The Unpopular Non-Breeders thread

Beer babe · 03-15-2010, 11:13 AM

So there's the wildly popular Mom thread, but for those of us who don't intend to breed, here's a less popular thread for us.

How does it make you feel when people expect you should have children? What do you say to people without offending them?

Or you can just brag that your puppy/kitty did something extra cute today.

I bet this thread doesn't even crack 2 pages!

Dr. Grinch · 03-15-2010, 11:44 AM

The problem with kids, is that unlike kittens, you can't just have them put down when they get too big and aren't cute anymore.

cabbagetowngirl · 03-15-2010, 11:53 AM

I remember telling my mother not to expect grandchildren from me when I was 12. I love kids, just never wanted my own. She always used to say I'll change my mind, but at 38, that idea will never change. I'd say only 40% of my friends have kids, the rest are in the same boat as me. I don't find that people are shocked when I tell them no kids for me, I just think it's hard to understand why a healthy woman wouldn't want. I'm happy being able to have my career, and my BF and I can just pick up and go when we please, as we aren't on anyone else's schedule.

I have a niece whom I love dearly, and 2 god children who I babysit and see on a regular basis, so that's enough for me!

Persephone · 03-15-2010, 12:34 PM

I'm on the fence. Never wanted to have children growing up, but falling in love softened me on that front. Now I'm in a PhD program, already 30, and not sure when I'll have time to have children.I'm in no rush to have them now either.

I've never had much of a mothering urge, I do not think that all babies are cute (in fact, most of them are unremarkable to me), I have no desire to "hold the baby"...lol, it definitely sounds like there's something wrong with me.

However, as BB pointed out, I do take every chance to brag about my little pup.

Here she is - isn't she adorable, just the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Beer babe · 03-15-2010, 12:45 PM

Awww, your puppy is so lovely, Persephone!!!

Sal De Ban · 03-15-2010, 01:09 PM

some tribers shouldn't be breeding, by any means, so i don't judge anyone for not wanting kids. it'll just be less freaks that my future kid(s) will have to contend within their lifetime.

ila · 03-15-2010, 01:09 PM

The age when everyone has kids, and I guess when biologically you need to do it before your ovaries fuck out comes around at the WORST time for your career.

I mean, you finally start getting where you need to be and then you have to take a year off to have a kid? It's kind of unfair.

I dunno. I'm not ready now. I'm 30 and I have so much to get done to be where I want to be in the next few years. I also still have so much travelling to do.

I need more time. I wish 40 was a viable age to start doing this shit. I can't handle it now.

groovespinna · 03-15-2010, 01:22 PM

I applaud this thread.

rubytuesday · 03-15-2010, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Persephone

Now I'm in a PhD program, already 30, and not sure when I'll have time to have children.I'm in no rush to have them now either.

Yup it sucks in academia but probably not as much as it does in more corporate environments. Apparently your post doc is a good time to breed but I don't see how that can be true given that you're trying to bust your ass and get publications so you can get a professor-ship. Several I know have had babies during their grad programs but it seems pretty tough.

ila · 03-15-2010, 02:08 PM

Also, all I ever hear is how much WORK a kid is. I don't even want plants because it's too much work. Pets are completely out of the question because I'd never want to walk the thing or clean up after it.

I can't even begin to comprehend what a pain in the ass a kid would be. There are so many extremely fun things to do that you can't do when you have kids. Also, when you can get out to do something fun, you have to go to shitty movies or kid-friendly restaurants. Nevermind the terrible shit kids want you to do when you play with them "okay, you stand here and when I throw this stick, you throw it back at me"

That's not a fucking game. That's shit. And you can't tell the kid you don't want to play with it because then you fuck it up. So what happens when you're sitting around, reading a gossip rag and you don't want to play the stick game with the kid? You flipping have to.

Anyway, these are just a few more of my concerns.

penelope · 03-15-2010, 02:20 PM

I had no intention of ever having kids (until I had them) and was pretty vocal about my desire not to have any. I used to get so sick and tired of hearing people say I would change my mind (even though I did). It drove me crazy that people felt I had to justify why I didn't want to have kids and that I owed them an explanation but when I did eventually get knocked up nobody batted an eye!!!
You're all right though, they are a ton of work and they do (or can) derail your career and it is a pain in the ass always considering what you can or can't do based around a kid's needs. BUT there are some incredibly awesome moments that I wouldn't trade for the world, an awesome night out of music, drugs and allround ridiculous debauchery maybe!!

rubytuesday · 03-15-2010, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ila

Also, all I ever hear is how much WORK a kid is. I don't even want plants because it's too much work. Pets are completely out of the question because I'd never want to walk the thing or clean up after it.

I can't even begin to comprehend what a pain in the ass a kid would be. There are so many extremely fun things to do that you can't do when you have kids. Also, when you can get out to do something fun, you have to go to shitty movies or kid-friendly restaurants. Nevermind the terrible shit kids want you to do when you play with them "okay, you stand here and when I throw this stick, you throw it back at me"

That's not a fucking game. That's shit. And you can't tell the kid you don't want to play with it because then you fuck it up. So what happens when you're sitting around, reading a gossip rag and you don't want to play the stick game with the kid? You flipping have to.

Anyway, these are just a few more of my concerns.

Kids also destroy the most important parts of your body, namely your tits, vagina, and ass. Yes, your ass gets wrecked too, the baby sucks all the goodness out of it so that you're stuck wearing mom jeans for the rest of your life. And your sex drive disappears right along with your hotness.

Kids might not affect your partner's body but watching a baby get ripped from your vagina and then your boobs being turned into milk dispensers dampens their ardor, don't expect them to talk dirty ever again, if they're staring at your boobs it's because your nipples are leaking.

ila · 03-15-2010, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubytuesday

Kids also destroy the most important parts of your body, namely your tits, vagina, and ass. Yes, your ass gets wrecked too, the baby sucks all the goodness out of it so that you're stuck wearing mom jeans for the rest of your life. And your sex drive disappears right along with your hotness.

Kids might not affect your partner's body but watching a baby get ripped from your vagina and then your boobs being turned into milk dispensers dampens their ardor, don't expect them to talk dirty ever again, if they're staring at your boobs it's because your nipples are leaking.

YAH - it's tough to bounce back after having kids. Nevermind all the horrible shit that happens during pregnancy like, not being able to drink or play contact sports, and being incredibly sore at every waking minute. The dude just gets to watch you do all this THEN GOES BACK TO WORK after while you sit at home with his seed for a year and put your career/life on hold basically.

It's a lot to deal with.

I dunno, guys. I dunno.

janiecakes · 03-15-2010, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ila

That's not a fucking game. That's shit. And you can't tell the kid you don't want to play with it because then you fuck it up. So what happens when you're sitting around, reading a gossip rag and you don't want to play the stick game with the kid? You flipping have to.

no you don't - a little benign neglect is good for kids. they will learn how to entertain themselves and get into shit and that's how they learn. doing whatever a kid wants you to do is a surefire way to raise a jerk with a sense of entitlement.

anyway carry on!

Sal De Ban · 03-15-2010, 03:18 PM

agreed. i trust janie's comments.

LeoGirl · 03-15-2010, 03:18 PM

<3
this thread is hilarious. would it be bad of me to contribute.

would you call CAS

ila · 03-15-2010, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janiecakes

no you don't - a little benign neglect is good for kids. they will learn how to entertain themselves and get into shit and that's how they learn. doing whatever a kid wants you to do is a surefire way to raise a jerk with a sense of entitlement.

anyway carry on!

what if the kid cries? then you're fucked. you have to get up and play the shitty stick game or live with the guilt.

whenever I visit kids, I get stuck playing with them for literal HOURS while all the adults talk and drink beer because they always choose me to play their werido kid games and I never, ever say no incase they cry and feel rejected.

It's too much work.

Wiseman · 03-15-2010, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ila

what if the kid cries? then you're fucked. you have to get up and play the shitty stick game or live with the guilt.

whenever I visit kids, I get stuck playing with them for literal HOURS while all the adults talk and drink beer because they always choose me to play their werido kid games and I never, ever say no incase they cry and feel rejected.

It's too much work.

FYI they get you to play with them because they know you don't know how to say no.

janiecakes · 03-15-2010, 03:26 PM

so they cry - big whoop! they have the attention span of a goldfish. in about 30 seconds they'll be trying to build a spaceship out of cheese and their self-esteem will be repaired.

next time you visit your friends with kids you should play the get-ali-a-beer game or the see-who-can-be-quietest-the-longest game.

ila · 03-15-2010, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wiseman

FYI they get you to play with them because they know you don't know how to say no.

I know!!! Beacause they're little dicks!!

LeoGirl · 03-15-2010, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janiecakes

see-who-can-be-quietest-the-longest game.

huge fail every time we play this game.

ila · 03-15-2010, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janiecakes

next time you visit your friends with kids you should play the get-ali-a-beer game or the see-who-can-be-quietest-the-longest game.

I have never, in my life been able to get a kid to do something. We just don't have good rapport.

lol

mandapanda · 03-15-2010, 03:34 PM

i always find it so obnoxious when people tell me "oh, you don't want them now, but you WILL". fuck off! i won't, especially now just to spite you!

why is it so hard to understand that i do not in any way, shape or form want children? nothing about the whole life-long parenting process appeals to me. maybe dressing them up in cute clothes, but that's about it.

the only children i like are the ones that i can give back when i'm sick of them and they start crying (which is kinda funny cos when i was a kid, you couldn't get me to stop holding my baby neices and nephews even if they were crying - i think i had my maternal moment as a child and it's long gone now)

artemis · 03-15-2010, 03:38 PM

ahaaa great thread!

My mom always told us that having kids was the best thing she ever did, and was worth the effort... I try not to let other people tell me what their priorities are, and stick to my own guns re: breeding. After all, i've got to live with the choices i make, not anyone else, so frankly, unless they are the person possibly impregnating me, they don't get a say!

Having said that, I would love to have kids someday, but really can't figure out where to place that 'little' step into my/our life(ves). I figure another few years of career-making, traveling and dancing the night away should be good

tella · 03-15-2010, 05:16 PM

i have always been convinced that i never wanted kids until recently. most of my fears are the same ones everyone else has expressed. i have also seen my sister's relationship with her husband change quite a bit since they have had kids. it hasn't changed in an OVERLY negative way...but it certainly has changed. a lot more hostility in the air these days.

so yeah. i don't know. if it happens in 5 years...i'd be pleased. if it happened anytime between now and then...i don't know how i would deal with it.

03-15-2010, 11:13 AM	#1
Beer babe TRIBE Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: I'm always in the last place you look. Posts: 5,322	The Unpopular Non-Breeders thread So there's the wildly popular Mom thread, but for those of us who don't intend to breed, here's a less popular thread for us. How does it make you feel when people expect you should have children? What do you say to people without offending them? Or you can just brag that your puppy/kitty did something extra cute today. I bet this thread doesn't even crack 2 pages!

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03-15-2010, 11:44 AM	#2
Dr. Grinch TRIBE Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Rollin' down Rodeo wit a shotgun Posts: 5,843	The problem with kids, is that unlike kittens, you can't just have them put down when they get too big and aren't cute anymore.

03-15-2010, 11:53 AM	#3
cabbagetowngirl TRIBE Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Mind your biznez.... Posts: 1,058	I remember telling my mother not to expect grandchildren from me when I was 12. I love kids, just never wanted my own. She always used to say I'll change my mind, but at 38, that idea will never change. I'd say only 40% of my friends have kids, the rest are in the same boat as me. I don't find that people are shocked when I tell them no kids for me, I just think it's hard to understand why a healthy woman wouldn't want. I'm happy being able to have my career, and my BF and I can just pick up and go when we please, as we aren't on anyone else's schedule. I have a niece whom I love dearly, and 2 god children who I babysit and see on a regular basis, so that's enough for me!

03-15-2010, 12:34 PM	#4
Persephone TRIBE Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Fear does not exist in this dojo! Posts: 4,578	I'm on the fence. Never wanted to have children growing up, but falling in love softened me on that front. Now I'm in a PhD program, already 30, and not sure when I'll have time to have children.I'm in no rush to have them now either. I've never had much of a mothering urge, I do not think that all babies are cute (in fact, most of them are unremarkable to me), I have no desire to "hold the baby"...lol, it definitely sounds like there's something wrong with me. However, as BB pointed out, I do take every chance to brag about my little pup. Here she is - isn't she adorable, just the cutest thing you've ever seen?

03-15-2010, 12:45 PM	#5
Beer babe TRIBE Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: I'm always in the last place you look. Posts: 5,322	Awww, your puppy is so lovely, Persephone!!!

03-15-2010, 01:09 PM	#6
Sal De Ban TRIBE Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: in the wood pile Posts: 7,848	some tribers shouldn't be breeding, by any means, so i don't judge anyone for not wanting kids. it'll just be less freaks that my future kid(s) will have to contend within their lifetime.

03-15-2010, 01:09 PM	#7
ila TRIBE Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 9,680	The age when everyone has kids, and I guess when biologically you need to do it before your ovaries fuck out comes around at the WORST time for your career. I mean, you finally start getting where you need to be and then you have to take a year off to have a kid? It's kind of unfair. I dunno. I'm not ready now. I'm 30 and I have so much to get done to be where I want to be in the next few years. I also still have so much travelling to do. I need more time. I wish 40 was a viable age to start doing this shit. I can't handle it now.

03-15-2010, 01:22 PM	#8
groovespinna TRIBE Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: unofficial TRIBE real estate rep. buy/sell something. Posts: 13,568	I applaud this thread.

03-15-2010, 02:08 PM	#10
ila TRIBE Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 9,680	Also, all I ever hear is how much WORK a kid is. I don't even want plants because it's too much work. Pets are completely out of the question because I'd never want to walk the thing or clean up after it. I can't even begin to comprehend what a pain in the ass a kid would be. There are so many extremely fun things to do that you can't do when you have kids. Also, when you can get out to do something fun, you have to go to shitty movies or kid-friendly restaurants. Nevermind the terrible shit kids want you to do when you play with them "okay, you stand here and when I throw this stick, you throw it back at me" That's not a fucking game. That's shit. And you can't tell the kid you don't want to play with it because then you fuck it up. So what happens when you're sitting around, reading a gossip rag and you don't want to play the stick game with the kid? You flipping have to. Anyway, these are just a few more of my concerns.

03-15-2010, 02:20 PM	#11
penelope TRIBE Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 655	I had no intention of ever having kids (until I had them) and was pretty vocal about my desire not to have any. I used to get so sick and tired of hearing people say I would change my mind (even though I did). It drove me crazy that people felt I had to justify why I didn't want to have kids and that I owed them an explanation but when I did eventually get knocked up nobody batted an eye!!! You're all right though, they are a ton of work and they do (or can) derail your career and it is a pain in the ass always considering what you can or can't do based around a kid's needs. BUT there are some incredibly awesome moments that I wouldn't trade for the world, an awesome night out of music, drugs and allround ridiculous debauchery maybe!!

03-15-2010, 03:18 PM	#15
Sal De Ban TRIBE Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: in the wood pile Posts: 7,848	agreed. i trust janie's comments.

03-15-2010, 03:18 PM	#16
LeoGirl TRIBE Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Dark Side of the Mooon Posts: 11,020	<3 this thread is hilarious. would it be bad of me to contribute. would you call CAS

03-15-2010, 03:26 PM	#19
janiecakes TRIBE Member Join Date: Feb 2000 Location: don't neg me bro Posts: 25,110	so they cry - big whoop! they have the attention span of a goldfish. in about 30 seconds they'll be trying to build a spaceship out of cheese and their self-esteem will be repaired. next time you visit your friends with kids you should play the get-ali-a-beer game or the see-who-can-be-quietest-the-longest game.

03-15-2010, 03:34 PM	#23
mandapanda TRIBE Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: climbing on climbing on board, giving it a little bit more Posts: 7,607	i always find it so obnoxious when people tell me "oh, you don't want them now, but you WILL". fuck off! i won't, especially now just to spite you! why is it so hard to understand that i do not in any way, shape or form want children? nothing about the whole life-long parenting process appeals to me. maybe dressing them up in cute clothes, but that's about it. the only children i like are the ones that i can give back when i'm sick of them and they start crying (which is kinda funny cos when i was a kid, you couldn't get me to stop holding my baby neices and nephews even if they were crying - i think i had my maternal moment as a child and it's long gone now)

03-15-2010, 03:38 PM	#24
artemis TRIBE Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Planet Earth Nomad Posts: 1,667	ahaaa great thread! My mom always told us that having kids was the best thing she ever did, and was worth the effort... I try not to let other people tell me what their priorities are, and stick to my own guns re: breeding. After all, i've got to live with the choices i make, not anyone else, so frankly, unless they are the person possibly impregnating me, they don't get a say! Having said that, I would love to have kids someday, but really can't figure out where to place that 'little' step into my/our life(ves). I figure another few years of career-making, traveling and dancing the night away should be good

03-15-2010, 05:16 PM	#25
tella TRIBE Member Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: coconut bangers ball Posts: 3,829	i have always been convinced that i never wanted kids until recently. most of my fears are the same ones everyone else has expressed. i have also seen my sister's relationship with her husband change quite a bit since they have had kids. it hasn't changed in an OVERLY negative way...but it certainly has changed. a lot more hostility in the air these days. so yeah. i don't know. if it happens in 5 years...i'd be pleased. if it happened anytime between now and then...i don't know how i would deal with it.