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Home-made Baloney Recipe

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by nawberry, Sep 11, 2005.

  1. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Please bear with it, as this is my longest thread yet…

    As does any true foodie, I have a real passion for good baloney.

    Bologna or baloney are both perfectly acceptable names to call this oft-neglected favourite amongst sandwich meats. Whether bologna or baloney, I call it fuckin delicious.

    Bologna-making at home is an endeavour rife with pitfalls, but once one begins to get the hang of it, it can also prove to be both a rewarding as well as a somewhat cost-effective gastronomic experience.

    I googled Bologna and discovered that Bologna was first made by the Etrusans in 534 BC, but then it was called Felsini. Nowadays Oscar Mayer is the world’s largest and most endeared baloney maker, while Schneider’s is surely the world’s most hated bologna maker.

    As illustrated by the chart below, by going the homemade route you can get yourself a quality baloney without breaking the bank. My home baloney ranks at the lower third mark among prominent brands in terms of price (or in my case the cost of ingredients), and I would place it at around the mid-point in terms of taste (so long as you have no qualms with an eggy smell/taste and a significant amount of grainy sediment in your bologna). Most importantly for me is the look on people’s faces when I let them know that the baloney that they are eating was made by me; that is absolutely fuckin priceless.

    Here are the figures:

    Pusateri’s Bologna-$12.34 per 100g
    Dietz & Watson Beef Bologna-$2.44 per 100g
    Lyoner Bologna-$2.36 per 100g
    Shopsy’s Deli Style Beef Baloney-$2.31 per 100g
    Schneiders “Blue Ribbon†Bologna-$2.29 per 100g
    (my homemade baloney- $2.27 per 100g)
    Oscar Mayer Beef Baloney-$2.14 per 100g
    Hello Brand Beef Baloney-$0.97 per 100g

    I should point out that I am fortunate enough to have fostered a fairly intense relationship with my local Butcher (as in we have gone for a beer together after one of his shifts) so you may not have as good a line on well-priced ground beef and butcher’s twine as me, which may add to your overall cost, but I still believe that the figures speak for themselves.

    ---
    Recipe:

    Health nuts will insist that preservatives and proper sterilization equipment are essential, but in reality to make this good-valued bologna at home all you will need is:

    15 lbs ground beef
    2/3 cup Morton Tender Quick salt
    1/2 quart vegetable oil
    7 1/2 teaspoons black pepper (1/2 t per lb.)
    7 1/2 teaspoons garlic salt (1/2 t per lb.)
    8 teaspoons Pike Place Mussel Boil Seasoning
    1/2 teaspoons liquid smoke
    1 cup brown sugar 2 cups of Macaroni letters*
    1 Football cut along the seam lengthwise to serve
    as the baloney mold**

    And to make it you need to:
    1. Mix all ingredients except liquid smoke and oil together. 2. Let stand in refrigerator overnight.
    3. Next day, mix liquid smoke and oil together before adding to mixture.
    4. Mix everything thoroughly.
    5. Pack tightly into the football, leaving 1/2 inch space at the seam.
    6. Bake the now-filled football, uncovered, (upright) at 200 degrees for 4 hours.
    7. Then immerse the football in boiling beef stock for 45 minutes (careful!).
    8. Drain; cool and wrap in many layers of freezer paper.
    9. Freeze and let thaw and enjoy within two days


    * For the macaroni letters, rather than trying to find a store that sells pasta letters, I find that it is easier to simply drain 6 cans of Alphagetti.

    ** For the mold, I used an old Raghib “Rocket†Ismail autographed official CFL football that had lost its sentimental value for me. I got the idea of using a football as my trademark insult to Hamilton Ticat players at Argo games is to call them a “bunch of baloneys†- before I was banned from Skydome, there was a time that I saw Ticat QB Danny McMammus outside of gate 9 in his street-clothes and I yelled at him “Danny you are a baloney!†and you could tell by the look on his face that he knew I burned him.

    ---

    A heaping plate of warm baloney with a glass of chocolate milk on the side can be quite soothing when life deals you one of its many blows. It definitely came in handy the day that Muad’ib posted that he was disappointed by my threads (once again
    sorry Muad’ib, I still feel awful about not meeting your standards and have still not slept a full night since your harsh, yet accurate words were written). In fact I had two portions that sad day.

    Having painting such a rosy picture of bologna making, I would be remiss if I did not warn of some of the inherent dangers associated with household bologna production. Dangers that can be best illustrated through my first hand account of a terrible (baloney related) incident that continues to haunt me…

    Shortly after eating a man-sized portion of my homemade bologna one night, I developed difficulty swallowing, dry mouth, and muscle weakness. Soon thereafter, when the slurred speech, blurred vision and drooping eyelids kicked in, it became apparent that this was not something that a couple of Tums could fix. So I did the smart thing and visited the local walk-in clinic first thing the next morning when my leg stopped working. As it turns out, I had acute botulism and almost didn’t make it. It was caused by intake of vast quantities of rancid meat (I don’t like preservatives), and some irreversible damage was done to my innards, but thankfully I am largely back to normal now. However, in terms of cost, that stupid batch of bologna did not save me money, it actually cost me at least $1200 once you take into account the missed days of work, expense of crutches, cost of new sheets/jeans, paper towels, pharmacy bills etc. I certainly learned my lesson, and now have learned to recognise the onset of botulism at a much earlier stage. I plan to make a particularly large batch of festive fancy baloney to mark/celebrate the one-year anniversary of the incident this autumn. I now utilize shellacked leftover baloney for crafts so as to minimise the temptation to eat it after it has gone bad.

    My initial hope was that by making my own bologna I would entice my friends to visit more often, which hasn’t been the case and saddens me. But notwithstanding the neuroparalytic illnesses, I would nonetheless chalk up my baloney making escapades as an overall (relative) success. I really don’t have much.


    So Bon Appetit yo! And please post any baloney related recipes (my recipes with pics shall follow in short order).

    Thanks,

    Nawbaloney (hardy har har).
     
  2. basketballjones

    basketballjones TRIBE Member

    there is no way i would pay more for bologna than for steak...that figure has to be wack...puateri- 12.34 100g's...riiiiight
     
  3. BayStreetBoi

    BayStreetBoi TRIBE Member

    You DO know what Pusateri's is right? Just imagine what their price for steak is...
     
  4. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    I believe that Pusateri's has an on-site ING mortgage broker that can help amortize the high cost of their steak over a few years.
     
  5. echootje

    echootje TRIBE Member

    A friend of mine just got a job at the Pusateri's Deli :D

    Yay! Discounts for me!

    Rob
     
  6. dabeats

    dabeats TRIBE Member

    mmmmm...fried baloney

    [​IMG]
     
  7. veteze

    veteze TRIBE Promoter

    Dude I think that pic just made this thread not safe for work. way to go.

    --r
     
  8. why not

    why not TRIBE Member

    me and my brother used to put baloney in the microwave with cheese on it, and it would curl up into a cup that would hold the melted cheese.
    yum.
     
  9. oh toro

    oh toro TRIBE Member

    definitely take advantage of your connect... pusateri's is such a ripoff... about 1.5 years ago i checked their price on wagyu ny strips... $100/lb!!!
     
  10. annec

    annec TRIBE Member

    hey nawberry, did you catch the game?
    woah. giddy up argos!
     
  11. Poot

    Poot TRIBE Member


    haha
     
  12. graham

    graham Well-Known TRIBEr

    good stuff nawberry
     
  13. Big Cheese

    Big Cheese TRIBE Member

    the last time Rocket Ismail won a grey cup with the argos was also the last time John Candy was on the same field when they won a grey cup under him... hisargos were his baby, a proud torontonian, a rabid CFL fan, a gregarious, warm, all around guys guy.... i miss john candy

    he loved his baloney too, so i can only assume he'd approve of this thread as well


    [​IMG]

    RIP johnny
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2005
  14. kmac

    kmac TRIBE Member

    I love baloney!

    Here's another little tip... when entertaining, nothing says class like Baloney Rolls. Take one piece of baloney (homemade or otherwise), squeeze French's mustard in the centre, roll up and secure with a toothpic. Yum.
     
  15. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    For some reason my home baloney has a much stickier surface than that of commercially available brands, which proves very useful for baloney rolls as they have less tendency to unravel at inappropriate times.
    When something is classy and delicious I call it classlicious.


    Is canola oil the best oil for frying baloney?
    Tonight’s dinner dilemma is solved for me.
     
  16. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Yeah I watched the game at Gabby’s,

    Way to go Argos! We certainly showed those Hamilton baloneys who is the better CFL squad.
     
  17. geminigirl

    geminigirl TRIBE Member

    Classlicious...hehe

    Holy crap Nawberry you are one of a kind.

    Once again you have entertained me.

    I question if I could marry you now because I do not eat Balony.

    Well I do like the veggie balony...maybe that counts.


    ps. Can you post a pic of yourself?
     
  18. dg0425

    dg0425 TRIBE Member

    I'm shocked that your balogna thread made no mention of "Maple Leaf Balogna". Isn't maple leaf the heinz of bagged meats? It's like talking about beer without mentioning molson canadian.
     
  19. JESuX

    JESuX TRIBE Member

    am i the only cracker around these parts that delighted in eating marmalade and bologna sammiches as a child?

    they were right up there with peanut butter, marshmallow and banana sammiches, and "lettuce roll ups" (lettuce with peanut butter in the middle)
     
  20. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member

    Me and Maple Leaf do not see eye to eye on a number of fronts.

    Accordingly I must, by virtue of a Court Order, completely refrain from writing, speaking, drawing or hand gesturing in any way or manner whatsoever about Maple Leaf products or any of its related subsidiaries in any public form.

    I hate those Maple leaf bastards! I think their meat is made of aliens.
     
  21. echootje

    echootje TRIBE Member

    I sincerely doubt there'd be a discount for those - a quick survey online says 1lb of Wagyu steaks should cost about $100 US!!

    Of note I believe there are a number of Wagyu cattle producers in Canada, but only one true Kobe beef producer as ceritifed by Japan, my resto offered an Alberta Kobe special recently at only $65 a plate!

    Check this fucking marbling
    [​IMG]

    Rob
     
  22. annec

    annec TRIBE Member

    Saturday, what a day. History made again by the Argos. I remember when Danny McManus and Khari Jones used to scare the Argos... but no more!

    We rocked!

    And I like fried baloney. MMM. Cheese makes it extra good.

    I'm just yellow trash.
     
  23. nawberry

    nawberry TRIBE Member


    I am sold! My next batch of fancy baloney will certainly be made of ground Wagyu steaks. Hopefully I will not overcook them as I did the time I tried to make my baloney from that Kobe beef that I imported from Japan.
     
  24. kmac

    kmac TRIBE Member

    I think you're on your own here, sister.

    Marmalade? And baloney? Together?
     
  25. basketballjones

    basketballjones TRIBE Member

    newfie steak...
     

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