You have to actually do ALL of these things... not just one or two, m'kay? Then, you too, can be an asshat: 1) Write run-on pointeess sentenses wiht lots lots lots off speling misstakes becuase u are raeaallly stupid in fact yer as dumb as like that shitstain in the toilet that won't get flushed but thinks its smart becuz its stuck to the bowl and thats what smart shits do. or sumFIn ionno. 2) Pretend to have a point of view by that is "different", when in fact it is the idiot majority's opinion, as seen every day in the Toronto Sun... in fact, that's where you should get all your "opinions" as an asshat. Post on boards full of people who don't read the Sun... this way you can pretend to have these opinions yourself, even though everyone can see through you... but, being transparent is part of being an asshat. 3) Troll. This is the easiest thing, because usually people WANT to get trolled... and the person starting the trolling (the asshat) gets thinking that they are doing the trolling, when in fact, they are being trolled. Asshats are that fucking retarded. 4) Assume. Always assume. For instance, asshats read maybe 1 page of the Sun in about 3 minutes. Assume that everyone does, even though even the kid on the bus with the helmet and Down's syndrome reads the whole paper in 3 minutes. 5) Stay in the closet, even though you know you LOVE cock... you love it so much, you dread looking in the fridge, in case something remotely phallic like a pickle reaches your visual field and you dribble that stuff out your penis, and then you fuck your mother and/or sister to prove you're not gay.