Strip Clubs

[KillaLadY]

So I would like to talk about strip clubs, and more importantly what you girls think about it.
I would like to understand what's everyone's meaning of "crossing the line" when it comes to their SO and strip clubs?
What are you okay/not okay with?

My friend is getting married and obviously her fiancee is going to have a bachelor party where there will be strippers involved. Now, I can sit here and talk to her until I turn blue in the face and tell her that yes, he will get end up at the peelers and yes, he will probably have a lap dance, etc but she tells me if the lap dance happens (we all know when I say lap dance, it really means more than just the skank rubbing her snatch on his lap), she is not sure if she should forgive him.

I have a lot of male friends and I have actually been to couple of bachelor parties and I do have an idea as to what's going on, but every person is different and I have my views/doubts, she has her views and I am not sure what to tell her, since even I started thinking about this myself, as it never really was something that I thought about before with my partner.

What's acceptable to you? Do you trust your partner when he goes to the strip club? Do you think he tells you the truth about what's going on there? Do you even ask?

[Liability]

Originally Posted by KillaLadY

So I would like to talk about strip clubs, and more importantly what you girls think about it.
I would like to understand what's everyone's meaning of "crossing the line" when it comes to their SO and strip clubs?
What are you okay/not okay with?

My friend is getting married and obviously her fiancee is going to have a bachelor party where there will be strippers involved. Now, I can sit here and talk to her until I turn blue in the face and tell her that yes, he will get end up at the peelers and yes, he will probably have a lap dance, etc but she tells me if the lap dance happens (we all know when I say lap dance, it really means more than just the skank rubbing her snatch on his lap), she is not sure if she should forgive him.

I have a lot of male friends and I have actually been to couple of bachelor parties and I do have an idea as to what's going on, but every person is different and I have my views/doubts, she has her views and I am not sure what to tell her, since even I started thinking about this myself, as it never really was something that I thought about before with my partner.

What's acceptable to you? Do you trust your partner when he goes to the strip club? Do you think he tells you the truth about what's going on there? Do you even ask?

I didn't go to a strip club for my bachelor, didn't want to.

However, I have been to many for my friends. My SO doesn't have a particular problem with strip clubs or me going to them. I wouldn't say she appreciates them, but we have actually gone together.

The line that has been drawn, and that I respect is, NO lapdances.

[Persephone]

This is really all a matter of perspective and relative to the individuals in the relationship. If I had a boyfriend who was always looking at other women, chances are I would be insecure and not necessarily be comfortable with the lap dance.

The whole premise behind going to the strip club for a bachelor's party seems absurd to me though - its based on the idea that this is a guy's last 'free night'. But truthfully, I see nothing wrong with going to a strip club at any point in a relationship, provided that its not some kind of addiction. I mean, its just another form of entertainment, right? In any case, if a guy is really viewing his bachelor party as his last night as a free man, I think they're coming at it from the wrong perspective...and if a lap dance is necessary, it has to make you wonder what the intentions are in the first place.

Wow...that was a bit of a ramble that didn't make any sense. Does anyone understand what I"m saying? lol

[rubytuesday]

If your friend isn't comfortable with her fiance getting a lap dance, then she should tell him that and trust that he'll respect her. If he doesn't, then there's a problem. My bf doesn't go to strip clubs and none of his married friend's bachelor parties involved them.

I don't see how one could really enjoy a lap dance in front of their friends when they'll all be shit shows anyway. It's probably something his friends feel compelled to do because they can't think of any other way to celebrate their friend getting married.

And yeah persephone your comments make sense. Going to a strip club doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble or that you should feel insecure. As always, it's about communication and setting boundaries before you're in uncharted territory.

[sheik rock]

Most lap dances aren't in front of the group, they are in a "VIP" or whatever. At least 90% of the women who think their BFs don't go to strip clubs are kidding themselves.

I do know a lot of guys, myself included, who don't get lap dances. Most of them blame it on expense, but a lot do find it creepy having a dead eyed woman grind on them.

[praktik]

Lol.. remembering last bachelor party I went to.. One chick did her job REALLY well... you shoulda seen the guy after..

"turns out we're from the same home town... I think she really likes me!"

He was blown away for like 24 hours after that experience... Ya guy... Im sure she was into you....

[rubytuesday]

Originally Posted by sheik rock

Most lap dances aren't in front of the group, they are in a "VIP" or whatever. At least 90% of the women who think their BFs don't go to strip clubs are kidding themselves.

I do know a lot of guys, myself included, who don't get lap dances. Most of them blame it on expense, but a lot do find it creepy having a dead eyed woman grind on them.

Ah, shows how much I know, I've never been into a strip club. Still, dead eyes =/ sexy times.

I think people who partake in certain activities overestimate the proportion of people who do the same, but it's more fun to imagine my bf is lying because someone on the internet said so. He's in so much trouble tonight!

[sheik rock]

Originally Posted by rubytuesday

Ah, shows how much I know, I've never been into a strip club. Still, dead eyes =/ sexy times.

I think people who partake in certain activities overestimate the proportion of people who do the same, but it's more fun to imagine my bf is lying because someone on the internet said so. He's in so much trouble tonight!

I say most guys, because I am continually surprised at the guys who want to go to rippers. Most of them I would never have suspected. Staight laced young married guys with hot wives go just as often as 20 year olds and old men.

[praktik]

Originally Posted by sheik rock

I say most guys, because I am continually surprised at the guys who want to go to rippers. Most of them I would never have suspected. Staight laced young married guys with hot wives go just as often as 20 year olds and old men.

Its definitely an interesting sociological experience when you go with your buddies.

As one friend says, within about 2 mins you can already tell who in the group really likes strip clubs. Whats even more interesting especially in a bachelor party setting is seeing how the effects of these visits play out in the ensuing hours.

Everyone wants to rub one out but there's just no opportunity when you're still hanging with the crew..

[Krzysiu]

I'm almost thirty and I've never been to a strip club. Now I fear its too late to break this trend but I just haven't had the opportunity to go with a group of dudes to drink overpriced beer while a Ukrainian mother of two does her best sultry shaking to hits from the eighties.

I guess its because when I've want to see boobs, most girls will let me see for free rather than having to go pay for the show.

[guysmiley]

Strip bars, regular bars, clubs, vacation resorts, and all other sexually-charged venues just provide a place where you can have enough fun or too much fun. Good rule of thumb when deciding where the line is: don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your partner to be doing when you're not around.

[MissBlu]

Originally Posted by guysmiley

Strip bars, regular bars, clubs, vacation resorts, and all other sexually-charged venues just provide a place where you can have enough fun or too much fun. Good rule of thumb when deciding where the line is: don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your partner to be doing when you're not around.

excellent rule.



i would trust my partner going to a strip club - if i didn't i probably wouldn't be with them.

[acheron]

yeah but what if you'd totally want your partner doing some of those things but she's a complete prude and wouldn't in a million years?

[KillaLadY]

What if the *said* guy says that he will not get a lap dance, but then you find out later that he did? Would you tell your friend?

Why would he do that?

[MissBlu]

Originally Posted by acheron

yeah but what if you'd totally want your partner doing some of those things but she's a complete prude and wouldn't in a million years?

well, hopefully she's a prude with everyone and not just her partner.

Originally Posted by KillaLadY

What if the *said* guy says that he will not get a lap dance, but then you find out later that he did? Would you tell your friend?

Why would he do that?

because obviously you would be an idiot if you thought that he wouldn't get one, especially if you knew rippers were at the party.

[sheik rock]

Originally Posted by KillaLadY

What if the *said* guy says that he will not get a lap dance, but then you find out later that he did? Would you tell your friend?

Why would he do that?

Maybe he didn't want to get into a whole thing about it.

Or maybe his friends bought him a dance and he was too embarrassed to say "I can't, my GF will get mad."

Or maybe she had great tits and he just had to meet them.

[sheik rock]

Originally Posted by KillaLadY

What if the *said* guy says that he will not get a lap dance, but then you find out later that he did? Would you tell your friend?

Why would he do that?

Also, if you found out from one of the guys, you are way out of order telling anyone. In fact the guy who told you should have his balls impounded.

[acheron]

true that's grounds for castration right there

[KillaLadY]

LOL!!! haha castrate his ass!

Actually, I was there. No worries, it's not my place to say anything to her with respect to that. I am not about to break the code.

But I am trying to understand the mind of a man, why agree with your GF in terms of "no, I won't get a lap dance" if in fact you will get one?
And why get it in the first place if you won't even enjoy it as much, because you will feel guilty for doing it behind your SO? Why create unnecessary problems?

To me, I am pretty open-minded about the whole strip-club, especially if I am with someone that I trust and know he goes if there are bachelor parties or whatever and doesn't make a "routine" out of it.

And lap dances? What's the big deal? Isn't it all about trust in the first place? I mean, if the guy decides to take it further than that, obviously that relationship isn't healthy in the first place.

Trust your man to be a man.

[Ms. Fit]

just no lapdances! it's ok to go with your buddies, like, once every couple of years as a semi-joke, just to say you did it, but NO LAPDANCES! i wouldn't date someone who'd fritter away money like that on lapdances and private shows.

and i wouldn't approve of my fiance going to the rippers for his stag because his guaranteed to be bought a private dance by his buddies.

a couple summers ago, i hosted stag parties and would accompany them to the peelers. pretty creeped out by some of the stuff that went on (though most of the time it's harmless, but once in a while you'll get a group of entitled little douchebags).

[ila]

I've had lap dances from both women and men.

They're something hilarious (like only when you're drunk) to take part in during a night out with friends but they're not exactly stimulating. More like awkward and terrifying (especially the men, they're hideous...if anyone ever buys you a lapdance from a man, run).

Anyway, I'd have no problem with my partner going to strip clubs and getting lap dances unless he was going alone all the time and/or actually paying for them himself. That's a pretty huge turn off.

[zoo]

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY and CANADA'S WONDERLAND: less of a difference than you thought.

[daddyiwantchocolate]

Originally Posted by ila

I've had lap dances from both women and men.

They're something hilarious (like only when you're drunk) to take part in during a night out with friends but they're not exactly stimulating. More like awkward and terrifying.

The lapdances I've seen have all included HJs. Please tell me you didn't get that treatment ; )

[SneakyPete]

What if they're just going for the lunch specials?

[mariazmess]

Originally Posted by KillaLadY

Actually, I was there. No worries, it's not my place to say anything to her with respect to that. I am not about to break the code.

i don't understand -- is she your friend or is he your friend? cuz if my girlfriend told me that she didn't want her man to get a lapdance, he told her he wouldn't, but i know for a fact that he did, i would totally break that code and tell her. if i actually saw the lapdance and it was totally "acceptable" in my books, i'd tell her to get over it and explain to her exactly what happened. maybe she's never seen a lapdance, doesn't understand what is or isn't a big deal and is over-dramatizing it in her head.

not that women have a tendency to over-dramatize or anything.

regardless, don't do in public what you don't want your girlfriend to find out about. but if she's not that good a friend, then whatevs.

Originally Posted by KillaLadY

But I am trying to understand the mind of a man, why agree with your GF in terms of "no, I won't get a lap dance" if in fact you will get one?
And why get it in the first place if you won't even enjoy it as much, because you will feel guilty for doing it behind your SO? Why create unnecessary problems?

people don't like to argue with people "who won't ever understand anyway", so they lie. especially sexual subjects, which are mostly emotion or hard-on based -- they're tough to express and explain. sometimes, "it doesn't mean i love *you* any less" doesn't quite cut it in the realm of explanation. if the girl is really upset and grossed out by the thought of her man getting turned on by someone else, she'll accept no explanation. so you just say, "I won't get one, you win, next subject."

you get the lapdance in the first place because your friends bought it for you, or you feel pressured to get it because you're there and it's your party and "that's just what you're supposed to do." or you get one because you don't think it's a big deal, that you're probably not gonna go back to the rippers for a long time so again, it's not a big deal, etc.

the smart ones just don't put themselves in that position. if your girl isn't comfortable with you going, and instead of actually talking to her about you just decided to make her feel better by promising not to get a lapdance, maybe you should just not go at all.

why create unnecessary problems?
because we're human.