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The Guide to showering!

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by poker face, Mar 1, 2002.

  1. poker face

    poker face TRIBE Member

    How to Shower


    How To Shower Like A Woman:

    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
    to lights and darks.

    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
    boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to
    the bathroom.

    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your
    gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
    fat.

    4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
    loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
    added vitamins.

    6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83
    added vitamins.

    7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
    with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
    red raw.

    9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

    10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as
    you must make sure that it has all come off).

    11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to
    get it waxed instead.

    12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you
    lose the water pressure.

    13. Turn off shower.

    14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
    Tilex.

    15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
    country.Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

    16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
    nails/tweezers if found.

    17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

    18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any
    exposed and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting
    dressed.

    How To Shower Like A Man

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
    them in a pile.

    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the
    way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.

    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut
    scratch your balls.

    4. Get in the shower.

    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)

    6. Wash your face

    7. Wash your armpits

    8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

    9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

    10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.

    11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)

    12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

    13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

    14. Pee (in the shower)

    15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on
    the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when
    you checked your Mohawk.

    16. Partial dry off.

    17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size.

    18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

    19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

    20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
    girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and
    thrust your pelvis at her.

    21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
     
  2. pr0nstar

    pr0nstar TRIBE Member

    OMG! That's so true the male part for moi :D
    Although as it stands I have no female partner to flash.. and it wasn't a flash it was the Naked Boy dance :D

    pr0nstar
     
  3. tommysmalls

    tommysmalls TRIBE Member

  4. madnezz

    madnezz TRIBE Member

    ewww Kenny- you leave ass hair on your soap bar??? gRRRROOOSSS!! *puke*

    adios
    Laura
     
  5. pr0nstar

    pr0nstar TRIBE Member

    Considering the actual amount of hair I do on my body... I doubt it :D

    pr0nstar
     
  6. stargurl*

    stargurl* TRIBE Member

    Geez. I swear I'm a man some days.

    My shower routine:
    - Take off clothes, drop them on the floor
    - Turn on shower, jump in shower
    - Wash hair, rinse hair
    - Put conditioner on hair, put hair up in an elastic
    - Squirt shower gel on puffy thing, wash body
    - Think about shaving
    - Rinse body
    - Wash face with face cleaning stuff, rinse
    - Rinse conditioner out of hair and comb with wide comb
    - Turn off shower
    - Spray detangler on hair, comb again, wrap hair in towel
    - Dry off
    - Pick up clothes, walk to bedroom, dump clothes on floor.. find clean clothes and put them on
     
  7. poker face

    poker face TRIBE Member

    ^^^ I bet you have a messy room!
     
  8. stargurl*

    stargurl* TRIBE Member

    Oh, do I ever! I never claimed to be a clean person :D

    But it's a tiny room.
     
  9. smile

    smile TRIBE Member

    HAHAHAHA!
     
  10. Moez

    Moez TRIBE Member


    omg, these made me laugh so hard. Especially the ones dealing with seeing your girlfriend and making yah baby, woowoo noises.

    oh man.
     
  11. Mr_Furious

    Mr_Furious TRIBE Member

    Lee that email was soooooo 1998, but still funny nontheless

    so true LOL
     
  12. sugar

    sugar TRIBE Member

    Allison's Shower Routine:

    -put dirty clothes in overflowing laundry basket
    -run over to Timo and shake my ass for him
    -run around the apartment naked
    -adjust the temperature of the shower before hopping in
    -wash my hair
    -put conditioner in hair
    -wash face
    -rinse out conditioner
    -wash my armpits, feet and front & back bum
    -shave my armpits (and legs and bikini area if not covered in this grotesque rash)
    -get out of shower, dry off, brush hair
    -brush teeth, pluck eyebrows, pop zits
    -examine my rash to see if it's getting better
    -run over to Timo again and make him kiss my newly clean ass
     
  13. Moez

    Moez TRIBE Member

    yah because women who are size ten and over are obese.

    right?

    *sorry that was mean, alas I should keep my bitterness to myself*
     
  14. Mr_Furious

    Mr_Furious TRIBE Member

    you're not gonna let that go are you? :(
     
  15. SUNKIST

    SUNKIST TRIBE Member

    ahhhh Allison..this was the cutest post ever :)i pride myself on being able to shower and get ready in 15 mins..unless theres a certain someone distracting me..in which case it takes much longer ;)
     
  16. twist

    twist TRIBE Member

    who the fuck has time to do all that. it takes me an average of 3 minutes to shower. the rest of the time is spent seeing just how far I can cram the soap on a rope up my cornhole.
     
  17. mingster

    mingster TRIBE Member

    Me thinks Lee got a whole bunch of funny forwarded e-mails today....;)

    P.s. Twist, it's nice to see you back in action! :)
     

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