney? Together?

[basketballjones]

newfie steak...