Staying Business in an Emotional Environment

MissBlu · 04-23-2009, 04:53 PM

how do you stay focused and professional in a highly emotional environment? how are you able to stay focused on the issue without taking it personally?

i do really well at work dealing with situations and i am able to conduct myself in a positive, professional, non-emotional manner. however, when a situation occurrs outside of work, i have a difficult time dealing with it without becoming emotional.

i know taking deep breaths and taking a moment help, but what kind of things do you say to yourself, or what behaviour modifications did you make to enable you to deal with emotional situations in a 'business' manner? i don't mean matters of love, but say when dealing with a lawyer or another professional.

i am a highly emotional person, and i need to learn how to hide this in some situations. if you have any suggestions, please share.

thanks

NemIsis · 04-23-2009, 05:53 PM

I don't know if what I say here can help you, but I definitely understand your pain.

I work in a very emotional environment: inner city 13 year olds

. I too am very emotional. Working in an environment where I am dealing with emotional issues everyday, it becomes a lot tougher when I am overwhelmed by my own personal issues.

My first year was hell (as I came home crying over many issues my kids had. It rarely happens today, but there are still times). However, I've since compartmentalized.

If I have a personal issue, I realize that my work has absolutely nothing to do with it. I throw myself into it, and usually I don't even think about what is bothering me (but, I find this career lends itself to that and it's fulfilling). When I divorced (12 years ago), and lost my mom (2 years ago), it was my job (...and my kids), that got me through it. I had 8 hours of bliss.

If I am emotional due to work, I go out with friends and *BITCH* !! with a few drinks

. Nothing better than a sympathetic ear.

Things I have put into practise:
1) That annoying coworker who has absolutely no tack does not know what you are going through. Maybe he/she is also gong through something?
2) Work is piling up and you have no interest in any of it: It won't go away. Get it done and you will feel much better for it.
3) You want to scream at the world!: Go out for lunch, leave, allow yourself time to cry, berate, even punch something (

)
4) You feel depressed: Go rent one of your most favourite comedies. You may not howl with laughter, but I can guarantee a smile or two.
5) Get together with friends. Good friends are the panacea for most problems.
6) Try not to feel angry about the situation: For many of us women anger translates to tears and we feel ridiculously stupid afterward. If you feel them, take a step back. Leave the situation. I do this many times and return with a calmer head and perspective.
7) If you are in a discussion/situation and feel stress, take a moment. Say you have to go to the bathroom. Whatever you need to do.... Then remind yourself that this does not define your life, or who you are.

I just reread your question and realized you weren't talking about personal issues and work. I hope this helps though?

workdowntown · 04-23-2009, 06:34 PM

Deep breathing exercises.

If you're responding to a pointed criticism (one you disagree with), ask the person what their advice would be. This should de-escalate their tone a little and help you keep it under control.

Remind yourself that your reactions are your domain, and you are the one who decides when and how to release them. Afterwards, debrief yourself on what it was that triggered the reaction and think of how you might respond in future.

erika · 04-23-2009, 08:53 PM

The phrase was coined in Bill Clinton's era: "compartmentalizing"

It is more difficult when you are in something that concerns you personally, but if you can do it in your work environment, you can do it elsewhere: you need to step outside and consider the issue as it is, almost like a crossword puzzle to be solved.

The danger is that you can cross over from compartmentalizing to dissociation, but hopefully you won't get there!

And also, don't get messed up by people being in a perceived position of authority: Lawyer shmawyer: they are someone hired to do some work (no different than a roofer or a hairdresser really), so you deal with them in that capacity - you ARE the client after all, don't forget that!

workdowntown · 04-23-2009, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erika

And also, don't get messed up by people being in a perceived position of authority: Lawyer shmawyer: they are someone hired to do some work (no different than a roofer or a hairdresser really), so you deal with them in that capacity - you ARE the client after all, don't forget that!

AKA 'their shit also stinks'.

Sage advice.

erika · 04-23-2009, 09:12 PM

^
is this wdt or wdt's girlfriend? (OR is wdt's gf like Corky's wife in Waiting for Guffman?

)

NemIsis · 04-23-2009, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erika

The danger is that you can cross over from compartmentalizing to dissociation, but hopefully you won't get there!

And also, don't get messed up by people being in a perceived position of authority: Lawyer shmawyer: they are someone hired to do some work (no different than a roofer or a hairdresser really), so you deal with them in that capacity - you ARE the client after all, don't forget that!

*Nods* There is nothing wrong with being emotional. For without it, what are we but automatons. Allow yourself to express it, but just not in front of that lawyer

Do not let someone make you feel intimidated. ever.

emiwee · 04-23-2009, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBlu

i don't mean matters of love, but say when dealing with a lawyer or another professional.

It's a-okay to be emotional in front of your lawyer! Legal matters are often emotionally intense. In front of the opposing counsel (or in court), however, best to not get overly emotional.

Booty Bits · 04-23-2009, 10:48 PM

when you're dealing with a lawyer or whoever, just tell yourself that you're at work!
try to handle it like you would a difficult client meeting or whatever.
if you have the skills to manage your emotions at work, you can do it in this realm too.

workdowntown · 04-24-2009, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erika

^
is this wdt or wdt's girlfriend? (OR is wdt's gf like Corky's wife in Waiting for Guffman?

)

Well no one here's ever seen her or me to my knowledge, so I guess both of us are

MissBlu · 04-24-2009, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Booty Bits

when you're dealing with a lawyer or whoever, just tell yourself that you're at work!
try to handle it like you would a difficult client meeting or whatever.
if you have the skills to manage your emotions at work, you can do it in this realm too.

i have alot of work to do

i find it hard to do, even though i know i shouldn't

yesterday i was in a situation with a lawyer (not my lawyer) and i didn't handle the situation like i wish i would have...

time to learn new skills!

thanks for the tips and tricks all!

04-23-2009, 04:53 PM	#1
MissBlu TRIBE Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The Woodlands Posts: 15,181	Staying Business in an Emotional Environment how do you stay focused and professional in a highly emotional environment? how are you able to stay focused on the issue without taking it personally? i do really well at work dealing with situations and i am able to conduct myself in a positive, professional, non-emotional manner. however, when a situation occurrs outside of work, i have a difficult time dealing with it without becoming emotional. i know taking deep breaths and taking a moment help, but what kind of things do you say to yourself, or what behaviour modifications did you make to enable you to deal with emotional situations in a 'business' manner? i don't mean matters of love, but say when dealing with a lawyer or another professional. i am a highly emotional person, and i need to learn how to hide this in some situations. if you have any suggestions, please share. thanks

04-23-2009, 05:53 PM	#2
NemIsis TRIBE Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: feeling the warmth! Posts: 10,133	I don't know if what I say here can help you, but I definitely understand your pain. I work in a very emotional environment: inner city 13 year olds . I too am very emotional. Working in an environment where I am dealing with emotional issues everyday, it becomes a lot tougher when I am overwhelmed by my own personal issues. My first year was hell (as I came home crying over many issues my kids had. It rarely happens today, but there are still times). However, I've since compartmentalized. If I have a personal issue, I realize that my work has absolutely nothing to do with it. I throw myself into it, and usually I don't even think about what is bothering me (but, I find this career lends itself to that and it's fulfilling). When I divorced (12 years ago), and lost my mom (2 years ago), it was my job (...and my kids), that got me through it. I had 8 hours of bliss. If I am emotional due to work, I go out with friends and BITCH !! with a few drinks . Nothing better than a sympathetic ear. Things I have put into practise: 1) That annoying coworker who has absolutely no tack does not know what you are going through. Maybe he/she is also gong through something? 2) Work is piling up and you have no interest in any of it: It won't go away. Get it done and you will feel much better for it. 3) You want to scream at the world!: Go out for lunch, leave, allow yourself time to cry, berate, even punch something () 4) You feel depressed: Go rent one of your most favourite comedies. You may not howl with laughter, but I can guarantee a smile or two. 5) Get together with friends. Good friends are the panacea for most problems. 6) Try not to feel angry about the situation: For many of us women anger translates to tears and we feel ridiculously stupid afterward. If you feel them, take a step back. Leave the situation. I do this many times and return with a calmer head and perspective. 7) If you are in a discussion/situation and feel stress, take a moment. Say you have to go to the bathroom. Whatever you need to do.... Then remind yourself that this does not define your life, or who you are. I just reread your question and realized you weren't talking about personal issues and work. I hope this helps though? Last edited by NemIsis; 04-23-2009 at 05:55 PM.

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04-23-2009, 06:34 PM	#3
workdowntown TRIBE Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: someplace else Posts: 4,887	Deep breathing exercises. If you're responding to a pointed criticism (one you disagree with), ask the person what their advice would be. This should de-escalate their tone a little and help you keep it under control. Remind yourself that your reactions are your domain, and you are the one who decides when and how to release them. Afterwards, debrief yourself on what it was that triggered the reaction and think of how you might respond in future.

04-23-2009, 08:53 PM	#4
erika TRIBE Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Home, not quite ready to say good night Posts: 6,633	The phrase was coined in Bill Clinton's era: "compartmentalizing" It is more difficult when you are in something that concerns you personally, but if you can do it in your work environment, you can do it elsewhere: you need to step outside and consider the issue as it is, almost like a crossword puzzle to be solved. The danger is that you can cross over from compartmentalizing to dissociation, but hopefully you won't get there! And also, don't get messed up by people being in a perceived position of authority: Lawyer shmawyer: they are someone hired to do some work (no different than a roofer or a hairdresser really), so you deal with them in that capacity - you ARE the client after all, don't forget that!

04-23-2009, 09:12 PM	#6
erika TRIBE Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Home, not quite ready to say good night Posts: 6,633	^ is this wdt or wdt's girlfriend? (OR is wdt's gf like Corky's wife in Waiting for Guffman? )

04-23-2009, 10:48 PM	#9
Booty Bits TRIBE Member Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: Jesus saves, Moses invests. Posts: 19,053	when you're dealing with a lawyer or whoever, just tell yourself that you're at work! try to handle it like you would a difficult client meeting or whatever. if you have the skills to manage your emotions at work, you can do it in this realm too.