Enron explained

Discussion in 'TRIBE Main Forum' started by graham, Jan 28, 2002.

  1. graham

    graham Well-Known Member

    Under feudalism you have two cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.

    Under fascism, you have two cows. The government seizes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

    Under communism, you have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government owns all the milk.

    Under capitalism, you have two cows. You sell one and buy a Bull. Your herd multiplies; you sell out, invest the money and retire on the income.

    With Enron you have two cows. You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from your bank, then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest financed by the seller on a note, bearing interest at twice prime, and callable if the market cap of your publicly listed company, whose stock you've put up as collateral, goes below $20 billion. You sell the three cows to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a second bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated unit, so that you get four cows back, plus a tax exemption for five cows.

    To continue: The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Islands firm secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report trumpets that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. All of the above transactions are cheerfully blessed by your independent auditors, who, of course, served as consultants on said transactions, but only after the fact.

    You're all set now to disclose, via press release and conference call with analysts, that Enron, a major owner of cows, will begin trading cows over the Web. Analysts proclaim Enron the prototypical New Economy company, and send the shares to the moon, enabling you to sell huge amounts of the stock, and use part of the proceeds to buy a top-of-the-line shredding machine.
     
  2. Rosey

    Rosey TRIBE Member

    oh, i see.

    guh?
     
  3. JayIsBored

    JayIsBored TRIBE Member

    guh?

    you mean moo
     
  4. Klubmasta Will

    Klubmasta Will TRIBE Member

    the young bull says "hey pop, let's run down there and fuck one of them cows."

    the old bull says "no no, son. let's walk down there and fuck 'em all."

    colours. cu-cu-cu-cu-colours.
     
  5. RJ45

    RJ45 TRIBE Member

    (A paper shredder, not a cow shredder, since you don't really know if you own any actual cows any more.)

    - Sam

    PS: This was funny. [​IMG]
     
  6. Klubmasta Will

    Klubmasta Will TRIBE Member

    alternatively, you could hire a milkologist to report to potential investors that the cow's milk is worth its weight in gold, watch the share prices skyrocket as you go public, sell your personal shares for billions, then push the milkologist out the door of a helicopter.
     
  7. RJ45

    RJ45 TRIBE Member

    Cow-X Inc.
     
  8. deep

    deep TRIBE Member

    then the vice farmer shoots himself in the head
     
  9. graham

    graham Well-Known Member

    and we all get in trouble for making jokes about suicide !
     
  10. kodos

    kodos TRIBE Member

    i STILL dont get it

    [​IMG]
     
  11. RJ45

    RJ45 TRIBE Member

    And remember: If someone accuses you of having a monopoly on cows and/or milk, or accuses you of illegal business practices because you bundle milk with your cows.. appeal, appeal, appeal!
     
  12. JayIsBored

    JayIsBored TRIBE Member

    hire johnny cockrane as your lawyer!
     
  13. Fir3start3r

    Fir3start3r TRIBE Member

    Damn! And I believed the media about it being a suicide! Damn them!!
     
  14. silver1

    silver1 TRIBE Member

    "The Tribe Board police, they live inside of my head.
    The Tribe Board police, they come to me in this thread.
    The Tribe Board police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no."

    http://www.tribemagazine.com/ubb/Forum9/HTML/017678.html

    For shame. Steals from his own previous thread to start a new thread [​IMG]
     
  15. graham

    graham Well-Known Member

    Nah, this one was different, all these transaction details are coming out now. [​IMG]
     
  16. silver1

    silver1 TRIBE Member

    Ya but someone else posted the cow thing in your previous thread.
     
  17. labRat

    labRat TRIBE Member

    mr tall's been busted.

    bye-bye mr tall, hopefully you cashed out.
     
  18. graham

    graham Well-Known Member

    Hey, you're right, I never read it that far. I just took that stuff from this weeks' Barrons, it made me laugh. oh well.
     
  19. RJ45

    RJ45 TRIBE Member

    Yes but that cow thing was different, and presented by an alternate third party that is not directly related to this thread nor it's participants or their legal representation. I suggest we shred the other thread as soon as possible and deny it's existence.
     
  20. silver1

    silver1 TRIBE Member

    Tell it to the judge. [​IMG]

    (just bustin' your balls Graham)
     
  21. graham

    graham Well-Known Member

    there will be no judges in this case (pushes Tommy out of helicopter) [​IMG]
     
  22. AdRiaN

    AdRiaN TRIBE Member

    The most shocking fact about this thread:

    Nobody has made a reference to WEEDCOW.

    [​IMG]

    -----------
    AdRiaN
     
  23. Rosey

    Rosey TRIBE Member

    that kind of talk is unamerican!

    see here: [​IMG]
     
  24. Rosey

    Rosey TRIBE Member

    i like this one too:
    [​IMG]
     

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